Afterlife
by thatisastory
Summary: Becoming a vampire was supposed to mean a new beginning for Bella. Instead tragedy is visited upon the Cullens, and Bella is neither alive, nor dead, left to keep a promise she wishes she'd never made. This is her Afterlife.
1. Chapter 1: The Stranger

Chapter 1

When the Volturi showed up, they weren't just checking to see if the Cullens were still alive and well. None of us saw this coming, not even Alice. It was as if they'd known the perfect time to come too. Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were out on a hunting trip, an hour away, even for them. Carlisle was at the hospital, having been called in to help tend to a family that been in a car accident. It had just been Edward, Alice, and I, enjoying a lazy evening, listening to music, and talking; a night that started out so ordinary, that I could have never known that it would change our lives forever.

Alice was on about choosing a vacation destination. "Greece doesn't have nearly the shopping that France has," she complained, sitting primly on the edge of the leather couch.

"Of course you're going to be concerned about the shopping. France is great, but I want something different. Athens has all the history. What about the temple ruins, the Delphi, the Parthenon?" Edward suggested.

"And Paris has Valentino, Chanel, Prada, and legally certified Haute Couture." Alice pouted.

I rolled my eyes. "But Alice, Athens has the Acropolis. You used to shop there, didn't you?" I teased.

"Are you implying I'm old?" Alice snapped playfully.

"No, never," I giggled. Edward started to chuckle, the bed shaking slightly underneath us.

"Need I remind you that I'm only 17? You're the one who's 19, ancient one." Alice said, with a feigned look of aggression on her face.

"Hey, hey! That's hitting below the belt," I said, sitting up and glaring at Alice.

Edward and Alice both burst out laughing. I shook my head and rolled my eyes as I lay back against his chest. He kissed the top of my head, and snuggled me closer to him.

"Alright, what if we compromise and go to Milan? Edward, you'll have all the history and architecture you want, I'll have all the fashion I want, and Bella—" she stopped abruptly.

We'd all heard it. Someone moving. Fast. Not just fast, our kind of fast. They were approaching from beyond the river. We all leapt up. It was too soon for anyone to be home.

"It's the Volturi," she said darkly.

Edward's head snapped to Alice and then to me.

I gasped and dashed to the window, watching for their approach. Edward was already on his phone to Carlisle. Alice came stood next to me, she was also on the phone, with Jasper. Both spoke quickly and furiously of the visitor who was now crossing the river. A single dark shape leapt over the river. The moon was blotted out by clouds, but with my own set of liquid gold eyes I could see clearly a male vampire with dark blond hair, a lean, muscular figure, and bright red eyes leaping, seemingly hanging midair as he met my gaze.

Edward snapped his phone shut and threw me a significant glance. "He's here to see you," he said, a pained expression coming across his face.

"But they already…" my voice trailed off.

"I know, come on," he said, and the three of us dashed down the stairs and through the back door. I threw myself into a defensive crouch, but almost immediately, Edward placed a hand on my shoulder.

"He's only here to see you, that's all I can read. As near as I can tell, he doesn't mean us any harm."

I straightened up, but my body remained tense.

"I don't like this," Alice said, staring out across the trees and field that met the riverbank. "I was watching for this."

"I know. Me either," Edward said, his jaw tight.

The stranger slowed his pace and walked out from the shadow of the trees. "I'm sorry to surprise you this evening Cullens," he said, smirking. His red eyes shined in the light coming from the house. He was on the short side, not much taller than me. He blond hair was almost white, which complimented his chiseled white features. He was dressed the traveling cloak of the Volturi, but he wore the hood back.

"I'm sure they would have told us you were coming if your masters had intended for us to know," Edward said stiffly.

"I'm quite sure," the stranger said, smiling wider. "It's all the same though. Already I've completed my mission. Do you continue to enjoy your new life, Mrs. Cullen?"

"I do. Thank you," I said quietly, watching him carefully as he approached.

"What mission were you sent on?" Edward asked, stepping forward.

"I was merely sent to see if the Cullens still kept residence here in this town. Clearly you do."

"You obviously know us, but we don't know you. Who are you?" Alice asked, her voice still ringing musically, but the joy of it completely subdued.

It did not go unnoticed by the stranger who raised his eyebrows. "Of course, you're not familiar with me. Certainly that was my masters' intention, but there's no harm in you knowing my name now that I've seen you. I am Sheppard, and I serve my masters as their messenger and scout."

"Their intention?" I asked.

"I'm not sure of their motive. All I know is that I was selected to bring their message. They sought out a stranger to you all."

"And that message?" Edward asked, his voice thick with distrust and aggression.

"I've already conveyed it—simply to inquire as to how Bella is enjoying her new life and to see if this coven continues to exist on the Calawah River in Forks, Washington. I'm certain they'll be pleased with my report. I trust all is well?" he inquired.

"All is fine," Edward said curtly.

"My master Aro thought perhaps Bella might have found the diet of a Cullen vampire to be difficult to master," he continued, walking closer, his eyes traveling down my body, and over to Edward.

"I continue to be challenged, but it is well worth it," I said, as Edward took a step forward in front of me.

He cocked his head forward and stared Sheppard down. "You've seen us. You have your message. Please take care to not hunt in this area while you're returning to your masters."

"Of course, of course," Sheppard said sweetly. "I meant no harm in my inquiries, only to fulfill my duties. Aro sends his warmest regards, and hopes you and your talented family will be making their way to Volterra soon to visit."

"We'll see about that, thank you," Alice said coldly.

Sheppard bowed slightly, "Farewell Cullens." He turned on his heel and sped away into the direction from whence he'd come.

We all stood rooted to the spot for a few moments. Waiting, listening. Finally Edward turned to me, pulling me into a hug. He was shaking. I looked past his arm at Alice, who was pressing her hands against her temples.

"Is it over?" I asked her. Edward tensed his arms around me, and I looked up at him. "What?"

"I never saw a decision to come here because they never made one," Alice said, sounding confused. "They're still weighing options. They keep changing their minds."

"Why would they need to weigh their options?" I asked.

"Because they didn't think you'd be able to keep up with the non-human blood," Edward said, releasing me from his arms, but holding onto my hand. "Let's get inside," he said quietly.

Alice followed us in, she sighed behind us as her eyes squinted to see something that wasn't there, the future, the decisions made and unmade, over and over again.

"When's everyone going to get here?" Edward asked.

"Ah, that is something I do know. Carlisle will be here in an hour and a half, he's just come out of surgery. The rest won't get back for another two hours."

"Is it really necessary that they come home at all?" I wondered. "I mean, he's gone now."

"Maybe it's selfish, but I'd feel better if the whole family was under one roof," Alice said, sinking into an armchair.

"Well, that, and we need to discuss this. Something isn't right about this," Edward added, sitting on the couch. I settled next to Edward.

Both Edward and Alice were in deep concentration. I was torn confused. A year ago, I had relieved that the fear that had existed in the back of my mind, ever since I first met the Volturi in the towering turret in the city of Volterra, had been extinguished when Edward and I had made the trip to prove I was now vampire. The promise had been fulfilled for year then. I'd been a vampire for nearly 2 years now. But a new fear was overcoming me, knowing it couldn't be as simple as a check of residency and my wellbeing. Aro, a collector, wanted nothing more than to improve upon his collection. He didn't strike me as the type to give up so easily. The pieces didn't fit.

We sat this way, Alice hunched over in the armchair, Edward with an arm around me, all of us unmoving for what must have been an hour. That's when Alice's head snapped back, her eyes staring off, unfocused.

Edward jumped up. Had I been human, I'd have been thrown to the floor, but I caught myself, and stared back and forth between the two of them. Edward's jaw dropped in horror, his eyes turning to me.

"What?" I asked.

Edward's chin wobbled at me for a moment, his speechlessness frightened me even more.

"WHAT?" I shouted.

"They're coming for us. Now. Here. For," he swallowed hard, and he threw a glance back over at Alice, who had fallen back against the chair, gasping. "For us." he finished.

"No. No!" I growled.

"They used a stranger so that I wouldn't know to watch for him," Alice said, sounding choked up, "someone who didn't know their motives so that Edward wouldn't be able to find out."

The sound of many feet moving towards us through the woods beyond came to my ears. The feet weren't racing, they were steady and deliberate. Thanks to Sheppard, they already knew we were outnumbered.

Was this it? It wasn't fair, to lose everything after my new life had started. I could hardly bear it.

"Bella, I want you to run," Edward said, "You're still the fastest, you can get away."

"No!" I gasped. "No, Edward, I'm staying here with you."

"Bella, this is a fight we cannot win," Edward said, his eyes filled with pain.

"I'm not leaving either of you, I'm fighting with you," I said, my voice filled with panic. "I won't run."

"These are Volturi guard who possess training far surpassing the sparring you and Emmett have been practicing," Alice said quietly.

I set my mouth in a firm line, crossing my arms in defiance.

"We're not guaranteed to lose," Alice said to Edward, who continued to stare at me, his beautiful face torn in anguish.

"I don't want her here."

"Well she's not going anywhere," Alice said pointedly.

"We'll draw them south west. If by some miracle we can hold them off long enough, it'll be where Emmett's Jeep will tear through, and we might end up with some help from the pack," Edward said.

With that we dashed through the front door, running as fast as we could. Our pursuers picked up the pace.

However futile it might have been, I still hoped against hope that help would come in some form. Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, and Jasper, Carlisle, even the pack. The pack who hadn't spoken to me in two years, the pack that loathed my family and me, maybe, just maybe because of their proximity to humans, the pack would fight with us against the Volturi.

But help never came. I was in front, and I stopped dead in my tracks, Edward and Alice slid past me and came to a stop. The smell of unfamiliar vampires hung all around us. We were surrounded.


	2. Chapter 2: Consequences

Chapter 2

The three of us crouched back to back into defensive positions, staring into the dim purple shadows of the night, searching for the first sign of movement. The wait was almost painful. Then the first of seven emerged from the shadows in front of me, followed by one after another, after another, after another. Felix wagged his eyebrows at me, baring his gleaming white teeth as he grinned menacingly at me.

A red haired male appeared from the shadows to Felix's left. His hair was pulled into a ponytail, exposing his thick muscular neck. He was built much like Emmett, only thicker, and without Emmett's grin, he looked far more menacing.

The guard was without their traditional garb, instead of billowing cloaks, they wore clothing for ease of movement, fitted breeches, and high collared shirts, all black. The color made their skin and bared teeth all the more pale and intimidating.

"Bella," Edward whispered urgently. "If anything happens to me, you have to promise me you won't surrender, you'll live."

"Edward…" I whispered in terrified protest.

"Promise me," he begged.

Hearing the desperation in Edward's voice, Felix's smile widened.

"I promise, I love you," I said. "I love you both."

"I love you too, Bella" Alice replied just as urgently.

"More than you could ever know," Edward said, reaching back and squeezing my hand.

Time seemed to stop for a moment, his hand reminding me of the first time we met, our meadow, our first kiss, the sound of his voice in the dance studio, his proposal to me, our wedding day, the first time we made love, the look in his eyes and the promise in his voice just before he filled me with his venom, and the first time he said 'I love you' after I'd been transformed. All of my most cherished memories came to the forefront of my mind in that instant, and I knew that this was mine to defend.

And then it all became a blur. I leapt over Felix, colliding midair with the red head. A loud crash came from behind me, as I heard others clash. I struggled with Red, but as soon I got my arms around him, Felix yanked me by my ankles and hurled me into a tree. I caught it with my shoulder, a huge crack echoed through the woods, followed by a groan as the tree fell into the fray. I leapt skillfully onto the fallen tree and waited for the next charge. Felix, circled me with the same smirk on his face, as Red dove after me, I dodged him, and shot an arm out, seizing him by the arm and flinging him into the woods. He connected with something heavy and was slow to come back. But Felix was already on top of me, pinning against the ground with his knee, his hands grasping my leg, threatening to break it in half at the thigh. I wrapped my other leg around him and clenched it around his neck and flung him into Red, who was charging towards us.

Suddenly I saw Demetri thrown head long across the clearing, Edward pausing only for a second to see if I was alright. He immediately refocused on the second approaching guard, a blonde with wildly curly hair, who was flying towards Edward, her red eyes flashing with delight as her attack connected, sending Edward sailing through the air. Alice was in a struggle with a single male vampire who was able to block every one of her attacks, much like Alice could block every one of his. It dawned on me in this split second that the perfect timing of these events could not be coincidence, as it appeared that this male possessed some amount of clairvoyance, given his compatibility to fight Alice.

Felix was back on me now, his eyes ablaze with the joy that he would finally be able to do what he'd so greatly desired since the first time we'd met, to kill me. He smashed into my side, and knocking me to the ground by five feet. I scrambled to my feet, and leapt around onto his back, sinking my teeth into his shoulder. Felix cried out, and ripped me off, and I took a good sized chunk of him with me in my teeth. I landed on my feet, only to be met with another well placed kick to the chest, which sent me crashing into Alice. We stood back up, but the circle was closing in on us.

A piece of what looked like white marble sailed past my face from Edward's direction. Edward looked tense, but unharmed. Alice's psychic adversary attempted to take advantage of her momentary loss of balance, but ended up losing a chunk as well.

We weren't losing, but we weren't winning. Maybe if we could keep up like this, someone would come along and join in, help us, save us.

I dodged another attack of Red's, this time diving upon his leg and ripping it off at the knee with a terrible metallic sound, followed by a scream. The scream caught the attention of those fighting who paused only momentarily to see me throw his leg into the trees. Red toppled over, and attempted to crawl towards me in another attack. I easily jumped over him and met Felix's attack, midair, attempting to strike at the vulnerable place where I'd bitten him. But he caught me by arm, just below my elbow, and with a sickening twist, and a metallic groan, my arm from the elbow down was in his hand as I lay on the ground. The pain felt delayed by only a second, and then it was overwhelming as I let out a piercing scream.

There was an even louder crash from before, and my right arm dropped to the ground only ten feet away from me. It wriggled on the ground, the fingers grasping pieces of grass, attempting to drag itself towards me. It was the most horrifying thing I'd ever seen.

"BELLA!" Edward screamed as he dove towards me, but then suddenly stopped, his face contorted in a silent scream, and crumpled to the ground.

"No!" I shouted. "Not her!" I thought. I sat up with a start. Felix was standing back, amused by what he saw. Looking across the clearing, I saw Jane for the first time emerge from the shadow a tree, a sadistic smile playing across her face. I could see she was taking real joy in prolonging Edward's pain.

"Edward!" I shouted, leaping up to block Jane's attack. Felix threw a kick into my chest and it connected squarely, throwing me back to the ground. He placed his foot on my chest and held me firmly in place, despite my struggling, leaving me to watch my love be tortured by the little witch.

It was at this moment that I realized that it had become strangely quiet. Alice. Where was Alice?! She was no longer fighting, but rather standing stock still, staring at nothing, her attacker standing well away from her now. I spotted Alec leaning against a tree with an amused look on his face. Alice was under his influence.

In a moment of desperation I found myself begging for our lives. "Please, don't," I begged, "Please don't do this."

Demetri, whose hair looked wildly out of place, hanging about his shoulders and in his face, began to laugh, several guards joining in with him. "Bella, I must confess you clearly proved to be a bigger challenge than we'd anticipated. I didn't think this one would have the strength to turn you, but here you are, and with pieces of your opponents scattered throughout the wood. Well played," he said, chuckling.

Edward suddenly inhaled deeply, his face reflecting the pain he was enduring silently.

"As much as we'd like to carry on with these games, we have our orders. No one turns down an invitation to join the Volturi guard. It's an honor and a privilege, and to turn down such a privilege, to spit in the faces of the Volturi…" Demetri seethed, "calls for severe and immediate consequences."

Felix increased the pressure on my chest, and I felt as if my core would give way at any moment.

"Let's go," Demetri clipped, leaned over Edward and began to drag him by his foot.

"NO!!!" I screamed, "Where are you taking him?! EDWARD!" I screamed.

Edward stared into my eyes, his own filled with a mix of love and the severe pain he continued to suffer. And he was gone, he'd disappeared beyond my line of sight into the trees. Jane paused for a moment and looked back at me, fixing her gaze on me. I experienced no pain, but her break in focus from Edward must have allowed him the ability to speak. From somewhere not too far away I heard him cry out my name, before she followed his voice, which abruptly was silenced.

Red was on his feet, both of them, limping off towards the woods with the blonde, who was dragging Alice's limp body behind her. Alec and Alice's intuitive opponent followed behind them.

I choked out a tearless sob. I waited for Felix to seize me, to drag me along the same path towards whatever 'severe and immediate consequences' that awaited us. Felix continued to smile cruelly down at me. "It's a shame really, that you got mixed up in this crowd. Seems to me you'd have been better off if you'd never found out about our world."

"Don't be so sure about that," I said bitterly.

Felix chuckled, and looked off into the woods.

"What are you waiting for?"

"What? Did you want to join them?"

The sound of quiet movement made me look over to my right, where my arm now lay only two feet away from me. It left behind a trail of dead, singed grass, as the venom seeped out of the open wound. If I could just get to it, maybe it could reattach and I could try to fight again. Suddenly there was a bone chilling sound that distracted me entirely from this thought. It came from not too far off in the woods. It was the sound of metal scraping against metal, followed by tearing, much like when my arm had torn off, but there were no screams.

Suddenly I understood. Severe consequences. I began to truly panic now. "Felix, please, don't leave me here. Take me to them. Do the same to me. I don't want to be left behind, please," I sobbed.

His smile grew wider and wider as I sobbed. "Oh, pretty Bella, I can't do that. You made a promise to Edward, far be it for me to prevent you from keeping it."

"Felix!" Demetri called from the woods. "We have to move, now," he said, his voice filled with urgency.

Felix glanced around and recognized the noise I'd just noticed as well. Something was moving in the woods, something that had alarmed the Volturi.

Felix grinned one last time at me and lifted his foot, only to throw a hard kick to my ribs. I sailed seven feet away and landed with a groan. When I looked up, Felix was gone.

I lunged for my arm, and carried it with me as I dashed through the trees.

"EDWARD! ALICE!" I screamed. Oh God, I could smell it, the strong smell of incense and sulfur stung my nose, choking me. No, God, no.

The clouds had cleared away, and the purple smoke was black against the waxing moon. The fire was still burning strong as I entered the small, empty clearing.

I was too late. I couldn't take my eyes off the charred, burning limbs in the fire, burning with a bright yellow-orange flame. For a second all words, thoughts, and senses failed me. And then it hit me. Edward, the love of my life, and Alice, my best friend were dead.

"NOOOOO!" I scream, "NO!" I cried. Promise or no promise, my life could not go on from this point. I screamed again, and threw myself towards the flames, welcoming their searing kisses, to seal my fate. In the split second it took to cross the clearing, something collided with me, knocking me to the ground. "No!" I shouted, struggling to escape their grasp, kicking and elbowing them, clawing at the dirt, anything to get back to the pyre.

"Bella, stop!" a voice commanded. The voice was familiar, but I couldn't place it, I couldn't see anything anymore except the flames. I fought against the arms that tightened around me, gaining ground, getting closer to the fire.

"Damn it, Rose, HELP ME! I can't hold her!" Emmett shouted, as I continued to inch out of his grasp. Rosalie's hands were around my shoulders, Emmett's around my waist.

I was too weak to continue fighting, and I collapsed against the two of them, who held me both to comfort me and to protect me from myself. Tearless sobs shook me, as I cried into Rosalie's shoulder. I looked over and saw Jasper was on his hands and knees a few feet from the blaze, his mouth contorted in a silent scream as he stared into the fire. Esme was kneeling next to him, her clasped firmly on his shoulders, though he didn't seem to be putting up any sort of a fight. I could see Carlisle standing on the opposite side of the fire, his face filled with grief.

"I'm sorry!" I cried to no one in particular, "I'm sorry. I tried. I fought so hard."

"We know you did Bella," Emmett whispered, rubbing my back as Rosalie rocked me back and forth.

Jasper looked over at me for the first time. The realization that we would never see our beautiful, perfect soul mates ever again tore my whole being to shreds, as unseen wounds made themselves known all over my body. Jasper's face twisted in anguish as I threw back my head and screamed in sheer agony, and he collapsed into the ground.

"It wasn't enough. I'm so sorry it wasn't enough," I sobbed, "Oh God, I'm so sorry! Oh Alice…" A fresh scream escaped my lips, "EDWARD!" I screeched into the night sky, the sound of my screams echoing out over the silent woods.


	3. Chapter 3: Life, After

Chapter 3

The five years that followed Edward and Alice's executions passed by without notice, at least by me. If it hadn't been for Carlisle's gentle reminders of needing to hunt, I'd have never moved. I maintained my perch atop one of the many bookshelves in the room Edward and I had shared.

For five years I sat motionless, leaning back against the wall, one leg dangling over the end with one pulled up to my chest, staring out the window. I knew no feeling, no sensation, no desire or need, no motivation, and no emotion, except for expectation. I sat during the day, in expectation of the sunset, and at night I sat in expectation of the sunrise.

After the second year, my family had given up on trying to get me to rejoin them and leave the bookshelf behind. Rosalie had attempted to distract me by buying a new book every time she went shopping, so one couldn't be surprised by the stacks of unread books all around the room. Emmett, true to form, tried to goad me into moving by challenging me to races, hunting contests, sparring, arm wrestling, and other feats of strength. Esme even joined me on the shelf a number of times, talking to me about what the family and the rest of the world was up to, even though I never really talked back to her. I just nodded. But after all this time, even she seemed to be losing some of her resolve.

These efforts did not go on unnoticed. I was appreciative, and occasionally spoke, but my time was mainly spent in silence.

Carlisle left me alone, which was what I preferred. There were two exceptions to this though, one being that once a month Carlisle invited Charlie up to the house for a visit. Those meetings were always difficult as I had to try my hardest not to appear catatonic. As far as Charlie understood circumstances, Edward and Alice had been killed in a car accident. The second exception to leaving me alone was Carlisle's insistence that I hunt. He was concerned that if I neglected to hunt, I might be overwhelmed by thirst and run risk of seeking out human blood. But I never experienced thirst, or even some form of relief after hunting. I only hunted to placate Carlisle.

I suspected I was overdue for a hunting trip. It had been a month and a few days since my last hunt; at least, that's what Esme said when she brought up the topic with Emmett and Rosalie. They were downstairs in the kitchen, trying to decide who would take me hunting this time. I idly hoped that they would forget. I never heard the outcome of that conversation. I'd tuned them out like so many other times beforehand.

I watched the sun disappear behind a cluster of low hanging clouds on the horizon, the sky turning golden pink. It was a rare and beautiful appearance of a picture perfect sunset in Forks. I heard the heavy, though still graceful footsteps of Emmett coming up the stairs.

"Bells?" he called hesitantly from behind the door.

"Come in," I said, sighing, tearing my eyes away from the sunset.

Emmett opened the door quietly and walked into the room and stood in front of the window. "Pretty," he commented, staring out the window.

"Yeah," I said, turning back to the sunset.

The clouds shifted, and a few stray beams of orange sunlight scattered across the sky, the landscape, and into the window. I looked over at Emmett, a few of the rays were dancing across his now sparkling skin. The image made me ache, and I looked back at the sunset, trying to ignore the memories it had evoked. Emmett glanced down, and then shrugged. We waited. A few minutes later the sun drifted below the horizon and the landscape took on light grey and lavender hues. Twilight.

Another day was over.

"You ready?" he asked warily.

"Yeah," I said, leaping down to the carpeted floor soundlessly.

"Don't sound so excited. You know if you want I could just bring you up a pile of squirrels for you to chase and drain," Emmett suggested, grinning.

"No, no. I'm good," I said, the corner of my mouth twitching upwards in a half smile. As hard as it was to express any emotion, it was even harder to ignore Emmett's attempts to gain a reaction out of me.

"I still might do it, just for the hell of it," he chuckled.

"Like I said, I'm good. Are we going?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Catch me if you can, little sister," he said, dashing out of the room. I hesitated only a moment, rolling my eyes. I'd let him have a head start.

I bounded out of the house after him. He wasn't too far ahead. As I lengthened my stride, I overtook him, and made the leap over the river.

"Bella…" Emmett called out warningly.

Had I been able to, I'd have sighed. I slowed down so he could keep up. I never "grew out" of my speed; there had only been one member of the family who had been faster. Now I was the fastest in the family, a fact that annoyed Emmett to no end. We reached the southernmost foothills of the mountains, finally stopping beneath several pines that leaned in towards one another.

Emmett took in a few deep breaths and let them out slowly, one after another.

"It's alright," he said presently.

I let go of the breath I'd been holding since we'd left the house and began to breathe normally again, taking in my surroundings. It was one of the requirements that came with hunting so rarely. Because I was the fastest, if I decided to go after a human, there was no chance anyone in the family could outrun me to prevent such a thing from happening. My hunting partner always had to insure there were no humans in the vicinity. Running while holding my breath had originally been very disorienting, but I was pretty used to it by now. In some ways it reminded me of being human.

"You thirsty for anything in particular?" Emmett asked, taking in another deep breath.

I breathed in. Deer, elk, mountain lions, a few foxes, a mountain lion (who was out, because she had cubs,) wolves towards the north, (but those didn't smell appetizing, wolves never did,) and an array of insignificant creatures like rabbits, opossums, and a fat raccoon. None of it was appealing. I sighed and searched farther ahead, the faintest musky scent of something…

I opened my eyes and saw Emmett looking longingly in the direction of the scent. Bear.

Somewhere in the woods, the fat raccoon fell out of a tree. We both turned in the direction for a moment, before I looked back at Emmett. Emmett so clearly wanted something more challenging. His eyes were restless, and his hands twitched with anticipation.

"How about I stop for some elk before you go after that bear?" I suggested weakly. I'd just assume that we make this a quick trip, two or three deer, then heading back to the house.

Emmett's eyes lit up. "You really wouldn't mind? Really? It is a bit of a run…" he said hesitantly.

"It's fine," I shrugged.

"Excellent!" Emmett said.

We took off, headed north, running side by side.

"I smelled him earlier today. I was going to go after him tonight but…" he said, trailing off.

"But you got stuck with me," I finished grimacing slightly, wrinkling my nose.

Emmett came to an abrupt halt.

I skid past him and came to a stop a few feet away.

"Bella," he said, his voice thick with guilt.

I turned away slowly.

"It's not like that," he said, his shoulders slumping slightly.

"Emmett, it is. It's exactly like that. I know I'm not the easiest person to be around. I'm lucky to have a big brother who's there for me, even when I'm at my worst."

Emmett gave me a sad smile.

"Thank you for taking me hunting, Em," I said, smiling back.

"Anytime Bells," he said.

After an awkward moment, I wagged my head in the direction of the herd of elk nearby, and he nodded. We ran towards the sounds of their stamping hooves. In no time we'd caught up to them. Emmett stopped next to a tree as I blew past him. The herd was thrown into chaos, as elk ran in terror in different directions. In the confusion I managed with little effort to take down a large buck in one swift movement, snapping its neck with a twist of my wrist. I sunk my teeth into the space between its shoulders, pulling its warm blood through my teeth. I managed to drain it relatively quickly, aware that Emmett was scrutinizing my consumption. Knowing he wouldn't allow me to stop with one, I took off after the rest of the herd that had fled through the trees. After I'd finished off another two I returned to the spot where I'd killed the buck. Emmett was still leaning against a tree, eyebrows raised, grin in place.

"Let's see your eyes," he said, his tone slightly patronizing.

I scowled at him as he peered at me.

"Butterscotch," he declared. "You're good. Still up for chasing a bear?"

"Sure."

"Let's go!" he cried, bolting.

I lagged behind, giving him his space as he hunted. My stomach felt sloshy, the occasion of being full being so rare, it left me uncomfortable.

The scent grew stronger, and soon the trail mingled with the sounds of falling paws.

Emmett made a loud, joyful, guttural sound and bounded down the path and leapt silently over tall ferns and brush. Then came the sound of the bear blundering around, struggling to defend itself. Emmett was laughing as I came through the thicket. He had his arms around the bear's stomach, throwing the bear to the ground, leaping back down on the thing and continuing to wrestle it.

I rolled my eyes. I considered telling him that it was rude (and possibly cruel in this case,) to play with his food, but I thought better of it. Just because I was removed from the pleasures of life didn't mean others had to be as well. I remembered when Edward and I had had a ball wrestling mountain lions before going in for the kill.

It had been our first trip to the foothills of Mount Rainier. Edward and I took turns chasing down mountain lions and tackling them, letting them have the advantage briefly, allowing them to pin us to the ground before flipping them over and going in for the kill. Edward never stopped being nervous. Seeing a large animal attempting to rip my throat out still left Edward shaky and looking paler than usual, despite my superior strength and agility.

I leapt up onto a branch a few feet up and continued to watch Emmett, shaking away the memory. This was not the place for thinking about such things.

When we walked into the house, it was apparent that something was wrong. Carlisle was leaning over the island, his hands gripping the counter, his face tense, staring at a newspaper clipping and what looked like a letter in front of him. Esme was looking over his shoulder, reading, a hand resting on Carlisle's shoulder, the other covering her mouth, her eyes pained.

Rosalie was standing very still next to the window, staring intently at the two of them, her face blank, her hands balled into fists.

I resisted the urge to return to my room, and stayed in the doorway.

Emmett looked back and forth between Rosalie and Esme and Carlisle, and apparently making up his mind and walking over to Rosalie. "What is it?" he asked, taking her hand in both his.

She looked up at him, and her eyes filled an unfamiliar, but unmistakable expression of devastation. "It's Jasper."


	4. Chapter 4: Jasper

Chapter 4

Carlisle sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, closing his eyes. "It seems Jasper has chosen to resume his previous lifestyle," Carlisle said, slowly.

"He slipped," Emmett said, disappointed, his forehead creasing.

Rosalie chuckled once darkly. "That's a bit of an understatement."

Carlisle glanced at Rosalie, whose face immediately turned slightly remorseful. "Peter and Charlotte sent me the letter and the articles. They apparently ran into Jasper in Amarillo. It was immediately clear that something was amiss. Though they don't share our choice to abstain, they knew something had to be wrong for him to have returned to hunting humans," Carlisle said, looking over the letter in front of him again.

Esme stared at the paper, her eyes pained. "They said they'd never seen his eyes so red," she said in almost a whisper.

I cringed against the doorway, my eyes moving back and forth between the Rosalie and Emmett, and Carlisle and Esme. For years not a word, and now this…I felt my stomach churn, and I gripped the doorframe.

Carlisle put his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of Esme's head and continued, "They indicated that he seemed to be suffering quite a bit, though he was unwilling to talk about it. He left abruptly when they asked about Alice. Out of concern, Peter began to keep tabs on Jasper. Unfortunately, given these articles that he's included from Jasper's hunting ground, it appears Jasper has not been very discreet," he said, gesturing towards the unfolded pieces of newspaper.

"Damn it Jasper!" Emmett growled.

"And that's not the worst of it," Rosalie said angrily.

Emmett looked expectantly back and forth between Carlisle and Rosalie, but it was Esme who finally spoke. "He's made some of the covens, particularly in San Antonio very angry, for being imprudent in his hunting habits. They're afraid he'll expose them, possibly attract unwanted attention from the…" Esme's eyes drifteded over to me for a second, and she continued, "Well, any way, the covens have threatened to take action against him if he continues to behave this way."

The veiled threat was not lost on anyone, least of all me.

I struggled to keep my mind on the present and against the emotions that were cropping up, ones that I'd long since banished from my consciousness. Fear. Anxiety. Guilt.

"I spoke to a friend who lives just outside of San Antonio. Levi has confirmed that the covens have all but run out of patience with Jasper. Even Levi's upset; Jasper is running the risk of ending Levi's tenure in a town he's claimed as his home and hunting grounds for over a century. The police have yet to connect them, but there have been several disappearances and bodies turning up in the river. Levi has given his word not to harm Jasper, but in regards to the others, Jasper is on borrowed time. As far as the others are concerned, Jasper's next hunt could well be his last," Carlisle said, the final word, hanging over all of us for a moment, shrouding the room with an ominous shadow.

After a moment Emmett released Rosalie, and folded his arms over his chest. "There's a hit out on him," he stated.

Carlisle nodded once, his eyes meeting Emmett's briefly, before returning his gaze to the letter before him.

Emmett balled his hands into fists, then relaxed them, then balled them up again. Finally he exhaled slowly and said matter-of-factly, "Well I'm going to San Antonio," he said, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

"Emmett, I love him too, but we can't just go running off to San Antonio for him," Rosalie cried, grabbing onto his arm.

Emmett glanced down at his arm and put a hand over hers. "I'm not just going to wait to get the news that he's dead," he paused, and glanced over at me. "I can't lose another brother."

"Rose has a point Emmett, you don't know what you're getting yourself into. The Vol—the uh, well, they may already know, could well be on their way. Moreover, what are you going to do if you find him? Do you think he'd want to come back? Are you strong enough to make him? Would he want this sort of life back? I have loved him as a son since he and Alice joined our family, and I'm certainly not surrendering him, but you have to consider what you're up against here," Carlisle said. "There are so many things to take into consideration here."

"I'm not going to sit around and think this one over. I can do that on the plane. I'm going to San Antonio, and I'll do whatever it takes to get him the hell out of there," Emmett said loudly, his body shaking as he walked towards the doorway that led to the living room and foyer.

"Me too," I said in a clear, firm voice.

Three pairs of shocked eyes flitted to me, and Emmett turned around slowly to face me. He met my gaze with a reproachful expression, which quickly melted into understanding when he saw the cold, steely look I had on my own face.

"I'm going too," repeating my sentiment again.

Emmett raised his eyebrows and gave me a sly grin. "Alrighty then. I'll call the airline."

"I'll go change," I said, quietly, not meeting the eyes of the rest of my family. I dashed out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into my bedroom.

In a rush I pulled on a clean pair of jeans, a white button up shirt, and my old army green cropped jacket. Glancing at my dresser, my eyes fell upon a small velvet pouch and after regarding it for a moment I snatched it up and stuck it in my purse. I dug through my top drawer, moving aside the socks and underwear and pulled out a thick stack of twenties and fifties and added those to my bag as well, and then ran downstairs.

I expected to find Emmett on the landing, but was surprised when I saw the whole family was dressed and ready to go, well, almost ready to go. Rosalie was pulling her hair into a ponytail, and Esme was counting out what looked to be several thousand dollars. Carlisle was on his phone speaking very slowly (by our standards) to someone, probably the hospital, to let them know of his impending absence.

I raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement.

Emmett ran a hand through his dark curly hair and grinned. "Yeah, they couldn't let you and I have all the fun," he said chuckling.

I nodded once and we headed out.

My thoughts turned to Jasper as Port Angeles turned into a green blur that was strangely similar to the green blur Forks had been.

Five years. That's how long it'd been. Despite the passage of time, it still felt like just yesterday. Over the last five years I'd spent nearly every moment contemplating my very existence and the impact it'd had on those I loved. These thoughts often included Jasper. As I thought his name my stomach clinched, it felt heavy, almost like it was filled with stones. Or maybe I was still full from hunting?

I felt ill-prepared for what I would have to face. Even though everything about that horrible day consumed my every thought over the years, the guilt that lurked at the corners of my mind that I felt for bringing this all down upon the Cullen's… I'd never truly dealt with any of it. After a while, I allowed my mind to close off the emotions, the feelings, the sensations. It was how I managed to survive. But now, as our car sped off the highway and down the exit ramp, towards Seattle-Tacoma International, I felt the waves of emotion begin crash against me. Loss. Guilt. Pain.

The pain was still as strong and ever present, and the wounds still fresh. These were unlike the gaping wound that had been left behind when Edward had left me standing in the woods behind Charlie's house. Instead of just the one, there were many, scattered across my body, making it impossible to hold myself together. In the beginning it had made even the most insignificant tasks feel physically impossible.

This pain was part of what drove him away, I was sure, along with everyone else's pain. He was already hurting, enduring his own grief. But quintuple the grief; it must have been too much for him. While I'd found solace in hiding, he'd found his in running. He only made it a day before he left us.

I was still in a fog as we went through the line at the check in counter. The girl looked at us strangely when we informed her we had neither luggage to be checked in or carried on.

The flight from Seattle to San Antonio was delayed, only adding to the level of anxiety. We'd be cutting it very close to at this rate, and we couldn't count on the forecasted cloudy day in the normally sunny city in Texas. Emmett was pacing, Rosalie was fussing with her hair again, all the while watching Emmett as he paced, while Esme stared expectantly up at the arrival and departure screens. Carlisle was standing very still, hands clasped behind him as he stared out the window. With his posture, he looked much as he did when he stood just beyond the bonfire.

He'd stood that way for hours, staring into the flames, until they became embers, until those became ash.

All through the night, Emmett and Rosalie held me, as Esme stroked Jasper's back as he lay on the ground.

As dawn began to break, Carlisle was the first to finally speak. "We should be moving," he said quietly.

Rosalie and Emmett lifted me to my feet, but my body, much like my mind, was arrested by the pain, unwilling to move and function properly.

"I'll take her," a gentle voice said in my ear.

The ground disappeared from beneath my feet, my face tilting up towards the sky. My eyes finally met Esme's as she carried me like an infant. The wind pushing past my face and rustling my hair was my only indication of how fast we were moving, as we moved silently through the woods. But then the wind stopped moving, and I felt Esme's arms tense around me. We'd stopped moving.

Though my senses were dulled, the stench of wolves could not escape me, but I did not move. I could hear the sounds of grumbling, and paws rusting through the brush, followed abruptly by the sound of foot falls.

"Sam, I am sorry we've crossed the border onto your lands," Carlisle said quietly.

"We know it was their last resort. We're only sorry we were not there to help them. We would have, had we known," Sam said, his deep voice sounding sincere.

"Thank you for giving my family time to take pause."

"It seemed appropriate," Sam replied. He hesitated for a moment then continued. "You've lost Edward and Alice then?"

"Yes, we have," Carlisle said sadly.

A whine rose up from somewhere in the woods, but I didn't look to see from whom or where it'd come from. Probably Seth.

I continued to stare up into the canopy that was growing brighter with the breaking dawn, the grey of the morning turning the lavender shades of night into dark jades and teals.

"You have the sympathies of the pack," Sam said, in answer to the whining. "You'll have to forgive me, but I must ask. Will they be coming back? If so, the pack will have to take measures to protect our people," he said delicately, his voice laced with apology.

It was Jasper who spoke this time. "No, they got what they came for."

We boarded the plane at 11:30. It gave us just enough time to make it to Houston, change planes, and land in San Antonio before the sun rose. Hopefully it would be obscured by the clouds still forecasted to be sitting over southern Texas.

I had a window seat, with Esme next to me, Carlisle on her other side. She was conscious of my need for space, maintaining a few inches from me, which was a feat even in first class. Even though I had defiantly left the shelter of my bookcase, I still felt the claustrophobic pressure of everything around me. I hadn't been more than seven miles from the house since that night, and here I was traveling hundreds.

Esme, who was usually perfectly composed, seemed to be almost restless. She was slowly shredding the magazine in her lap, a small pile of confetti accumulating on her knee. I sighed, and for moment chose to focus on someone besides myself. I leaned against Esme, who exhaled, relaxing, and put an arm around me.

It seemed like she'd always been taking care of me. She'd always regarded me as the baby of the family, before I was even a member of it. Perhaps that's why she had insisted on carrying me home, carrying me upstairs, laying me on the bed, staying beside me, stroking my hair all day, then all night, then into the new morning. The only time she'd left was when Carlisle met Jasper by the door. She'd kissed me on the cheek and silently slipped downstairs.

"I can't stay here," Jasper said in a hoarse voice.

"Jasper, stay with your family, we need each other more than ever," Carlisle said.

"Carlisle, I have to get out of here."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Carlisle asked.

"No," he replied firmly.

The whispered footsteps of Emmett and Rosalie moved down the hallway and stopped at the top of the stairs.

"Jasper…running away won't heal this faster," Esme said urgently.

"I can't…" Jasper said, his voice trailing off.

"How long?" Carlisle asked.

There was no answer.

"Jasper, I know this is far more painful than any of us can imagine, but please be careful. And come home soon," Carlisle said, sounding defeated.

"We love you," Esme whispered, choking back a sob.

I could hear a muffled sound, and I imagined that someone was hugging Jasper, probably Esme.

"Goodbye Esme, Carlisle," he said, his voice deepening. "See you around Emmett, Rosalie." His boots clunked across the hardwood floor of the foyer, and the front door opened. "Bye Bella," he said quietly, though it was still loud enough for me to hear it.

A new sob slowly moved through me. He was leaving. I wanted to run downstairs and beg him not to further tear this family apart, but I couldn't will myself to move.

The sound of the motorcycle Edward had given him boomed to life, and soon his engine was nothing but a quiet hum that eventually disappeared entirely.


	5. Chapter 5: The Texan

Chapter 5

We pulled onto a barely visible dirt road, marked only by a sign that read "Private Property, Trespassers Shot on Sight!" The thought occurred to me the same time Rosalie spoke.

"Shot on sight? That seems hardly legal," Rosalie said. "I mean what if someone happens to wander onto the property, just on accident, and he shoots them? It seems like that would defeat the purpose of keeping a low profile," she said, as we bumped along.

"As far as I know Levi's never made good on that threat, it's merely a means to keep people from venturing onto his property," Carlisle said, glancing in the rearview mirror.

"How long has he owned it?" Emmett asked, shifting uncomfortably between Rosalie and me.

Although my mind was still groggy, I hadn't missed Rosalie's 'no bitch,' comment, which I'd quickly followed up with the same statement. Emmett protested noisily. "I don't want the bitch seat!" he'd cried, but Rosalie just chuckled as she held the door open for him to climb in next to me, before she slid in after him.

"Well Levi's father built the house, though I'm not exactly sure when. I believe Levi was in his forties when he was changed. After he changed, Levi continued to live here, so every fifty or so years, the deed would be signed over to his _next of kin_, a son named after him. I believe he is currently known as Levi Barnes the Fifth," Carlisle said, the SUV suddenly emerging from the trees, the sky appearing overhead, cloudy as forecasted.

We came to a slow halt as I peered out the window, up at an old farmhouse. It must have been white, ages ago by the looks of it, but now it was grey and weathered looking. In fact the whole house, not just the paint job, looked like it'd seen better days. Some of the shutters were gone, others hanging off of their hinges. There were a few boards missing on the stairs, leaving a few gaping holes. Large pieces of wood boarded up holes in the siding, as well as the windows.

I stepped out of the car and walked around the back of the car, glancing across at the cornfield that had obviously gone untended and left to rot, years ago. The scarecrow had a creepy look to it, its clothes ragged, the face with its paint washed away and torn in places. I had to admit to myself that had I been here alone, I'd have been scared out of my mind. Even now, I was still a bit on edge.

All five of us stood in front of the house, side by side, staring up at it in awe. Esme cleared her throat, and Rosalie, Emmett, and I jumped. Clearly I wasn't the only one who was nervous. Esme looked disapprovingly at the house, and crossed her arms.

"What?" Rosalie asked presently.

Esme sighed. "This house is circa 1850, it has so much more potential than Levi's allowed for it," she said, raking her eyes over the exterior with a critical eye.

Watching Esme fretting over an unrealized restoration project made corner of my mouth twitch upwards. It felt normal for a moment. We all jumped when we heard movement coming from the house, the door suddenly opening. An older man stood in the doorway, a smug smile on his face. His hair was black, flecked with grey, and though he had been changed, as Carlisle said, in his forties, his face reflected a youthful glow. His pale skin hinted at thin wrinkles that probably had been much harsher in life.

"Esme, it looked like this at the turn of the last two centuries, and it'll still look like this for the next two," he said, coming down the stairs with the fluid grace only a vampire would possess.

Esme gave a small, embarrassed smile. "I know Levi, but you know I love old houses," she said. I imagined she'd have blushed if she had the blood flow.

"I know Esme, so do I," he said, grinning back. His grin faded as he turned his attention to Carlisle. "Carlisle, it's been a while."

"I wish it could have been under better circumstances, Levi, but I appreciate you inviting us to your home, I know it's not something you do often," Carlisle said, reaching out and shaking Levi's hand.

"It's only because you're my old friend, and because I haven't had the pleasure of meeting some of the newer additions to your family," Levi said, turning to us.

"Well I'd hardly say they're new, which speaks to how long it's really been, but this is Rosalie," he said, as Rosalie stepped forward, and shook Levi's hand. "Emmett," he continued, Emmett repeating the gesture. "And Bella," he said.

I stepped forward and shook his hand, dropping my gaze as I went to turn away. But Levi maintained a grip on my hand, and I looked up into his face again, his piercing red eyes meeting mine.

"I met your mate. He was a good 'un. I'm sorry to have heard what happened," he said, staring me hard in the eyes for a moment, then letting go of my hand. "Alright, let's get this show on the road," he said, gliding up the steps.

All of us followed him up the steps and through the front door.

"Oh!"

"Huh."

"Wow!"

The last one was Emmett. All three of us, the ones who'd never been to the house before, gasped as we stepped into the house.

The interior was a sharp contrast to the exterior. Comfort and luxury replaced dilapidation and despair. The walls were dark green, the floor was soft with a thick silver-colored carpet, which complimented the heavy pewter drapes, which were drawn. There were large, cushy armchairs and a couch, and brass lamps on each of the end tables. The shelves and walls were crowded with an array of artifacts, artwork, knickknacks, maps, and trinkets that reflected just how long Levi had resided in the house.

Levi chuckled and settled into a chair. "Now I know you're not disappointed with this, Esme," he said, winking at her.

Esme smiled shyly and looked around the room in approval. She and Carlisle settled into armchairs as Rosalie, Emmett, and I took the couch.

I stared over at a set of pictures on the wall next to a large map of Texas. Each of the pictures appeared to have been taken at a different period of time, given the medium of the photograph. The first was shiny, with a metal finish. The second was slightly colorized, with paint, on thick cardboard. The third was obviously more recent than the first two, but all the same it was yellowed at the edges. In all three Levi wore overalls and wielded a shotgun, grinning slyly. Below each picture was a caption; "Levi Willis Barnes, Jr., 1874," "Levi Willis Barnes, III, 1911," and "Levi Willis, IV, 1967."

Levi's smile faded and looked over at Carlisle. "Wellp, what are we going to do about your boy?"

It was clear that had Jasper been anyone else, unattached to the Cullen clan, Levi would have dealt with him a long time ago himself.

"Well obviously we're going to have to get him," Carlisle said, pulling the letter and articles from Peter out of the breast pocket of his jacket and handing them to Levi.

"The question, I suppose, is where to start," Levi said, leaning back in his chair and glancing over the first article.

"What we know so far is that Jasper has been hunting predominantly in San Antonio," Carlisle began.

"And Austin," Levi added, as he continued to stare down at the papers in his hands.

"And Austin…" Carlisle repeated, trailing off.

"You missed the reports about the string of suicides by train, it had vampire written all over it," Levi elaborated.

"Oh," Carlisle said, uncomfortably. "Alright, San Antonio and Austin, and his hunting, though slightly varied, seems to suggest he prefers younger…er…prey."

"Understandable, but it's no good for staying under the radar," Levi grumbled. "Everyone pretty much knows at this point. Austin's crowd, they're almost as mad as Perry is, and that jackass is in a foul mood. I'd say that's your most immediate issue right there, Perry's lost it entirely. Your boy has one hunt left in him, if what everyone is saying is true, which it might as well be."

"Two cities…" Carlisle said aloud, running a hand through his hair as he thought.

"We're going to have to search both of them," Esme said, looking hard at her husband.

"And at the same time, if we're going to stand a chance at getting to him before someone else," Carlisle said, staring down and the coffee table.

"Split up?" Rosalie asked, her forehead creased with concern.

"Perry's already made the call for Jasper, I have no doubt Austin won't be far behind. We'll have to split up if we're going to have a chance," Levi said.

I cringed at the thought.

"We'll need to be logical about this," Carlisle said, standing up and crossing the room in a single stride, to the map of Texas that hung on the wall. "Austin is closer, but San Antonio's bigger—"

"Not to mention it sounds more likely we'll have a fight on our hands if we run into anyone," Emmett said, his voice tinged with longing and excitement.

"San Antonio is clearly the priority. We'll have to cover more ground, and in a shorter amount of time. Bella, you'll need to go to San Antonio, your speed will be better served there," Carlisle said, turning to me.

"Alright," I said, nodding once.

Levi stood up and walked over to the roll-top desk and fished around in the bottom drawer. "And I think if we encounter any aggression, you'll fare better if I'm in San Antone. I'm not saying they will, I'm just saying it's more likely they'll listen to me," Levi said, walking back over with a stack of papers, some of them looking like maps.

"And if it comes down to a fight, I want in," Emmett said, cracking knuckles as he grinned.

"Em!" Rosalie hissed, looking at him disapprovingly.

Esme was giving him the same look, but she didn't say anything, and instead began to paw through the stack of papers, and pulling out a map of Austin.

"Rose," he pouted, "You know it makes the most sense. Besides, I'll be with Bella, and she's almost as strong as me," he said, grinning down at me, "Almost."

"Well that leaves Rose, Esme, and myself to cover Austin," Carlisle said, running a finger over the map on the wall.

"We should probably make a run for it, and let them have the car," Esme said, looking up from the map. She looked worried. Her family was going to be in harm's way, again.

I felt guilt wash over me again.

"Right, we'll make a circuit map, a search area of the city for each of us. If any of you find him, call me immediately. It'll be a fight, but obviously he can't stay in the city, whichever one he's in," Carlisle said, coming over and looking at the map in Esme's hand.

"We can rendezvous back here, but you can't stay. I'm sorry," Levi said, fishing out a map of San Antonio and passing it to Emmett, who took it out and began to study it. "I can't risk pissing off the locals with a bunch of out-of-towners, no matter how long we've been friends."

"What you're offering is more than we could ever ask," Carlisle said graciously.

"That's enough of those fancy words, Carlisle. We just say, 'thank you,' here in Texas."

"Thank you," Carlisle said simply, a smile playing across his face. It quickly melted away when he said in earnest, "If any of you find yourself in a situation where…if things turn for the worse…I don't want anyone to…" Carlisle said. He was normally so eloquent. He swallowed, and set his jaw, "If any of you are left with the options of fight and die or run, you run."

"Carlisle, I—" Emmett protested, jumping up.

"Emmett, you will not stay and fight only to—"

"But if—"

"NO!" Carlisle shouted.

I looked up in shock. The only time Carlisle ever raised his voice was during baseball, and that was only to cheer, or mockingly challenge a call by Esme. Otherwise he was so calm and collected. Everyone was shocked, Levi included.

Carlisle exhaled sharply, and gasped again. It sounded so much like a sob, but surely Carlisle wasn't crying. "We have lost three members of our family, I will _not_ lose anymore," he said, his voice cracking slightly on the word 'not.'

Emmett opened his mouth and closed it, words failing him. He simply nodded and sat back down next to Rosalie, whose eyes were wide. Our eyes met briefly, our eyebrows raised in shock. There was a pause that seemed to suck the air out of the room.

Esme reached out and squeezed Carlisle's hand. He looked down at her, and closed his eyes briefly, then sat down on the arm of the chair next to her, staring at his hands.

A moment later, Levi cleared his throat. "Alright," he said, standing up. "You kids ready?" he asked, looking at Emmett and I.

We both nodded and stood up. "We can talk search areas in the car," he said.

We all looked at one another for a moment, as if we were memorizing this one moment in time that seemed to stretch on forever. But finally the moment ended, and Emmett leaned over and kissed Rosalie.

"Be careful," Esme said quietly.

"Always," Emmett said, grinning over at Esme.

"We will," I said, standing up, and giving Esme a hug.

"We'll be leaving a in a few minutes after we come up with our plan," Carlisle said, nodding once to each of us, then cocking his head to one side, looking over the map again.

"Let's be safe out there folks. Lock and load!" Emmett cheered irreverently, grinning at his own joke, and glancing over at me as he gracefully bounded towards the door, turning around to face me.

The corner of my mouth twitched up again and I followed and met Levi at the door, who held it open for me.

Emmett was the last one out the door, who stuck his head back in and called, "See you folks in a few hours!"


	6. Chapter 6: San Antonio

Chapter 6

The sun was peeking out slightly from behind the low lying clouds on the horizon, setting the Emmett to sparkling in the driver's seat. A single sunbeam shone on my throat, undoubtedly leaving me looking like I was wear a diamond choker.

"Great," Emmett said, staring down at himself with a look of disgust.

"Relax, the sun is almost set, it'll be down by the time you start running," I said, rolling my eyes.

"What about you?" he asked, looking at me in the rearview mirror, his eyes lingering on my neck.

"What about me? I'm not as slow as you, so they'll never see me," I said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You are so lucky we already dropped Levi off, otherwise we'd totally throw it down right now."

"Yeah, that is too bad, not to mention convenient. Slowpoke," I said, whispering the last word, knowing full well that he could hear me. I knew I was baiting him, but it was almost fun.

"Oh it is _so_ on when we get home!" he said, turning around to look at me.

"Eyes on the road," I snapped. "I don't think renter's insurance covers acts of macho vampires," I retorted.

Emmett growled to himself and turned down a side street.

The sun did not shine here. Tall buildings eclipsed the setting sun. After driving down this road for a few minutes, we reached the edge of this part of town, and the beginning of the path I'd be running in order to cover the most ground.

We'd dropped Levi off in the most troubled part of town, trouble directly relating to someone whom he'd referred to as 'that jackass,' though I suspected he'd meant Perry, the leader of the coven who'd named Jasper. Levi had said Perry lived not too far from where we'd let him out, though neither Emmett, nor I had smelled anyone besides ourselves, as the door slammed shut.

However, the part of town we were in now would have probably, by human standards, been considered the troubled part of town. It was a low income, industrialized area of town; the beautiful parts of San Antonio lay behind us in the skyline. Some of the houses were abandoned, and businesses long since closed up. The houses that were occupied were crooked on their foundations, many of the front porches haphazardly propped up with long planks and cinderblocks. Some of the remaining businesses were comprised of a handful of convenience stores, 24 hour check cashing, bail bondsmen, some warehouses, and a dirty video store.

The SUV coasted to a stop, and Emmett pulled on the parking brake.

"Alright, you know where you're going," Emmett said, seemingly reassuring himself, rather than asking a question.

"Yep," I said simply.

"And you've got your phone?"

"Yep," I said, patting my pocket.

"Alright," Emmett said again, uncertainly.

"What is it?" I asked, leaning forward in the seat.

"Just be careful," he said.

"I will, Em," I said, reaching over and squeezing his upper arm.

"Promise me something?"

"Maybe. What?" I asked. I did not make a habit of making promises. Not after the last one I'd made.

"If anything happens, you'll call me first," he said, giving an embarrassed, but hopeful smile. "I'll run to where ever you are."

I thought for a moment. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with that request. "Yeah, sure, I can do that," I said finally.

"Kay," he said, reaching up and squeezing my hand.

I gave him the twitch of a smile I reserved for him alone and got out of the car, pulling my bag over my shoulder and across my chest.

"Save some of the bigger ones for me," he joked.

I nodded, twitched the smile again, and shut the door behind me.

The car sped off, leaving me alone on a now rapidly darkening street, in the dusky light of the receding clouds and rising moon. The wind picked up, kicking up the dirt on the street and sending it spiraling away from me. I closed my eyes, taking in my surroundings. I could hear humans talking from within their homes. A piece of equipment was beeping away as it moved palettes in one of the nearby warehouses. Cars were passing a block away. I took a deep breath in. There was nothing worth noting. Only the normal smells of a city.

I looked around me. The street was empty of human life. I started to jog down the street at a normal human pace, just in case anyone was watching. At the next block I began t run faster, my rhythm increasing. Another block later I broke into a sprint more at my speed. The pavement glided beneath me, the houses flying past me as I seemingly stood still, and the rest of the world moved towards, around, and beneath me. I breathed in and out, trying to discern even the faintest of familiar scents.

It was nearly midnight, the full moon had emerged from the clouds leftover from earlier in the day, casting the city in varying shades of blues. There had been no sightings, no trails, no hints, no bonfires. Nothing. I'd long since left behind the residential neighborhoods and the industrial parks, now I was running through the northwest part of the city. I felt the sense of urgency and anxiety, ganging up on me.

I was almost to the point of calling Emmett to ask him if he'd found anything (knowing full well he hadn't,) when it hit me in the face. Despite the fact I was looking for it, it still caught me off guard, so much so that I immediately planted my feet, nearly toppling over in the process, and reached out to catch myself on a parking meter, both of which were a bad moves. Immediately there were two sounds that happened simultaneously, groaning metal, and the sound of crunching, as the cement that had been directly beneath my feet was now reduced to gravel. I looked around wildly, recognizing I'd potentially just exposed myself. Humans didn't just materialize out of thin air, or break the sidewalk for that matter. I winced as I looked over at the parking meter. Nor did they bend solid metal parking meters into 45 degree angles. But the nearest humans were standing on the corner, a block away, and they hadn't noticed anything. I quickly attempted to right the meter, but it still leaned at a funny angle. The scent wafted on the breeze into my face again, and I spun around, my nostrils flaring, as I tried to pull in as much of the scent possible. Vampire. It was an unfamiliar one, but a vampire all the same. The trail wasn't too old, maybe an hour? And it was only one. It seemed to have been heading east, on a cross street. I debated, looking down the street I'd been running down, and then down the cross street.

It was the first vampire trail I'd picked up on, but it could just be a vampire, someone passing through. Or it could be one of Perry's. I didn't know what to do. I sighed and took another deep breath in. I couldn't just go down this street, I had a predetermined path I needed to follow, in order to make sure no stone went unturned. I sighed and resolved to pay close attention to the trail, as the cross road ran through much of the area I'd be searching.

I checked around me again and broke out into a run. I headed south for several more blocks, then headed east, turning north on the next block. I picked up the scent again, as it continued down the cross street. In fact the scent seemed to be heading straight into the heart of the city, I kept coming across the scent, which kept growing stronger and stronger. As I continued east, the lights of the city turned from the white of street lamps, to the oranges, reds, and blues of neon lights of bars, restaurants, and clubs. When I crossed over the scent for the sixth time, I slowed, and came to a stop in the shadows of a building on the corner. Whoever it was, they'd turned onto the street I was on, and stopped near a bar two buildings down from where I was. Loud music erupted from the bar every time the doors opened, as people streamed in and out onto the street, some taking cabs, and others walking further east towards similar places only sprinkled along the street.

The wind suddenly picked up again, gusting in my direction. The stranger's smell intensified. Whoever it was, they were no longer outside. None of the people remaining on the street were vampires. I was about to continue on when the doors opened again. A chorus of "Friends in Low Places" went up, and a group of people walked out, including a woman with dark red hair. The breeze caught her hair and blew it in all directions. She giggled and ran a hand through her hair, trying to shift it back into place. Her scent went up, carried on the breeze, and filled my lungs. My eyes widened.

Jasper. I hadn't seen him in years, but I could never forget his scent. It was only a faint whisper of his scent, honey, apples, rain, oak, and hint of pine, but it was there, and it'd come from her. I emerged from the shadows and walked quickly towards the crowd the woman had been standing with. I brushed past her and took a deeper breath of her scent. Unmistakable.

I hesitated, and then tapped her on the shoulder.

She turned to me, and gave me an expectant smile.

"Erm, sorry," I said awkwardly, "But do you know a guy named Jasper? He's kind of tall, longish blond hair, really handsome?" I considered throwing in red eyes, but decided against it.

Her forehead creased as she seemingly searched for something she'd recognize. "No, I don't know anyone like that, but if you find him, definitely send him my way!" she laughed. Air expelled from her as she laughed, and the smell of bourbon and cigarettes filled my lungs. I tried not to cringe as I nodded and quickly apologized.

I walked towards the bar, and then turned my head to look down the street. I took a deep breath. In that breath I could sense that three things. One, Jasper had not been here. Two, the stranger had gone into the bar, but had left. Three, this hadn't been the woman's first stop. I wondered if the stranger had picked up on this as well. But what had called this other vampire here in the first place? They'd made a bee-line for this bar. I weighed my options and decided to venture inside.

It was packed inside, but it was immediately clear why whoever it was had come here. Over the smell of cigarettes and booze was the scent of two other vampires. A wave of anxiety washed over me. Two. I'd be out numbered. The song changed over the speakers, a loud guitar intro blared on. The music was so loud it was hard to imagine any of the humans could hear one another. With my hearing however, each sound and voice was easily differentiated. I ignored the couple of comments about the hot brunette who'd just walked in and zeroed in on the comment, "Another one just walked in, but I don't know this one."

I looked up and saw two vampires, a male and a female, standing at the end of the bar, staring over at me. I stared back at them and nodded. They nodded back, got up and walked towards me. In another life my palms would have been sweating, and my pulse racing. A part of me idly tried to recall the feeling of my racing heart, as the two sauntered up to me, amusement painted on the face of the male, wariness on that of the female.

They both looked like they were trying to fit in, though clearly trying to attract people to them at the same time, both wearing clothes that accentuated their beauty. Even as they moved through the crowd, many pairs of eyes followed them with interest. The male had shortly cropped orangey-red hair. His shoulders and arms bulged slightly under his plaid button shirt. The female was slightly taller than the male. Her slender features were well complimented by the short denim dress she wore, exposing and accentuating her long, pale legs, and her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, elongating her further.

I slid alongside the bar and waited.

"Hey there," the male said, sidling up next to me.

The woman stood away from the bar between us, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Hi," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"You're a new face," he commented. "New eyes too," he said, his eyes traveling down my body and back up to my eyes. "I'm Perry," he said, smiling and offering his hand. He spoke in tones and speeds that only a vampire would understand.

I shook it and forced a smile back. This was not the time to be myself. "I'm Bella," I said. I looked over at the female expectantly, and when I received no greeting, looked back at Perry.

"This is Mable, she's a bit on edge, so don't mind her."

"On edge," she said sarcastically, laughing quietly.

He glanced over at her with a look of warning.

"What's with the gold eyes?" she asked, staring back at me.

"Oh, I, uh, don't hunt humans," I said, shrugging.

"Don't hunt humans?" Mable said in a shocked tone.

"Animals," Perry supplied, not taking his eyes off mine. "So what brings you to San Antonio?"

"I'm just exploring. I've never been here, so I thought I'd stop by, see what it was like. I picked up on the scent of a vampire, and thought I'd stop in, you know, say hi."

"Hi," Mable said cuttingly.

I sighed, and looked over at Mable now. I wondered what was bothering her, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to know the answer, so I left it alone.

"Mable," Perry said warningly, his smile fading. "You'll have to excuse my mate. We're dealing with an issue here in town, concerning some visitors."

"Exactly how long do you plan on visiting here?" Mable snapped.

"Um, I hadn't really thought of staying too long, maybe a few days?" I said, furrowing my brow.

"And you definitely don't plan on hunting humans?" Mable asked, shifting closer towards me.

"No, not at all, I've never even hunted humans before," I said, sliding a few inches back.

Perry put a hand on Mable's shoulder. She turned and looked into his eyes and there seemed to be some sort of exchange before he nodded, and she relaxed.

Mable turned back to me, a small, shy smile on her face. "I'm sorry. Things are just very tense here right now. I apologize for being so rude."

"You're fine," I said, shifting back towards where I'd been standing. I tried to look relaxed as well, though I wasn't sure if it was coming across as such. "What's going on? What do I need to know in order to keep from pissing you all off?" I said, forcing another smile.

"Well, you're already ahead of the game. For starters, we obviously don't have to lecture you on the importance of discretion in our territory," Perry said, smiling back.

"Is someone attracting attention to you all?"

"Yeah, and obviously we don't like to draw any attention to ourselves."

"Unless we're trying to attract someone to us," Mable said, giggling, and looking over her shoulder at a man who had been staring at her, and who quickly turned away. "That's why I'm "on edge," tonight," Mable explained, doing air quotes with her fingers and playfully nudging Perry. "I was worried you'd be another problem we'd have to fix."

"Have you tried talking to whoever it is?"

"Tried, but he doesn't listen. He's pretty much out of chances as it is," Perry said, his red eyes darkening. "I don't like giving the order, but it's for everyone's protection. We don't need the Volturi showing up here."

I winced at the mention of the name. I couldn't help it.

"Not a fan of them, I take it?" Perry asked with a look of surprise, eyebrows raised.

"Let's just say I have a healthy respect for them." I wanted off of the topic immediately. "So I take it you're the head of your coven?" I asked Perry.

"It's not so much a coven as it is a group of vampires with a sense of respect for one another and to our city. There are ways to exist unbeknownst to the rest of the world, and we all just agree to abide by those ways," Perry said simply.

"Sounds nice," I said, my eyes straying back to the door. I didn't really have time to be having a long conversation.

He glanced across the bar at a woman who was staring at him with a confused look of desire and curiosity. He winked at her, and quickly looked back at me. "Speaking of which, I'll be needing to excuse myself shortly, I believe my entrée has just made herself known, and I'll need to get her out of here if I want to eat tonight. Feel free to stick around. Just don't go around hunting people's pets," Perry said, grinning.

"Yeah, do we need to set up a perimeter around the SPCA or anything?" Mable joked.

"I can guarantee you that won't be necessary. I'm actually heading out of town now for some hunting."

"Yeah? I'll never understand your choice of diet, but I hope you have fun with that!" Perry said, reaching out and shaking my hand again.

"Maybe we'll see you around?" Mable asked hopefully.

"Maybe," I said, forcing another smile as she shook my hand.

Inwardly I shuddered at the thought, the possible circumstances we could be under for our paths to cross again.

Perry walked away from the bar and towards the woman he'd winked at, while Mable leaned against the bar, staring off into the crowd with a hungry look on her face. I turned towards the door and blinked my eyes several times. I weaved my way through the crowd and headed outside, into the wind and what would have been for humans, the cold.

The wind gusted and the red head's scent floated down the street, with the traces of Jasper and the other vampire accompanying it. The street was fairly crowded, with people moving from bar to bar, so it was difficult to move with any sort of inconspicuous speed. I settled for a fast-paced walk in the direction of the scent, completely ignoring the original path I'd been following, as it took me down the street, and over a few blocks. All the while, I ducked around groups of people walking slowly, and ignoring the whoops and cat calls coming from some of the drunks who ambled down the street past me.

The red head, she'd had quite the evening, stopping in at a few bars, even a small diner. The trail continued on, so I never bothered going into any more of the buildings. It was getting late anyway.

Rather abruptly, I was standing in front of a place called "Red Hot's," and her scent went cold. This was where she'd been dropped off, by a car, because her scent disappeared at the sidewalk. I inhaled deeply. Jasper's trail hadn't disappeared though. It was faint, but it wasn't coming from here. He hadn't gone into or come out of the front. That left the back. I hurried around the side of the building. Sure enough, his scent was all over the alley. He'd been here, and recently too.

Glancing around, I saw no one near me, and I ran down the alley, following his trail. It was getting stronger. I saw street lights ahead of me people crossing back and forth between the two buildings on either side of me, so I slowed to a brisk walk. A man leaned against a doorway, smoking a cigarette. I ignored him as I continued past him. His cigarette butt bounced past me, and I heard him walking after me. I picked up the pace, and he did as well. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his hand shoot out towards my bag, and I spun around and grabbed him by the wrist.

"You don't want to do that," I said coldly, squeezing his wrist, the bones threatening to crack beneath my grip.

"No! No! I'm sorry, I don't. Let me go?" he groaned, struggling to get away from me.

I stared at him for a moment then threw him to the ground, and walked away quickly.

I heard him mutter, "Jesus Christ," and I rolled my eyes. Hopefully he'd think twice before trying something like that on someone again.

The trail suddenly wound up the side of the building, only feet from the mouth of the alley, in plain view of anyone who passed by.

"Yeesh, he really doesn't have any regard for the rules, does he? That's just great Jasper," I thought.

I retreated down the alley. The man who'd attempted to accost me was long gone. I was alone in the alley, and far enough in that no one could see me. I crouched low, and then jumped, catching onto the wall of the building, and scrambling up it. I reached the roof without anyone noticing me. I stood up on the roof, and breathed in the scent. The way the wind was blowing, it felt like his scent was all around me. I needed to get some perspective, to see if I could pinpoint the direction of his scent. I dashed to the corner of the building and crouched over the edge, staring down at the people walking back and forth beneath me. Even ten stories up, I could tell that there were fewer people on the street. It must have been getting really late. Wind rustled my hair, and the scent brushed past me. He'd leapt to the building across the street.

I sighed and backed up a few feet and jumped across the space between the two buildings. I rushed to the side of the building, his trail continued to the next building, I leapt again, and again, from building to building, following him. All the while, the wind carried to me the scent of the stranger, who wasn't following Jasper's invisible footprints as precisely as I was, but it was crystal clear he was tracking Jasper. But where had Jasper been going?

I ran across the top of a building, when the scent became overpowering. Jasper was not just nearby, he was here, or at least, he had just been here. I crossed the rooftop in a few strides and leaned over the edge, looking all around me. I looked at the fire escapes, the walls, and the roof of the neighboring building, which was a few stories shorter than the building I was standing on.

Suddenly I was distracted by the sound of laughter.

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk, directly to left, beneath me, arm in arm, a petite brunette and a blonde.

"You're nuts, you know that right?" the blonde whined.

"What?"

"That guy in Red Hot's was gorgeous!"

"He gave me the creeps, the way he was staring! It was just too weird," the brunette replied.

"Maybe he thought you were hot?" the blonde supplied hopefully.

"A guy that good looking? No, no way. Anyway, I would think if he had really been that interested, he'd have done more than sit up at the bar staring all night."

"You should have asked him to go dancing or something."

They reached the corner at this point and came to a stop.

"Well I walked past him a half dozen times, and gave him a few smiles, isn't that enough of a green light?"

"No, no it isn't."

"Oh, whatever!" the brunette cried, laughing, and letting go of the blonde's arm. "Goodnight Liz!"

"Goodnight Lydia," Liz replied, laughing.

Liz crossed the street and disappeared around the corner. Lydia turned to the right and continued beneath me. She'd reached the next block when I saw him. Jasper.

I held back the gasp, as I saw him step out of the shadow of a column, and crouch on the ledge, ready to spring. At the same moment, the smell of the strange vampire intensified. He was here too, and he'd been waiting for this moment. I couldn't take my eyes off Jasper to search out where the stranger was. It was clear Jasper was completely focused on his prey, his eyes trained on the girl walking along the street beneath us, unknowingly being stalked by a bloodthirsty vampire. The wind blew, keeping me downwind from him, and given the direction from their scent had come, downwind from the stranger as well. Jasper was so absorbed, he had no idea anyone was there, watching. He tensed, and sprang forward. In an instant I threw myself across the precipice of the two buildings, launching myself in a single bound to where he was, colliding with him in midair. The thunderous crash echoed against the buildings and through the empty streets, as we tumbled into a wall, then to the ground.

Jasper snarled, wrestling with me on the ground, the way we'd landed, I was at a severe disadvantage, I lay on my side, as I tried to pin his arms. I just needed him to look at me in the face.

"Jasper!" I cried.

He grabbed me around my torso and flipped me over onto my back, pinning me to the ground by my shoulders with his left arm. I struggled against him, wildly grappling with his arms.

"Jasper, it's ME!" I cried.

I pushed up with left hand on his shoulder, while I reached over with my right, trying to budge his arm, but it wouldn't. His advantage increased in this position. "IT'S ME!" I cried. Suddenly, he lunged forward and sank his teeth into my right forearm, shaking it like a dog. "IT'S ME, BELLA!" I screamed in pain.

Jasper's eyes suddenly locked onto mine in recognition. He stopped shaking me, but maintained his grip on me. I gasped in gulps of air. "It's me," I repeated quietly. "It's me."


	7. Chapter 7: The Rescue

Chapter 7

His eyes searched mine, and he released my arm, and sprang back against the wall into a defensive position, staring at me wide eyed.

"Jasper…" I said, sitting up slowly, not taking my eyes off him.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, his red eyes dark, and filled with anger.

"I'm here to…" What was I doing here? "I'm here to save you, I guess," I said, my voice trailing off.

"Save me?" he asked.

A wave of pain washed over me, and I winced, cradling my arm.

Jasper flashed to my side and crouched over me. "I can't believe I bit you, I'm sorry, I, I didn't know…" his voice filled with agony, as he stared down at the clearly defined bite wound that now shined with glints of light from the venom within my flesh.

"It's okay," I said, licking an index finger and running it across the puncture marks. My eyes rolled back in my head, as the venom bonded the flesh together, it felt like hot metal searing my skin, though I could honestly say I'd felt worse.

I opened my eyes again and Jasper was staring at me full in the face. Concern had given way to anger.

"What are you doing here?" he asked again.

"I told you. I'm saving you," I said, firmly this time. I stood up and brushed myself off. "We need to get out of here, now," I insisted.

Jasper straightened up and smiled mockingly at me. "You talk like I'm in some kind of danger."

"That's because you are," I said coldly. "This was supposed to be your last hunt, the locals, they came for you tonight."

He stared back for a moment, smirked again and shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something when the wind shifted.

Lydia's scent blew up to the rooftop, and his eyes flashed, and he moved to spring. I lunged forward, grabbing him around the chest, and threw him against the wall, the cement crackling behind him. I leaned hard into him, and locked my left arm under his throat, holding his head in place so I could stare into his eyes.

"No, we're not going after that!" I snarled.

He struggled beneath me to get free, staring off in the direction of the scent.

"Jasper, take a good deep breath of the air, go past the smell of that girl. Can't you smell them, the other vampire?" I said, staring intently at him.

He continued to snarl, his hands clinching around my wound.

I grimaced a little, but held him in place.

"BREATHE!" I commanded.

Jasper took in a few gasps of air, and he stopped struggling, but remained tense.

"You smell that? That's someone that's come for you. They've come to kill you. You've been careless and killing people left and right, and the locals are _pissed_. I know because I talked to them myself tonight, and one of them is here, _now_," I growled. "We have to get out of here, because at this point, I'm pretty sure they won't be happy with me now either. If I let you go, are you going to behave?" I searched his eyes for the reason to return.

He finally nodded, and I released him.

"What's the plan?" he asked quietly.

"I have to call Emmett," I said, pulling out my cell phone.

His hand caught my wrist. "Don't," he said.

My eyes traveled from my wrist up to his eyes, which tightened as he stared back at me.

"Please," he begged.

"What? Why?" I asked, my brow furrowing.

"Bella, please, I can't…" he said, turning around and facing the wall, leaning onto it for support. "I can't bear for them to see me like this," he said, his voice catching.

"Jasper, they came here for you, with me, to save you. They love you," I said, confused.

"Please Bella, I don't want them to see me, see what I've become!" he cried, hanging his head.

Suddenly he crumpled into a crouch and buried his face in his knees.

I knelt next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Jasper, they're not going to judge you."

"Bella, what do you see when you look at me?" he asked, running his hands through his hair and staring into my eyes.

"I see my brother and my friend."

"They're going to see their son and their brother, with _red eyes_," he said bitterly, his voice ragged on the last two words and wrought with guilt. "I don't know if I could stand to have them look at me that way. Please Bella. I cannot go to them, not looking like this." He looked up at me, his face pained.

I sighed and turned over in my head the options. I stood up and continued to stare down at Jasper, who looked up at me hopelessly. I set my jaw, and sighed.

"I need to call Emmett, I promised, but it'll be okay. You won't have to see anyone," I resolved.

"You promise?"

"I promise Jasper."

He nodded, and I pulled out my cell phone.

I hit the speed dial button for him and Emmett picked up on the second ring. I locked eyes with Jasper.

"Bells! Have you found anything?" he asked quickly.

"I found him. He's okay."

"Great! Where are you? I'm coming to you!" Emmett said eagerly.

"I can't tell you that Emmett," I said in a hoarse voice.

"What? Why not?" he asked, sounding confused.

"I…" I hesitated.

Jasper gave me a pleading look.

"I can't…" I finally said.

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"You're going with him, aren't you?" Emmett finally said.

"Yeah," I said, Jasper's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Yeah, I am."

Emmett sighed, "Damn it Bella…"

"I know," I said, shrugging a shoulder at Jasper. It seemed to ward off any argument he might have had.

Nearby, I heard a man speaking quickly, far too quick to be a human. "Yeah, he's here, but a female stopped him from making the kill. I've never seen her before," there was a pause. "What do you want me to do?"

"Emmett, I've got to go. Just tell everyone everything's going to be okay," I said, as Jasper stood up and looked around suspiciously.

"Alright, alright… Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful little sister. Take care of each other."

I swallowed hard, trying to push away the lump growing in my throat. "I will big bro."

"I love you Bella."

"I love you…and everyone else too. Bye Emmett," I said, my mouth twitching into his smile.

"Bye Bells," he replied quietly.

I snapped the phone shut and looked over at Jasper who stared back at me with a look of shock.

I glanced behind me, and stepped towards the edge of the rooftop, my toes peeking over the ledge. "We need to move," I whispered.

"Agreed," he said, coming to stand next to me.

I looked around us, not a soul in sight, still no sign of the stranger. "Straight down?" I suggested.

"Straight down," he agreed.

We both stepped off the edge. The wind pushed past us and blew my hair and jacket up wildly. I landed in a crouch, had my knees been locked I would have cracked the pavement for the second time that night. I straightened up and found Jasper had landed next to me. I ran a hand through my hair to fix it, and I looked up and down the street. Two cars turned down another street, a block away. I began heading north, running slow enough for Jasper to keep up.

"So how many of you are here?" Jasper asked, matching my pace as we ran down the sidewalk on the empty street.

"Well there are three of us here in San Antonio, and three in Austin," I said, my eyes searching the street for any sign of danger, or in Jasper's case, unwitting prey.

"Who's the sixth?" he asked curiously.

"Levi Willis Barnes the Fifth," I said without looking at him.

"Levi? Wow, there's someone I haven't—"

The wind shifted, and a whisper of a human scent hit us both in the face. It barely registered with me, but Jasper spun in the direction of the scent and took off.

"God damn it! Jasper!" I shouted, sprinting, and skidding to a stop ahead of him, grasping him by the shoulders. "No!" I cried, as if he were some misbehaving puppy.

"Sorry," he said, sighing.

I released him and guardedly watched him for any sign of mutiny.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"Mmhmm," I said, raising my eyebrows.

We continued along at a slower pace now, as a car turned down the street we were on and drove past us. Music blasted through the open windows, and someone crooned "Blinded by the Light" from within. It brought the scent of several sweaty bodies, fresh from some smoke filled dance club or bar.

Jasper roared with pleasure, and I lunged after him, grabbing him by the torso and throwing him into the brick wall of a building. The dark exterior of the brick crumbled, revealing a fresh rust color, the bits crumbling onto Jasper's dark leather jacket. He struggled against me, digging his hand into my right forearm. "NO!" I growled, my eyes twitching in pain. "We are not going to play this game Jasper! You're not eating the people of San Antonio anymore. You have been cut off."

Jasper growled back in annoyance and relaxed.

I glared at him as we now walked quickly down the street.

"Where are we going?" he asked presently.

"Um, well, we're leaving this city, and staying the hell away from Austin as well," I said in an irritated voice, as I rubbed my aching arm. "Other than that, I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"Well how do you plan on doing that? I certainly hope you have thought far enough ahead to consider a means of transportation. The sun's going to be rising soon, and you can't go around throwing me around into walls," he said, giving me a disgusted look. "People might notice."

I rolled my eyes and thought for a moment. "We could go to the airport and get a flight somewhere, somewhere that isn't around the family."

"I'm trying to attack passing cars, and you expect me to stay confined in an airplane with a few dozen people for several hours?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh, yeah, that's out." I sighed deeply, and winced as a garbage truck appeared at the end of the street.

Jasper smelled it too, but it wasn't garbage that he smelled. He smelled the humans in the driver's cab, and he took off after it in a flash. I was in front of him immediately. He dodged around me, and again, I appeared in front of him, standing in his path. He tried a third time and roared in protest as I stopped him.

"Jasper, I am faster than you. And the last time I checked, Emmett was the only one in the family stronger than me. So unless you really care to test if either of those is still the case, I suggest you stop this nonsense immediately," I said, putting my hands on my hips.

He stared at me, pouting. "I'm sorry, I'm just so thirsty!"

I gave him a look of disgust. "Can't you control it? Jeez! You're acting worse than me when I was a year old and tried to go after the Boy Scouts camping in the foothills behind the house."

Jasper sighed and wrapped his arms around his stomach and stared balefully at me.

"Alright, fine. We'll get a car, and we'll just drive. We'll get you out of the city. In the mean time, do I need to carry you around on piggy back to accomplish that?"

"No," he said indignantly.

"Fine, let's go," I said.

We began to sprint down the empty street. We'd gone a dozen blocks when a city bus carrying several passengers turned the corner and started coming towards us.

Jasper came to an abrupt stop, but didn't run towards the bus. "Bella…" Jasper whispered, as his body tensing.

I stopped as well and dashed back in front of him. I clamped a hand onto his shoulder and stared him in the eyes and waited for the bus to pass. He held his breath until the bus was safely out of sight.

"Thanks," he said, relaxing.

"Don't mention it," I said turning and facing the street. "I'm not doing this all night," I said, speaking more to myself than to Jasper, walking towards the curb, and staring at the cars parked along our block. On our side of the street there was a red Beetle, an old beat up Cadillac, a "soccer mom" van filled with sports equipment, several pickup trucks, and a dark blue Mustang with a white stripe up the front it. The choice was clear.

I walked towards the Mustang, and Jasper followed me with a confused look on his face. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm getting us a car," I said, leaning over the door and prying the passenger side window open with my fingers. A moment later I had the window down, and the door unlocked.

I opened the door and held it open for Jasper, staring at him expectantly.

"You're driving?"

"Yes," I said glowering at him.

"Has your driving improved since—"

"Jasper," I said warningly.

"I'm just saying—"

"Jasper, get in the damn car!" I said furiously.

"Alright, alright," he said, raising his hands in surrender and sliding in, shutting the door behind him. "She's the only clumsy vampire I've ever met," he said as he leaned over the front seat and unlocked the door.

"I'll have you know I am far less clumsy than I used to be as a human," I said, plunking down in the seat, and bending over the steering column and reaching under it, searching for the right set of wires located beneath the dashboard.

"I know, I remember," he smirked. "I'm just saying now you're only marginally clumsy for a human, but extremely clumsy for a vampire. I don't know a single vampire who's almost wrecked their car."

"Almost!" I repeated in protest. "And anyway I prefer the term less graceful," I growled, seizing the wires I needed, and pulling away their plastic casings. "And how do you know I haven't changed since you last saw me. I could be as graceful as a Balanchine dancer now, for all you know. Five years is a long time."

"Yeah, yeah it is," he said, the smirk disappearing from his face.

The car suddenly purred to life. I leaned back and put the car into gear. I pulled out onto the empty road and continued north. I flicked the air onto 'recirculate,' trying to cut down on the amount of outside air coming into the car. We'd reached the northern edge of downtown San Antonio when I slammed on the brakes.

There, standing in the middle of the road were four vampires, Perry standing in front, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression furious.

"Locals?" Jasper asked, apprehension in his voice, as he stared straight ahead.

"Locals," I replied.


	8. Chapter 8: Locals

Chapter 8

"I'll handle this," he said, reaching over and opening the door.

"No," I said, leaning across him, putting my hand over his and yanking the door shut.

He stared down at our touching hands; a second later he turned back to me, our faces only a few inches away, and stared intently into my eyes.

I quickly drew back into my seat. "I've got this. _Stay here._" I said, speaking the last part slowly and clearly.

"Bella, I'm not just going to let you—"

"Jasper, just listen to me please. What happens if you catch a scent? Do you think they're going to even let me have the chance to chase you down?"

Jasper stared at me for a moment then sighed. "You're right." He glanced back at four figures in the road, and then back to me, looking uncertain.

"If I need the help, you're only a split second away," I said reassuringly.

"Okay."

I stepped out of the car and shut my door, keeping my eyes down as I walked towards the group. Finally I allowed myself to look up and meet Perry's fierce glare. His expression was reflected on the faces of those with him, two males, and a female, Mable.

"So, 'just exploring,' San Antonio," he said scornfully. "You were just visiting a town you'd never been to before. 'Just visiting,' huh?"

"Yeah, and now I'm leaving," I said, swallowing. "_We_ are leaving."

"We," he repeated. Perry's eyes darted over my shoulder and then to the male on my right.

The male, the same one whom I'd tracked all night, who'd tracked Jasper, took a step towards the car.

I dove in front of him, putting myself between him and the car, and into a crouch, snarling.

"A little protective, aren't we?" the male asked, chuckling darkly. "I just wanted to see the car."

"So how much did you lie to us?" Perry asked, calling my attention back to him.

I tore my eyes away from the male and looked back at Perry. "I didn't. I came to explore."

"Clever, very," he sneered, "And you pumped Mable and I for the information you were looking for."

"I didn't have to pump you two for information, that information was well known, and I'd already found the trail. It was only a matter of time before I found Jasper," I retorted.

"Jasper, is it? Well Jasper's got a tough lesson to learn about prudence," Perry said, flexing his hands and drawing himself up into his full height.

"Oh really? Well the last time I checked you weren't the Volturi."

"And it seems to me you didn't really want the Volturi to show up here, so consider us doing our duty in the stead of the guard," Perry spat back.

"Over a pile of my smoldering ashes," I snarled.

Mable dashed from Perry's side to directly in front of me, within inches of my face. "That can be arranged," she growled.

We stared each other down, my eyes searching hers for the first flinch, the first sign that she was about to strike. Suddenly, a wave of calm washed over me, though I resisted. However, I was out of practice and unprepared and gave into Jasper's will. I grudgingly relaxed and straightened up out of my crouch, Mable doing the same. The other three seemed to settle as well, though all four looked confused as to why they suddenly lost their desire to fight.

"Why are you really here?" Perry finally asked, shaking his head, as if he were trying to shake away the calm.

"I heard you'd named him, and I came to find him, to save him," I said quietly.

"Who is he, your mate?" Mable asked, glaring suspiciously over at the car as she shifted back, taking a few steps away from me.

I sighed, and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. The thought of my mate set the wounds covering my body to throbbing. "No, he's my brother," I said, my voice a bit higher.

"Your brother?" Perry asked curiously. "Do you mean he was like you, the whole not eating humans bit?"

"Yeah, we shared the same lifestyle, but obviously things changed."

"Obviously," Mable echoed.

"So how does all that figure into him coming here and treating Texas like his own private buffet?" Perry asked.

"You know that healthy sense of respect I have for the Volturi?" I bit my lip and forced the emotions back into the hollow of my chest.

Perry nodded.

"After our mates refused to join the Volturi, the guard paid us a visit. There was a fight. It was only three of us, my mate, Jasper's, and me, but in the end I was the only one left standing," I said, looking back up. "They were murdered by the guard."

Mable's expression softened slightly. Perry's gaze remained icy.

I shook my head in frustration and turned my eyes to the sky. "He's here because of me, and I couldn't just let him get himself killed. Please, just give us the chance to get out of this city."

Perry cleared his throat, and all eyes were on him. "Alright, one chance," he said. Mable flitted to his side.

"And you don't stop for anything either. You need to get him out of San Antonio."

"Thank you," I breathed. "I'm going to take him somewhere where we can hunt. I think half the problem is that he's ravenous right now, he's so thirsty."

The male to Perry's left chuckled darkly, and Perry shot him a look, rolling his eyes.

"What?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

"Well, it's just hard to believe he's 'ravenous,'" the male sneered.

I raised my eyebrows in question.

"He got a girl on the south end of town not three days ago," Perry answered.

My jaw dropped. "Three days ago?!" I cried loudly, my eyes flashing.

I spun around and glared at Jasper, who'd suddenly become very interested in the ceiling of the car. He pursed his lips and sighed.

"Three days ago," I repeated, growling.

I was furious. The way he'd carried on, I wouldn't have guessed anything less than three weeks, but three days?! I was unusual for going a month without hunting, but that was only after years of conditioning. Most vampires hunted every two weeks, at minimum. His gluttony left his family worried sick about him, and covens marking him for death. How dare Jasper do this!

A wave of calm attempted to overtake my anger, but I wouldn't allow Jasper to distract me this time.

"Oh can it," I said sourly, rolling my eyes and turning back to those standing behind me. Their expressions again reflected an amusing cross between serene calmness and confusion.

I set my jaw and said quietly, "I hadn't been aware of that fact."

"Apparently not," Perry smirked. "Alright, we should all get going, the sun's going to be rising not too long from now."

"Thank you for this."

"No, seriously, don't mention it. To anyone," Perry said, raising a hand. "I don't need the rest of the south thinking I've gone soft."

"Okay," I said, turning around and walking back towards the car.

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay out of San Antonio for a while. And if you guys know what's good for you, stay out Austin for longer," Perry said warningly.

"That won't be a problem." I nodded once, and opened the car door, and slid into the seat, shutting the door behind me.

I looked up, and the street was now deserted, the vampires having disappeared into the grey of the early morning. I revved the engine a few times and pealed out.

"Bella?"

"No. Don't," I growled, my hands tightening around the steering wheel.

Jasper huffed and angled his body towards the window, and he stared out sullenly.

We drove in silence for nearly two hours. It was nearly five in the morning, and the sky had minutely changed to a lighter shade of grey.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably in the seat and sighed deeply.

"What?" I asked coldly, glancing over.

"I'm still thirsty," he said, with an edge to his voice.

"You're thirsty," I said incredulously. It wasn't a question.

"Yes! Don't act like you don't know what it's like to be thirsty," Jasper accused.

"Huh," I chuckled once, shaking my head. "I guess it's just hard to remember what that's like."

"Oh come on, Bella. Don't pull the holier than thou card on me now."

"Well excuse me, I'm just having trouble grasping how you could possibly be thirsty given that you hunted three days ago. After having _human_ blood three days ago," I said, glaring over at him.

"Are you going to make me feel guilty for hunting humans now? Is that where we're going? Because if it is, you can pull over now, or if you prefer, I can just jump out," he said, reaching over and opening the door slightly.

"Shut the door Jasper!" I hissed.

He opened the door wider, glaring at me.

"This is not about humans. This is about you putting your family through hell, just so you could overindulge in hunting. Do you have any idea how worried Esme was when we got the letter, or Rosalie, or Carlisle for that matter? He actually shouted at Emmett. Shouting—_Carlisle_! Because Emmett was all for coming into town, guns blazing to save you, even if it meant getting himself killed in the process—all because he cares about you. Everyone cares about you! When we heard that you had one more hunt left in you before you'd be taken out, we hopped on the first plane to get to you! And that's despite the fact that we knew there were dangers—do you understand that more than one coven is pissed at you? Out to get you? But saving you outweighed those dangers, because you are too important to this family. And to find out that you're just picking off humans left and right, regardless of the consequences… I just, I can't believe that you would put them, and put yourself through this," I ranted loudly over the noise of the wind rushing past the open car door.

Jasper yanked the door shut and stared over at me. "What letter?"

I allowed a small sigh of relief. "Peter sent a letter. He and Charlotte were really worried about you too. It was how we found out about where you were."

"Yeah, I saw them in Amarillo," he said quietly.

"That's what they said."

An awkward silence settled over us, farms and fields went by in a blur.

"So why'd you go back to humans?" I asked.

Jasper rolled his eyes and gave me an indignant look.

"What? I'm being curious, not critical! I thought it was too difficult for you to tolerate their last moments, something about their fear and pain being too distressing for you. How did you get past that?"

"Yeah well, I think you'll understand when I say that once you've experienced a certain level of agonizing pain nothing really compares," he said quietly.

I bit my lip and tried to push away the guilt that rose up within me. Being away from my shelf, my window, my home, I couldn't recapture the numbness that I'd once mastered, so the guilt won out, and consumed me. I accelerated the car, as if the speed would somehow put distance between me and the emotion, like I'd left it on the side of the road miles back, and I was merely driving away from it.

Jasper leaned over and looked at the speedometer. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"You're lying," he said. He stared at me intently for a moment. "Why do you feel guilty?"

I breathed out of my nose sharply, irritated that I could no longer hide things from those around me. I looked at him for a moment, then hit the brakes and eased over onto the shoulder of a country road. I took a few more deep breaths and slowly turned to him.

He stared back, looking mystified.

"Jasper, you cannot imagine how sorry I am for all of this, for what I've put this whole family through. If I could take it back, if I could have been stronger in the fight, or even if I could somehow have controlled my emotions more so afterwards, maybe you'd have been able to stay. I'm so sorry Jasper, I wish somehow I could—"

"Is that what that whole this being 'your fault,' was about back there?" he asked angrily.

I stared at him blankly then dropped my head down.

"Bella, look at me."

I looked up and met his furious gaze.

"Answer me."

"Yes," I whispered.

"You think I left because of you?"

"Well, yeah, because I was so…emotional," I said, searching for the last word.

He bit the inside of his cheek and stared at me for a moment, then slid back into his seat. "You are the most self centered person I have ever met in my existence, bar none."

"What?" I snapped.

"You are incredible. Only you could make the death of my wife and my brother, and the grief I felt from it entirely about you."

"I...I…I didn't—" I stammered

"You've had five years to mull this over, and in that time, the best you could come up with was that I left because you were too emotionally distraught?" he asked in disbelief. "Did it not occur to you that maybe I was a little grief stricken too? God!" he cried, opening the door and jumping out.

I got out quickly and stood awkwardly next to the car.

Jasper paced quickly back and forth in front of the car, causing a small cloud of dust to steadily rise like smoke as it shone in the headlights.

"I…I didn't think it was _just_ because of me, I just thought I might have been a contributing factor," I said, a new sense of shame washing over me. "I mean, of course everything around the house was going to remind you of her."

He stopped pacing and looked up at me. "Her? You're not even going to say Alice's name?"

I winced, and looked down at my feet, shamefaced.

"You can't say either of their names, can you?" he sneered.

"No, I can say their names," I said, frowning.

"Then say them. Say Alice, and say Edward!"

I winced again and huffed once, "Alice, Edward," I mumbled in a barely audible tone. I looked up at Jasper, trying to veil my pain with a look of defiance. "You happy?"

"You're ridiculous," Jasper said.

"Thank you, I've been told that before," I said bitterly, recalling the time Edward described me in the same way so long ago, before I'd ever known or even begun to guess he was a vampire. The memory had caught me off guard.

"Well then you shouldn't be so surprised to hear it!"

"I'll thank you to stay out of my emotions!"

"Yeah, it doesn't work that way, sweetheart," Jasper said sarcastically.

"What the hell, Jasper? What is wrong with you?!"

"I'm angry Bella, because you've somehow warped the story around in your head to make my grief about you, and I resent that, a lot. I left because my life in essence ended with Alice's. Being in Forks, living like the Cullen's, it only made sense when I was with Alice. And with Alice gone, continuing to live that life, living period, didn't make sense any longer."

"What do you mean 'like the Cullen's'? Jasper, you are a Cullen."

"No Bella, I'm not. I never truly fit in with the family because I didn't have this higher calling of being some moral form of vampire. I simply went where my love was taking us. The condition for being there was denying the most basic aspect of being a vampire, and for being with Alice, it was a price I was willing to pay. Yes, it was taxing to feel people's emotions as I was about kill them, but it was merely an inconvenience, not a deal breaker."

"So what, you left because you didn't feel any tie or obligation to your family because without Alice, they aren't your family?"

"'_They_ aren't your family'? See, even you refer to them like they're separate from you. Even you know that just because you get a new last name it doesn't mean you're a part of the family," he said with a sickening smirk.

I was completely taken aback. "I'm sorry, in these past five years did you eat a bunch of assholes? Because you certainly are acting like one," I said coldly, immediately turning on my heel and stalking across the road. I gracefully leapt the fence and broke out into a run through the field.

I couldn't believe how cruel…and how right he probably was. For a moment part of me longed to be human again, if only so I could have the release of crying actual tears. The lack of physical manifestation of emotion only pushed me to run faster. As much as I cared for Jasper's wellbeing, I couldn't face him, not now. His points, however apt, were enough. They were enough to make me wash my hands of him. He could do what he wanted, I'd done my good deed, saved him from getting himself killed, what he did next was entirely up to him.


	9. Chapter 9: The Apology

Chapter 9

After a few minutes of solid running, I'd crossed several fields, leaping the fences as I went. Some of the fields were empty, save for tall grass and gofer holes (one of which I only narrowly avoided,) some had cattle or sheep, while others had long troughs from ploughs. Looking around, the one I was in now had a dozen or so palomino horses.

A few of the horses trotted away in alarm as I came to a stop, while a couple looked on with mild interest. I soundlessly approached a bronze colored mare and reached my hand out to touch her. I could see her tense as I ran my hand through her mane. She snorted appreciatively and leaned into my hand, but whinnied and backed away in alarm as I touched my fingertips along her neck. The cold must have frightened her.

I shushed her quietly. "It's okay," I whispered. "I won't hurt you," I said, continuing to reach out, taking a step forward.

I had always loved horses, but as a child, my mother could neither afford horseback riding lessons, nor the hospital bills that would have inevitably followed my first riding experience.

She stopped moving away, and I gently touched my hand to her cheek, and tenderly caressed her face. "You don't have anything to be afraid of, I promise," I whispered. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I know you don't trust me, but please don't run from me," I begged. "You're so beautiful, and you're graceful and strong, and you just need someone to be kind to you, to show they care," I said, choking back a sob. I realized I wasn't talking about the horse anymore, and I pulled my hand away at the realization.

The horse leaned forward in expectation of my touch, and I hesitated, and reached forward again, stroking her mane. Amid the stamping of hooves of the horses, and hundreds of other livestock in the area, a new sound emerged, the sound of running feet. The mare's ears perked up, and her head turned in the direction from which I'd just come. I too, looked behind me and saw Jasper leaping a fence one field over. I sighed, and the horse stared into my eyes, her golden brown eyes reflecting concern and curiosity. I heard Jasper land lightly behind me, having jumped over the last fence and slowly walk across the field, and stopping a few feet behind me.

"You're right," he said.

I stared at the horse and raised my eyebrows and continued to pet her, not acknowledging Jasper in the least.

"You're very, very right," he repeated, "I am an asshole."

The horse strode away ten feet, and I walked beside it, my hand resting on its shoulder.

"You know you're the first person I've talked to in five years that I didn't intend on killing," he called, his voice getting closer as he slowly made his way nearer to me. I looked up as he walked up along the other side of the horse, meeting his probing red eyes.

"I'd hardly say that's true," I finally said, pulling my sleeve up and revealing the still raised bite mark on my forearm.

Jasper reached across and held my wrist and gently ran a finger over the mark, and I winced. He stared down at me with a look of concern. "I don't think I necessarily intended to kill you."

"Just put me off of your hunt."

"Precisely," he said, giving a half smile. "It still hurts?" he said, still holding my arm.

"Only when you push on it," I said pulling back my arm.

"I'm sorry," he said, staring down at his hands.

"It's no big deal, I've had worse," I said, pulling my sleeve past my elbow to reveal the faded, ragged, pearly scar that encircled my upper arm. "It goes back to normal after too long. And anyway, you always did want to sink your teeth into me, now you can finally say you did," I said, raising my eyebrows and giving a sour smile.

"No, well I mean, yeah I did, but no, that's not what I meant. I meant I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did back there. You were always part of the family, from the first moment you crossed over our threshold. I shouldn't have said anything to the contrary, as it's entirely a lie, I'm very sorry."

I studied him for a moment and sighed. "I'm sorry for assuming you left because of me."

"It's okay. It's sort of in your character."

"Excuse me?" I said sharply. The mare jumped and trotted away from Jasper and I. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him.

"Well, I mean, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, Bella, but you've always taken everything to heart, for as long as I've known you anyway. Someone's in peril, you've created the circumstances; someone's too weak, you're the temptation; and when someone leaves, you're the one that forced them to skip town. For some reason, you like to shoulder the blame for everyone and everything. I think you'd apologize for the rain in Forks if someone complained about it," Jasper said, raising an eyebrow.

"Thanks," I said sullenly.

"It's an endearing and irritating quality, both at the same time. It's strange," he said, kicking at a clump of frozen dirt.

"Sounds confusing," I said faintly.

"You have no idea," he said, chuckling. "So, asshole?"

"Asshole?" I repeated.

"You're cursing. When did that happen?"

I shrugged and walked towards one of the nearby horses, a creamy gold colored mare, and began to run my hand down her side. "I don't know, over time I guess. Emmett's influence too, probably. You used to curse a fair amount too, if I remember right."

"I guess I'm just not used to it coming from you."

I gazed into the horse's warm red-brown eyes, their depth and understanding emanating an almost human quality. As a vampire, horses were even more beautiful. I could detect the flecks of color in their eyes, the slightest movements in their muscles that made them appear to be in an almost constant dance, and even their smell was more wonderful. I breathed in the wonderful smell and let the palm of my hand move with the grain of its fine hair, feeling like the softest velvet. Horses, for me, might well have come in second when it came to their appeal and hypnotic draw for me, second only of course to vampires.

"Now I'm not so upset that you took off here," Jasper said, walking over to me and patting the horse's shoulder. He had an amused look on his face.

I looked up, a bit confused.

Reading my emotions he smiled. "You clearly love horses, and it's just nice to feel that warmth. It's not exactly something I've felt in a long time. It's kind of hard to experience someone's joy when they're terrified."

I gave him a startled look at the casual reference of suffering, "Oh, yeah, um, horses, I love horses. I have since I was little," I said, stumbling through my words.

"Do you ride?"

"No, no, definitely not. I always wanted to, but it never happened," I said embarrassed and staring down at the horse muscles twitching under my touch.

"Why not?" he asked, his eyes following my hands.

"Oh well, I mean we never really had the money to pay for lessons, or anything horse related, barn fees and the like," I said, shifting my weight. It was embarrassing to admit that we didn't have a lot of expendable income. "Plus can you imagine me on a horse back then? I nearly broke my neck just walking out of my house, and you're going to put me eight feet up on a moving, living, heavy creature?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah," he sniggered, "I uh, don't think you would have lasted too long back then, as a human. But what about now?"

"What about now?"

"Well, the horse is here," Jasper said, patting the horse on the back.

"But it's someone else's horse," I said, taking a step away from the horse.

"You're already trespassing. Break the rest of the rules," he said, giving a small half smile.

"But I don't know how!" I cried, taking another step back.

"Alright," Jasper said, "I'll show you," he said, patting the horse firmly on the shoulder, then hoisting himself up onto her back. She whinnied loudly and he whispered softly in her ear, stroking her neck, "Easy girl, easy."

After a few moments of awkward prancing on the horse's part, and patience on Jasper's, the mare finally settled down.

He looked down at me and raised his left eyebrow at me twice. "Ready?"

"Well, go on then, show me," I said, exasperated.

"Uh-uh," he said, shaking his head. He held out his hand and smiled coyly.

"What? You don't actually expect me to get up there with you."

Jasper raised both eyebrows in response.

"You're crazy," I said flatly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Come on Bella. I know you want to. And you won't fall off, I won't let you. And even if you did, which you won't, there's no way you'd get hurt."

I considered it, my resolve weakening.

"Come on Bells," he said.

I sighed and reached out for his arm.

"Atta girl!" he said, reaching down, and grasping me by the elbow and swinging me up onto the horse with him so that I was sitting in front of him, just behind the horse's shoulders.

I balanced myself and looked around me. Why did the ground seem so far away? And why did the horse suddenly lose all of its human qualities, instead taking on the qualities of an angry rhinoceros?

"Don't be scared Bella," Jasper said soothingly. "Alright, you're going to point your heels down, just flex your ankles a little," he said, demonstrating.

I followed his example, pointing my toes upwards.

"Now make sure your legs are right here," he said, reaching around me and pushing my knees inwards. "Don't squeeze too hard, or you'll confuse her, but just squeeze enough to keep your balance."

"What if I lose my balance?"

"Just take some of her mane in your hands, but I'll be right here," he said, scooting closer towards me, his body pressing against my back, and leaning forward and placing his hands on my thighs, holding me firmly in place.

I hastily took a handful of her mane in each hand and braced myself for lightening speed.

Jasper chuckled, and calm slowly trickled down my head, neck, and spine, and through the rest of my body. I was actually relieved to have the help in calming down.

"Ready?"

"Y-yes," I said, unable to steady my voice.

"Alright!" Jasper said. He clicked his tongue and issued a light nudge with his heel and the horse began to move. I tensed again for a moment, squeezing my eyes shut, ready to feel the wind in my face, and possibly witness myself go flying over the horse's head into the dirt.

I opened an eye hesitantly. This was not lightening speed. Bobbing slowly from side to side, we moved lazily across the field. I looked around slightly confused.

"What?" he asked, sounding amused.

"I just, I just thought that…"

"That I'd have you galloping bareback your first time on a horse?"

"Well, yes," I said shyly.

A growl of laughter began to build in Jasper's chest, and he shook slightly.

"Oh shush," I said, elbowing him lightly.

After a few minutes of this we reached the fence, and the horse impatiently stamped her feet.

"Does she want us off?" I asked, poised to jump off at a moment's notice.

"No, she's just antsy. Are you ready for something faster?" he asked.

"Yes?" I asked uncertainly.

Jasper eased the horse around, facing the open pasture and nudged the horse with his calves. The horse broke into a bouncy trot. I felt myself slipping to the side, and tried to scoot back into place. Jasper used his arm to ease me towards the middle again.

"Feel the rocking motion?" he asked, pulling himself forward so that we hugged together tightly. "Use your upper body to maintain your center of gravity, and your hips to sort of act as a shock absorber, let them move with the horse's body," he said, our bodies moving together in a fluid motion with the horse.

I was beginning to comprehend the minute motions, the pattern of movement, and was able to ease into them comfortably. I felt this sense of confidence well up inside me. "Could we go faster, please?" I breathed.

Jasper tensed for a moment then relaxed. "You want to go faster?"

"Please?" I asked in a small voice.

"You've got it," he said, encircling an arm around my waist, and pulling me so that I sitting as straight up as possible. He clucked loudly and gave a firm kick, and the horse broke out into a gallop.

We flew across the pasture, the wind streaming past my face, making my eyes feel tight, and leaving my hair flowing wildly over my shoulder. The sun broke over the horizon with a pink-orange glow. I glanced down and saw Jasper's and my arms sparkling in the light. The air smelled so sweet, of grass, freshly kicked up dirt, oats, horses, and as Jasper leaned forward over my shoulder, his hair brushed past my cheek, his scent filled my lungs. The feeling of utter freedom and elation washed over me, and I couldn't help myself as I found a musical, bell-like sound escaping my lips. I'd laughed aloud for the first time in five years.


	10. Chapter 10: The Hunter

Chapter 10

Jasper laughed, and turned the horse in a new direction and urged the horse forward. We were flying across the field, and though I knew I could just as easily outrun this horse, I had no desire to try. What I had thought was grace in motion, a running vampire, became nothing compared riding bareback on this gorgeous, noble creature. We ran through groups of horses, who scattered as we passed by, looking mildly offended and a bit alarmed at the behavior of their fellow horse. We approached the end of the paddock, and suddenly Jasper's arm clenched around me. I nearly fell off as Jasper tightened his hold on me, and reached forward and pulled firmly on the horse's mane. The horse reared back its head and slowed abruptly. My head flew forward, but I didn't fall. Jasper maintained an ever tightening grip around my waist. The horse was still moving when Jasper moved his leg upwards, sliding my leg over the back the horse. His arms dragged me off the horse, and I found my feet dangling inches above the ground as Jasper straightened himself, holding me up.

Jasper grinned and set me down gently as I felt the absence of my racing heart.

"Did I scare you?"

"You know you did!" I said, glaring at him indignantly.

"Nice trick, huh?"

"Nice," I said sarcastically.

"You still had fun though," he said, flashing a bright smile.

"I did," I said, rolling my eyes. "I actually had an amazing time."

Jasper began to stroll in the direction from which we'd just come. I walked beside him, my eyes following the horse we'd just dismounted.

"You know I haven't ridden in over a hundred years? It's nice to know I can still do it." He paused for a moment and looked down at me with a soft smile. "I'm really glad you had fun Bella."

Our eyes met briefly before I glanced down at my feet and smiled shyly.

"Shall we head back to the car?" he suggested.

"Yeah, sure, assuming it's still there."

"It should be, I turned the engine off before I came after you."

"Oh," I shrugged.

"So where were you going anyway, when you decided to storm off?"

I glared over at him. "I wasn't storming off."

"Bella, you practically stomped your feet as your crossed the road. I'm surprised you didn't crack the pavement."

"Wouldn't be the first time I've done that," I muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "I wasn't going anywhere in particular, just going, you know? Away," I said, gesturing forward with my hand.

"Bella the Nomadic Vampire," he mused.

"Sounds like a Saturday morning cartoon."

"Or an educational film strip from the sixties," Jasper added.

"God you're old, you actually watched those things when they were new," I teased.

"Thanks youngin'," he said, looping an arm around my neck and pulling my head down to his chest.

I ducked out of his arm before he could give me a noogie and laughed again.

We'd nearly reached the end of the pasture when a horse came trotting up to us, looking expectantly from me to Jasper. We stopped walking and I reached up and gave him an appreciative pat.

"I wonder if he's hungry," I said, as the horse buried his nose into my hand with interest.

"Probably," Jasper said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I know the feeling," he said sullenly, staring at the horse intently, his eyes darkening.

My jaw dropped and I slapped him in the arm. "Jasper!" I scolded.

"Jesus, relax Bella, I'm not going to eat the damn horse!" Jasper cried in annoyance, glaring at me.

I gave him an appraising look and then rolled my eyes and started walking faster, leaving him behind. There was a snorting sound, followed by hooting laughter. I spun around, and Jasper had stopped and was bent over, hold his sides as he howled.

I put my hands on my hips and raised my eyebrows.

"You thought I—" Jasper gasped. "You, you thought I was going eat the horse!" he howled.

"So what if I did? I didn't want you to eat the horse!" I said indignantly.

"You should have—" he cried, gulping, "You should have seen your fa—" he said, dissolving into laughter before he could finish his sentence. His laughter seemed to grip him, as it forced him onto his knees.

A wave of hilarity came off of him, and hit me, and I couldn't resist giggling and walked forward. I held out a hand and shook my head. "Come on Jasper, let's get you fed."

Jasper took a few deep breaths and looked up at me, a grin still plastered on his face. He struggled to hold back the laughter as he reached up and took my hand, pulling himself to his feet.

"You're silly," I commented as we took off running in the direction of the car. "So hunting..." I said, hesitating. "I was thinking we might just to a wooded area, and start from there? See if we could find anything worth hunting?" I suggested, looking over at Jasper.

The grin melted away from his face and he grimaced at me. "You're talking about hunting animals?"

"Yes," I said firmly. I was disappointed. I wasn't surprised, but I was definitely disappointed.

Jasper sighed deeply and stared straight ahead. "I suppose there are some coyotes and bobcats towards the woods, maybe near some of the farms, that we might be able to hunt. They tend to pick off the livestock. We could also find deer, though I really detest the idea of hunting any sort of herbivore. What are you in the mood for?"

My jaw tightened, and I spoke the truth, "It doesn't really matter to me," I said, shrugging.

We jumped the last fence and I approached the car. Jasper hesitated only a moment by the car then went around to the passenger side of the car. I slid into the driver's seat, and absentmindedly pulled my seatbelt on.

Jasper smirked at me, but I chose to ignore him, leaning forward and pinching the two wires together beneath the steering column, the engine purring to life.

"So where did you learn how to hotwire an engine?" Jasper asked, amused.

I pulled onto the road and sped along, my eyes searching the horizon for the first sign of a break in pastures and farmland, for woods. "Your wife taught me," I said distractedly.

Jasper sighed. "You've got to stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?"

"Why don't you say Alice's name?"

"I don't know," I said, looking over at Jasper and meeting his concerned expression. "I guess it just hurts to think about Alice…or Edward," I said, their names setting my whole body to aching. I flinched slightly, and focused on driving.

"It hurts me too," Jasper said quietly. "I miss them a lot."

"Me too," I whispered, not looking over, my hands tightening around the steering wheel.

We drove in silence for nearly forty miles until a line of thick pines broke the horizon.

"Looks promising," Jasper said unenthusiastically as he leaned forward, staring out the windshield.

"Yep," I said, as we approached the forest. Trees ran on either side of the road, and I eased onto the shoulder and into the shade.

"Ready?" I asked, putting the car into park, and unbuckling my seatbelt.

"Yeah," he said reluctantly, getting out of the car.

I got out and stood next to Jasper, taking in a few breaths. The forest wasn't nearly as dense as it had appeared. It was only a couple of miles deep. Still, there was certainly viable prey within the trees, though the smell of cattle hung thick in the air. I suspected it was a scent that never really went away in this part of the state.

Jasper took a few deep breaths, a scowl set deeply on his face. I could feel the disgust radiating off of him to the point that the scents began to turn my stomach a bit as well. He glanced at me, and I chewed my bottom lip nervously.

"I'll be right behind you," I said whispered.

He nodded once and took off through the trees. I followed silently, a few strides behind him.

Jasper darted in and out of patches of sunlight, deeper into the woods. I could smell what he was after, though I couldn't necessarily pinpoint exactly what sort of animal it was. It was definitely a carnivore though. Jasper slowed and crouched near a group of trees. I reached up and caught a low hanging branch and soundlessly pulled myself into a tree. I straddled the branch and craned my neck to see what he was hunting.

The smell of blood hit me, a rabbit, freshly killed. Whatever Jasper was hunting had just finished hunting as well.

Jasper sidestepped in his crouch, stalking his prey. That's when I saw it, about thirty yards away. A coyote was tearing apart a rabbit, its back to Jasper. The wind shifted, putting Jasper and I upwind. The coyote, startled, straightened up, and looked around. Suddenly it broke out into a run, and Jasper sprinted after it, chasing it down.

The kill happened relatively quickly, however when Jasper sank his teeth into the coyote's neck, he immediately pulled away, spitting in disgust, sending a spray of blood, which stained his shirt and part of his pants. He grimaced and returned back to his kill. A few minutes later he stood up and looked down at himself, and turned back to me, looking sheepishly. I shrugged, giving him an encouraging smile.

He wrinkled his nose and closed his eyes. His chest rose and fell a few times. His eyes opened, and he ran in another direction. I leapt down and followed. I was careful to stay far enough behind Jasper that he wouldn't perceive me as a threat to his kill. Even though he was clearly aware of my presence, hunting in groups, even for mature vampires took strict concentration, discipline, and practice, in order to keep from attacking members of the hunting party.

I saw Jasper take down a second coyote before it even was aware of Jasper's presence. I perched on a fallen tree, watching Jasper who, more carefully this time, slowly drained the body of its blood. He was half finished when he abruptly stood up, dropping the coyote's body. Blood trickled down Jasper's chin, as he turned and stared off towards the edge of the woods, his eyes glazed over.

I looked at him, and then looked in the direction in which he was staring. My brow furrowed, and I walked towards him to get a better view of whatever had caught his attention. Then the scent drifted past me. Human.

Then he was gone, tearing through the woods towards the scent.

"Jasper!" I cried warningly as I took off after him.

He had a head start on me, and I could see him as he ran through the thinning trees. The smell of cattle grew stronger, and I could hear a tractor engine running not too far off.

"Jasper!" I called again. "Stop this!"

Jasper began to run faster. I growled and without any effort caught up to him. I clapped my hands on Jasper's shoulders and yanked him to the ground, tripping over him in the process. Jasper roared in protest and glared over at me, his eyes black. I was grateful that he was still aware enough to not pick a fight with me. All the same, I slid my legs out of his immediate grasp.

I sat up and brushed myself off. My pants had a nasty rip in the left knee that went halfway up my thigh, and the bottom three buttons on my shirt had been popped off. I hastily tucked my shirt to keep my stomach from showing.

"Still feel like hunting?" I asked.

"Yes," Jasper sighed, standing up, and reaching out for my hand. I took it and stood up.

The tractor rumbled off in the distance. We were just on the outskirts of the woods, and I could easily see a man sitting on the back of a tractor, which trundled along, downhill, towards a farm house. While the scent of human was certainly strong, I found the smell of diesel and grease far more appealing. It reminded me of my old red truck.

A cow uttered a loud "MOO!" from directly behind us, making me jump. I turned around and had a mildly offended look on my face. The cow wandered idly past us with a vacant expression on its face. When I'd turned back, Jasper had taken off after the human again.

"Jasper, come on, you don't want to do this!" I cried, catching up to him almost immediately. I looped my arms beneath his armpits and around his shoulders, clasping my hands behind his neck, and pulled him to a halt, pinning his arms tightly.

Jasper snarled and struggled against me, attempting to throw me over his shoulders.

"Oh, I have had just about enough of this," I said dryly, and lifted him off his feet, maintaining the hold.

"Bella, put me down!" he cried, kicking his feet.

"No Jasper, you're not chasing after humans anymore," I said, carrying him towards a group of cows that were enjoying the shade in the trees.

"Bella, I'm fine! Really, you can put me down," Jasper whined, struggling against me. "I'll hunt something else!"

"No need, I've done the hunting for you," I said, releasing Jasper, who fell to his knees. He looked up bewildered at the cows and then back up at me.

"You can't be serious!" he gasped.

"Jasper, either you find something in the woods, or steak is on the menu—but Farmer Bob is not making an appearance on it today, nor will he ever, if I have anything to do it with it."

A cow mooed loudly, a fetid smell of partially chewed grain and grass wafted over both of us. Jasper looked positively affronted and even I couldn't hide my disgust.

"I'll find something in the woods," he said sullenly, standing up and backing away from the cows, eyeing them warily.

We walked side by side through the woods, though Jasper watched me suspiciously out of the corner of one eye. He was probably worried I'd put him in a half-nelson again. He managed to find another coyote, and stomached a deer before he'd finally had his fill. He turned to find me lounging on a tree branch, one leg hanging down. It was my bookshelf pose. I missed the feeling of being up high, relaxed, a foot dangling down. Still, this came close to filling that deep need I'd been feeling for the past couple days, since I'd left home.

I was still very much aware of Jasper, carefully regarding him, making sure he didn't take off after a human again, but my mind was elsewhere at the same time. I was dreaming, my own form of dreaming anyway. I was recalling my first hunt. Edward had taken all the precautions, checking out the area for wayward humans. He'd brought along Emmett, Alice, and Jasper; Emmett, because his strength enabled him to reign me in, by force if necessary, Alice, because she wouldn't stay home, even if Edward had asked, and Jasper because he would be able to calm me if I got too out of hand. Edward of course had the upper hand in speed, and was capable of chasing me down if I got away from them. He was the only one capable of running faster than me. But I hadn't needed any of it. It was as if I'd been meant to take to this life. I could still see Edward's pleased, if but a little surprised expression as I gave into my instinct, and chased down a mountain lion with little to no coaching. It was only when I became consumed by the hunt, seemingly turning into a bottomless pit, hunting down deer, after deer, after deer, chasing down nearly a dozen deer in total, that Jasper stepped in and soothed my bloodlust. I'd felt rather ill after that experience, but it was because of the vast quantity of blood I'd consumed that Carlisle had accounted my rapid change in eye color. It had only taken a few weeks for my eyes to change to honey gold. I'd always worried that Edward would somehow not see me the same way once I was changed. And in a way, I was right. I stopped being breakable to him, but I continued to be precious, something he protected in almost a jealous manner. But one of my larger fears had been that he would miss my brown human eyes too much, that somehow he would be less in love with me because of their absence. Despite my red irises, the night after my first hunt, Edward took my face in his hands and stared deeply into my eyes, and whispered, "You are still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

There was a gentle tug on my leg, and I looked down to see Jasper smiling up at me expectantly.

"You there?" he asked, the smile widening.

"I'm here," I said, sighing, and hopping down out of the tree.

"What were you thinking about? You feel…" his eyes searched mine for a moment, "warm and sad," he said slowly.

"I was just thinking about some stuff," I said, trying to duck the question. "Did you get your fill?" I asked, walking in the direction of the car.

"Yeah, I think I'm good. Now what about you?" he asked tentatively.

"What about me?"

"Well, aren't you going to hunt?" Jasper asked, walking past me. "I think I left a few animals for you in the woods, unless you prefer cow, then we could head for the pasture," he said grinning as he turned around and faced me.

"No, I'm good. I hunted three days ago."

"Still, you're going to turn down a meal?"

"Yep," I said, avoiding his eyes that were now searching my emotions.

"You're anxious."

I sighed and began to walk faster, pushing past him.

"How recently did you pick up the habit of ducking questions?" he asked.

"I told you I ate three days ago, with Emmett."

"Yeah, but you got anxious when I asked you what you were thinking about."

"Maybe I'm just not used to having people wonder what I'm thinking about."

"I doubt that's the case. I bet no one asked you though."

I sniffed, and looked up at Jasper who was staring down at me intently. "You're probably right about that."

"So what were you thinking about?"

"I was just thinking about my first hunt," I admitted.

"That was an interesting day," Jasper said thoughtfully. "I remember watching you, waiting for you to just lose it, to go after someone."

"But I never did."

"I know, and it drove me crazy."

"Why?" I asked in surprise.

"Well, because I'd seen so many other newborns, including myself go through what I thought was the normal routine: Wake up from the burning, and go and massacre a group of humans. When you didn't do that, when the hardest thing for you to do was to stop consuming animal blood, it threw me for a loop. I felt like everything I'd understood to be the gospel for vampires was potentially just a self fulfilling prophecy instead. It made me feel really bad for things I did as a newborn."

I stopped and turned to Jasper, who slowed and turned to face me, his eyes troubled. "What did you do when you were a newborn?" I asked.

"I've never told anyone about, except Alice, and because he couldn't help but know, Edward."

"Oh," I said, biting my bottom lip. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's okay. In the past few days you've seen me nearly as bad as I've ever been, you might as well know the rest," he said, shuffling his feet. He exhaled sharply, and turned and walked a few feet away from me, running a hand through his hair.

I leaned back against a tree as he began to tell his story.

"After Maria changed me, I was of course parched, starving, the bloodlust doubled by Maria's own desires. And I wasn't told that I needed to hold back, instead I was told there were houses filled with people who could quell my thirst, and that all I needed to do was give over to my instinct. And for me, my instinct didn't tell me to stop until I'd killed every person living on this particular farm, the family, the farmhands, and even the soldiers who were being boarded in the barn, possibly the very same soldiers I'd held command over in days previous." Jasper turned and stared at me, his eyes blazing. His red eyes were now slightly muddied from his animal blood consumption. "And for me, that was only the beginning, because I love the taste, the scent of human blood," he said, walking towards me. "The gentle popping of the skin as I sunk my teeth into a human's neck is one of the most sensual sounds I've ever heard. The whispers of confusion, the gasping breaths and the look in their eyes as they realize that everything they thought was a fairytale is true, and it's happening to them," he purred, putting a hand on the tree over my head and leaning down so that we were eye to eye, "It's all a part of the experience. And the blood, so sweet and salty at the same time, running hot down my throat, with every panicked heartbeat pumping it faster and faster, before the heart stops beating altogether," he said his face only inches from mine. "I swear," he whispered, his lips now next to my ear, "Human blood is my endorphin, and one of the biggest turn-on's I have ever experienced."

He exhaled, his cool breath tickling my ear and neck, and I shivered beneath him. In that moment I suddenly understood the desire, the need to consume human blood, and not only did I understand it, but I craved it. I felt my eyes darken, as I could suddenly remember the smell of that farmer on the tractor. I could picture how easy it would be to take him down, no, he didn't stand a chance against my strength or speed. My breathing deepened, and I leaned my head back, my rapid intakes of breath searching out for even a whisper of that scent. I wanted to experience the human's heart pump its life force into me, I wanted to see the life slip away from his eyes as I drained it from him. I took another deep gasping breath and looked back into Jasper's eyes. They'd become black as he stared into mine, a smirk painted across his face. He wanted this too.


	11. Chapter 11: Déjà Vu

Chapter 11

Jasper leaned back and inhaled deeply, then leaned down again and stared into my eyes and growled. My eyes flashed as I stared up at him, and I snarled back in anticipation.

The snarl was so animalistic, so unlike any other noise I usually made. And it was this noise that caused me to suddenly come crashing back down to earth.

I gasped. "Jasper!" I exclaimed, giving him a hard shove.

Jasper stumbled backwards and caught himself with his hands before he hit the ground. He bent over, his hands on his knees, closing his eyes, and shook his head back and forth for a moment, then looked up again, the black retreating in his eyes.

"Bella, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that! You started leeching off desire from me and that only intensified what I was already fighting, and it just made me go crazy, and I didn't mean to effect you!" he said quickly.

I took a few deep breaths, blinking hard, and finally gave a sigh of relief. "It's okay, you're fine, I'm fine. You couldn't help it." If I'd had a beating heart, it would have been racing. The feeling of total loss of control had really shaken me.

"Don't be scared, I won't do that again," Jasper said in a soothing voice.

"It's okay," I repeated. I let out a final deep breath and looked up at Jasper who was staring at me apologetically. "Let's go back to the car."

"Okay."

We ran in silence back to the car. We were nearly there when both smelled the presence of a human. Whoever it was they were very close. I heard an engine running, and it was coming from the direction of the road. We both slowed to a normal pace, and Jasper reached out and took my hand. I was confused until I realized that Jasper was fighting his instincts again. We emerged from the trees to see a man peering into the driver's side window.

"Hello," Jasper said in a hard voice.

The man looked up in surprised, having not heard us approach. He was tall, almost as tall as Jasper, and had broad shoulders, and thick arms. He looked like he was in his mid-fifties, and like he hadn't showered in days. He smelled like it too. He had a few missing teeth in the front, which could be seen when he gave us a smile. It wasn't a pleasant smile, rather it was cold and sly.

"This yer car?" he asked.

"Yes, it's ours," Jasper said, squeezing my hand tighter and pulling me closer.

"Nice," the man remarked.

"We like it."

"You got a busted window though."

"Someone broke into it not too long ago. We haven't bothered getting it fixed yet."

The man eyed us suspiciously, but continued to give us the same sour smile. He looked me over from head to toe, then at Jasper.

"You been in a fight?"

"Pardon?" Jasper asked in surprise.

"Yer covered in blood. You been in a fight?" he asked again.

"Yeah, I was, but as you can see, I came out the winner," Jasper boasted, cautiously.

"Not a scratch on you. Was it over yer girlfriend?" he asked, his eyes wandering hungrily over me.

I shifted closer to Jasper and put my other hand on his forearm, giving it a nervous squeeze.

"Yes, some guy got fresh with her in a bar. I had to teach him a lesson," Jasper said, pulling himself into his full height.

"Good man, always defend yer lady's honor," he said, his eyes returning to Jasper's face. He squinted at Jasper, I realized he was possibly seeing the red in Jasper's eyes. "So what were you two doing in the woods?" he asked suggestively.

"We decided to go for a hike, it looked pretty," I said nervously.

"Oh yeah, these parts are beautiful," he said, his eyes meeting mine.

Jasper looked down at me and watched my face.

"But you ought to stay off private property. Yer liable to be mistaken for cow rustlers," he said, giving another sour smile.

"I doubt anyone in their right mind would try to rustle cows at 10:30 in the morning," Jasper said incredulously, looking back at the man.

"All the same," the man said, pausing to spit dangerously close to the back bumper, "I'd recommend you stay off my property if you know what's good for you," he replied, his smile vanishing, and eyes darkening.

I felt Jasper make the slightest flinch towards the man, one so small, I'm sure it was missed by the man. "We'll keep that in mind," Jasper said finally. "We're leaving anyway," he said, reaching through the broken window and unlocking the passenger door and holding it open for me.

I didn't even hesitate, and slid in, and I leaned over and unlocked the driver's side door.

"Enjoy your day," the man said, staring through the back window at me.

"You do the same," Jasper replied, opening the door and getting in.

He fumbled momentarily with the wires before he pulled the correct ones together, the car coming to life.

Jasper hit the gas and peeled out. As we drove away the man continued to stare after us.

I shivered and looked over at Jasper, who was gripping the steering wheel incredibly hard.

"Jasper, you're going to break the steering wheel if you don't ease up."

"Bella, talk to me about something completely unrelated to what just happened."

"What?"

"Bella, I just fought off the desire to kill him, not for his blood, but for the aggression he held towards us, and the vile feelings he held towards you."

"Wow," I chuckled in relief.

"You're amused? That guy back there wanted to shoot both of us, and maybe rape you before, or possibly after he'd shot you, and you're amused?" Jasper cried.

"It's just that it's a bit of déjà vu, Edward asked me to do the same thing one time, under very similar circumstances."

"I don't think I've heard this story."

"He never told you about the night in Port Angeles?"

"No, never," he said, as his body began to visibly relax.

"Well it was just after he'd gotten back from Denali. And Jessica Stanley and Angela Webber needed new dresses for the dance, and I tagged along with them on their shopping trip to Port Angeles. We'd split up at one point, and I went looking for a bookshop. You know my sense of direction," Jasper snorted, which I quickly disregarded, "and I managed to get turned around, and in the process, attract the attention of several men who apparently had 'vile' thoughts on their minds. Fortunately for me, Edward had been stalking me that day, and drove in as my knight in a shining Volvo, and saved the day," I chuckled at the memory. At the time I was so baffled by his behavior, not to mention the least bit alarmed at the sudden appearance of someone whom by all accounts had not exactly proven himself overly friendly. Now, looking back, it was one of my favorite memories of Edward. "Of course Edward was so scandalized by the vicious would be attackers' thoughts that he could hardly think of anything beyond turning the car around and going back and killing them all," I laughed, and cocked my head to the side thoughtfully. "In retrospect it was actually pretty cute, but at the time I was pretty freaked out."

"Are you saying I'm cute then?" Jasper asked with a sly grin.

"No, not at all, you're too ferocious to be cute," I giggled.

Jasper let out a playful snarl, and reached over and poked me in the side.

I pretended to cower in my seat and pulled my legs up to my chest. As I did so, the rip in my jeans lengthened. I gasped and put my hands over the tear that now ran from my knee up to where my pocket was sewn into the waistband. My cheeks ached with the familiar echo of where my blush would have been.

Jasper looked over and sucked his teeth. "Yeah, sorry about your pants," he said, wrinkling his nose in embarrassment. "Oh, and um, your shirt too," he said, looking away quickly.

I glanced down and realized my shirt had become untucked, baring my stomach. I hastily tucked it back in, and stared ahead, mortified. "Sorry."

"Don't be, we just need to get you some new clothes."

"You too," I said, raising an eyebrow and glancing over at his bloodstained clothing.

Jasper looked down and frowned. "Yeah, we'll stop somewhere in the next town and pick up some clothes."

"Are you going to be up for something like that? You'll have to be around people," I asked cautiously.

"I can just stay in the car, windows up, air recirculating," Jasper suggested.

"That could work, and I can just pick out clothes for you."

"It wouldn't be the first time a woman picked out clothing for me," he said, a small smile playing across his lips.

I smiled back as my mind returned to the house in Forks, to the bedroom Alice and Jasper had shared, and their gigantic closet. Well, more like Alice's gigantic closet. Jasper's part of the closet was pretty small, limited to a rack of clothing. Thinking back I could still recall the near overwhelming scent of all the fabrics.

Jasper stared at me quizzically.

"You know they never changed your room. It's still the same," I said, answering his unasked question. "It's like nothing ever happened," I commented quietly.

Jasper's expression softened. "Alice would not approve of outdated fashion being in her closet," he chuckled. "So our room has become a tomb?"

"Not entirely. Esme dusts it every week. Rosalie doesn't think anyone notices, but she'll go in and borrow the same scarf every now and then. I think it reminds her of…" I faltered, "of Alice."

Jasper's eyes darted to me for the moment that my voice caught, but continued to watch the road. "What about your room?"

"It's only changed slightly. I didn't want it to change much. I guess part of me thought that if I kept it the same, that maybe Ed…Edward would walk through the door one day, like it was all a bad dream or something," I said, looking down.

Jasper reached over and rubbed my hand soothingly. "So how did it change?"

I glanced down at our hands, but continued to speak. "Well there are several dozen stacks of books piled around the room now."

Jasper raised his eyebrows in a question.

"Rose's effort to try and distract me," I answered.

"Did it work?" he asked, amused.

"Not really," I said with a small laugh.

"Rosalie, for all her faults and shallowness really does have a good heart," Jasper said thoughtfully.

We were silent for a few minutes as we sped down a back country road.

"So we have an interesting dilemma," Jasper said, leaning forward and looking up at the sunny sky. "We'll need gas in the next hundred miles or so, we both need clothes, and it's a nice day. We should probably pull off somewhere and wait until it gets dark, which will probably be at around five, maybe a bit later."

"It's odd not having someone around to tell us what the weather will be and when the sun will set."

"I guess we'll just have to rely on humans for that information," Jasper said, flicking on the radio. He scanned the stations and finally settled on a country station.

I stared at him for a moment in dismay. I had never given much thought to what sort of music Jasper would prefer, but if I had, I don't think I would have ever pegged him for a country music fan. For me personally, country was not exactly my favorite genre of music.

Jasper glanced over at me and snorted. "Bella, you look offended. Are you not a country fan?"

"Well, I um, it's just that..." I stammered. "No, actually, no I am not a fan," I finally said.

"Too bad, I'm driving."

"We can change that," I said with a wicked grin.

"Sorry, I'm the one who knows where we're headed," Jasper said with a mocking smile.

"And where exactly are we headed?"

"A town within the next hundred miles," he replied.

"That's not very specific," I retorted.

"You want specific? How's…" Jasper craned his neck forward. "How's Sugar Land?"

A highway sign listing upcoming towns and their distance from us came into sight. "That is such bull—"

"Are you contesting that Sugar Land is not within the next hundred miles?"

"No, but—"

"And did you notice that I'm going ninety five miles per hour?"

"Yes, but—"

"So really it should take a little more than an hour to get a place where we'll have to pull over. Then you'll be able to get out of the car, and away from the dreaded country music."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times. I knew I'd been beaten, so in a huff I turned and stared out the window, and began to count fence posts.


	12. Chapter 12: Sugar Land

Chapter 12

I was up to 947 when a sign came up on the right. It read "Brazos River Fishing/Boating Recreation Area."

"This looks like a good place," Jasper said, turning off.

"You don't think people will be around?"

"It's one in the afternoon on a Tuesday. No one is going to be fishing at this point," Jasper explained.

I nodded as we pulled up to an empty parking lot.

Jasper parked in the middle of two parking spots, and cut the engine. He raised his eyebrows, then leaned his seat back and closed his eyes.

I stared at him for a moment, and then looked around. There were picnic tables, a boat ramp, and a dock that went out over the water. I felt the nagging feeling to be alone again. The interactions with Jasper were certainly enjoyable, a nice change of pace even, but I missed my solitude.

Without a word, I got out of the car. The afternoon sun reflected blindingly and beautifully off my skin as I walked along the picnic tables out to the dock. Scanning the river, there were no people to be seen, on the water or on the coastline. I stared into water. Little fish darted back and forth in mossy green water. Looking further out I could see what fishermen must be after. A few ominously large fish lazily swam in the center of the river with the current. My mind drifted to a hunting trip in Canada. Carlisle and Esme were celebrating their anniversary, and in an effort to give them some privacy, all of the "kids" had chosen to go on a hunting trip together in the British Columbian wilderness, near the Campbell River. It was a rare occasion to have all of us there, and it wasn't without its drawbacks. Ideally a hunting party was much smaller. Plus Rosalie had spent much of the time complaining about anything that bothered her at the moment—something had stained her boots, there were too many herbivores and not enough carnivores, the water crossings were to frequent, etc. At one point I'd challenged everyone to a race just to have the excuse to run away from her. Edward had been the one to win, but it hadn't been by much.

Emmett had a taste for bear, so we'd proceeded along the river to find bears that might be fishing for salmon. It was still up for debate as to who started it first, though I suspected it was in fact Emmett, but the boys decided to try their hand at fishing like a bear. Leaning out over the river on a rock, they stood frozen, waiting for fish to swim past them. Edward had caught his fish first, darting his hand into the water and pulling out a large fish. Jasper and Emmett followed quickly with fish of their own. There was a dispute over whose fish was bigger, which led to the contest to see who could catch the largest fish. We girls had lost interest very quickly, though Alice appeared to be the most amused by the contest. The three of us climbed a tree to observe the display of masculinity. Occasionally one of the boys, with great pride, would hold a fish up to his wife, and she would say something placating to her husband, "Very nice, honey," and they would continue to fish away. In the frenzy of catching fish after fish, someone, who exactly it was also still up for debate, shifted their weight on the rock. The rock unhinged itself from the shore and crashed into the river. No amount of speed, grace, poise, or strength could save them from tumbling head first into the river. I looked over at Alice who was now holding her sides as she cackled with laughter. Soon the whole tree was swaying under the weight of three girls, all of whom were in hysterics. The boys hauled themselves up onto the riverbank, each sputtering and looking furious. Edward in particular looked positively appalled, like a sopping wet cat. An argument erupted as to whose fault it was, a fight broke out, and at one point or another, each of them landed back in the river, having been thrown in by one or both of their brothers. It wasn't until Alice called down from the tree, "Emmett, you're going to miss your bear if you don't stop fighting," that the brawl finally ended, and Emmett took off through the trees in search of a grizzly that was trundling through the bushes, away from the noisy people at the riverbank.

The sun felt warm on my skin as I lay on the dock, with my eyes closed. The sound of the car door opening, then closing had caught my attention. I knew it was just Jasper, no one else had so much as walked nearby, let alone driven up. I stared up at the sky. It was a blue-ish purple, and the clouds had receded to the horizon. The sun would be setting soon. I sat up and blinked a few times and turned around.

Jasper leaned against the hood of the car, his hands shoved in his pockets. He stared ahead at the river. A gust of wind blew past me, carrying with it Jasper's scent. Honey, apples, rain, oak, and hint of pine… it felt warm and familiar. Jasper's gaze moved down to my face and he smiled.

I stood up and tucked my shirt in again, even though it gapped terribly still.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yes, I think we should probably head into town. Would you like to drive?"

I hesitated then sighed. "You can drive if you promise to listen to something besides country."

"I think I can handle that," he said, shrugging.

I climbed into the passenger seat while Jasper started the car. Country music came on as the engine started and he immediately started scanning for a new station, and came to a stop on a classical station. Chopin was playing.

I immediately felt relaxed, and settled into my seat as we drove along. The sun was nearly at the horizon when arrived at Sugar Land city limits. The lights of Houston were just beginning to reflect onto the clouds in the north-east as we came to the first intersection over the county lines.

There were a number of stores lining the main road. Some were already closed. At the corner there stood a store with windows displaying two mannequins in casual clothing, apparently engaged in a lively game of badminton.

"How about there?" I suggested.

"Looks good, but you better do some speed shopping. It looks like they close in fifteen minutes," he said as he parked in front of the store. He looked over nervously at me. "What are you going to do about money?" he asked, putting his hand in his back pocket.

"I've got that covered," I said, leaning behind the seat and pulling my bag from the backseat. I flipped open the top and showed the stacks of cash I'd pulled from the top drawer back at home.

Jasper's eyes widened for a moment, and then looked up at me. "Were you planning this?"

"No, but experience with this family has taught me to be prepared for anything. So um, what size should I get for you?"

Jasper rattled off a list of sizes, and I ran over them in my head to remember them.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked him, staring at him quizzically.

"I think so. I promise I won't do anything I shouldn't," Jasper said in a slow, steady voice.

I nodded and got out of the car into the twilight of the evening. I watched him as I walked in front of the car, and turning back, met his eyes as I reached the door. He waved me on and I went inside.

There was a bored looking man behind the counter. He was staring down at a magazine in his hand and immediately plastered a fake smile on his face as soon as the bell over the door tinkled. His fake smile dissolved into a dazed look when he got a good look at me, and he came out from behind the counter. "Welcome to Seville's. May I help you find anything?"

I attempted my best dazzling smile and said in a musical voice, "Actually yes. I know you close soon, but I promise to be quick as possible."

The man's face softened and he looked a bit lost for a moment. "Oh no, don't worry about us closing. Take as long as you like. What can I get for you? Maybe some new pants?" he said, looking down my leg at my torn jeans.

"Actually, yes, that would be a good start, but I can grab everything for me," I said quickly, putting a hand over my exposed skin. "What I really need help with are some jeans for my friend. He needs… oh what was it? He needs 32 jeans."

The man looked a little disappointed for a moment. "Well I can grab whatever he'll need while you pick out things for yourself. Would he like light, medium, or dark wash jeans?"

"I don't really know, um, how about two of each?"

The man's face brightened as he walked over to a rack of jeans and began to pull pairs out.

I sighed and walked over to a rack that had women sizes. I pulled several pairs of jeans out and slung them over my arm. I walked over to the shirts and found stacks of long sleeved t-shirts and button up shirts. I pulled several in different colors.

"Are we working on a budget?" the man called from the men's side of the store.

"Let's keep it under $700."

The man smiled broadly at me. "And shirts, what about shirts?"

"He's a medium," I replied. "Casual though," I added.

"Got it," he replied, stacking up more clothes on the counter.

I headed to the back of the store and grabbed a bag of socks for both Jasper and I. I hastily grabbed a plastic bag of underwear for myself and hid it beneath my stack of clothes. Then I was faced with a puzzle. Surely I needed to grab underwear for him as well, but the real question was what? I felt the muscles in my cheeks twitch in the absence of blush as I looked at several shelves filled with men's underwear. Boxers, brief, boxer briefs… My eyes scanned the shelves. I tried to envision the particular benefits to each, until I realized I was envisioning Jasper in his underwear, which made me massively embarrassed and uncomfortable. Finally I gave up and grabbed a bag of each.

A large black duffle bag caught my eye in the sporting goods section and I grabbed it and carried everything up to the counter. The man met me at the counter, and appeared to be shocked to see the armful I was carrying. "Wow, that's a lot to carry," he commented.

"I workout, frequently," I said quickly, smiling sweetly.

"Wow, y-yeah, I guess you have to," he stuttered. "Um, well, let me ask you, since we're working on such a large budget. What size shoes do you wear?"

"I wear a seven," I said cautiously.

"And him?"

"He said he's a thirteen."

"Well how about some tennis shoes then?"

"Actually," I said, brightening as an idea occurred to me, "Actually, how about cowboy boots for him?"

"We've got plenty of those," he said, walking out from behind the counter and eagerly pointing out the shoe section. "Just pick out your favorite pair."

I saw a pair that looked dark grey with flecks of white. "I like those," I said.

"Snakeskin, very nice," he commented. "And what about for you, which boots would you like?"

"Oh, um, I like those Puma's," I said, pointing to a pair of grey and blue sneakers. "Boots tend to squeeze my toes," I said, wrinkling my nose.

"Of course, I'll grab those and get everything scanned and bagged for you," he called from the doorway of a stockroom.

"Sure, that's fine," I said, absently. I glanced across the store and saw a few items of warm clothing, light jackets that might come in handy, at least for playing into the charade of being cold in the winter. The man had grabbed a zip-up vest for Jasper, and it occurred to me that I should probably grab one for myself as well.

I walked over and grabbed a vest and a couple jackets, one for Jasper, and one for myself.

When I returned to the counter, he was already starting to scan items.

"Don't bother bagging it those," I said, gesturing towards the plastic bags. "I'm just going to stick them in the duffle bag."

"Oh I can do that," the man said quickly, taking the items he'd already folded and sticking them in the duffle bag.

"Thank you," I said, smiling. I turned away and walked back towards the door and stared at Jasper. He was staring through the window looking down the street. He looked up and gave me a shy smile and a thumbs up. I smiled back and watched him for a moment. He was relaxed. He didn't look the least bit tense at all. It could have been that there weren't any humans on the street.

Jasper made a face at me, crossing his eyes and curling his tongue.

I giggled and shook my head and walked back to the counter. Everything had been bagged up, surprisingly it'd all fit.

"That'll be $687.63. Is there anything else you need tonight?" he asked.

"No, I think that's quite enough," I said with a chuckle.

I reached into my messenger bag and pulled several twenties from a stack and counted them out on the counter and handed them to the man.

His eyes widened a bit at the amount of cash. No doubt this had been his biggest sale of the day, and his normal clientele certainly didn't pay in cash for a transaction this large. He gave me back my change with shaking hands.

I shoved the change into my bag, and noticed the two velvet pouches I'd also dropped into my bag before I'd left Forks. It distracted me for a moment before I heard the man clear his voice.

"Would you like me to carry this for you?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh no, I'm good. I workout, remember?" I said, taking the bag with little effort. "Thank you for all your help," I called over my shoulder to the man who stood there looking a little dumbfounded.

I walked out the door to meet Jasper, who'd gotten out of the car. I panicked for only a moment, but realized from his posture that he was fine.

"May I get that for you ma'am?" he asked, holding out his hand.

I smiled and nodded, holding out the bag to him.

"Oof!" he moaned, feigning difficulty. "Good Lord, you bought a duffle bag worth of stuff?"

"Well I didn't know how long we'd be out on the road, or when we'd have the chance to get clothes again. And who knows, you might end up tearing more of my clothes up by the end of the night!" I said. I immediately regretted the last statement, seeing the innuendo in it, and my hand flew to my mouth.

Jasper gave me a smug grin and shook his head.

"You left the door wide open, but I'm not going to say anything. I hope you recognize that."

I groaned as I walked over to the passenger side and got in.

Jasper climbed in behind the wheel and backed the car out of its spot.

I looked up at the window and saw the man from Seville's peering out the store window curiously. I waved at him and grinned before Jasper gunned the engine and sped off.

"So did you figure out where else we're going while I was in the store?"

"Actually I think I did," he said, brightening. "I was thinking we could head east, northeast, and maybe drive to upstate New York. See Niagara Falls, and then maybe hop a plane to somewhere from there?"

"Hop a plane to where?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

"Haven't thought that far ahead, maybe Europe? I just thought it would be good to get you out of the country. You haven't been anywhere besides your h-honeymoon," he said, stumbling over the last word. He looked nervously over at me.

The left side of my mouth perked up in a half smile, my own version of a crooked smile as Edward used to refer to it. "I think that sounds nice."

"I figure if we have eternity, and apparently a load of cash, we ought to spend both wisely."

Jasper pulled the car into a gas station and cut the engine.

"I'll get it," I said, hopping out and shutting the door behind me.

"We should probably change here in the bathroom," Jasper said warily, watching me through the window.

"I'm not changing clothes in a gas station bathroom," I said indignantly, making a face. "I'll change on the side of the road before I change in a gas station bathroom."

Jasper laughed, and shook his head as he popped the fuel door.

I put the pump into the tank and set it to automatically fill up. I leaned across the trunk and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. I could feel the tension building, still there from earlier. It was so much at once. I had been in sensory deprivation mode for years, only to have my whole way of life changed in a matter of hours. But then again, that was how it was for everyone. In an instant, things could change, forever in some cases. The random musing brought little comfort to me. In fact it only deepened my stress.

The car door opened and I spun around.

Jasper raised a hand cautiously as he stepped out of the car, "I was only getting out to see if you're okay. You're radiating anxiety. What's wrong?" he asked, his face creased in concern as he walked towards me.

I leaned back against the trunk and stared off into the dark sky before deciding what to tell him. "This is just a lot to take in," I said, looking back at him and meeting his gaze.

"Do you want to go back home?" he asked, looking disappointed.

"No, no, not at all, I just, I haven't had a lot of exposure over the past few years," I said carefully, "And it's just a lot in a short amount of time."

Jasper reached out to me, but hesitated. "May I?" he asked.

I stared at him for a moment and comprehended what he was asking. "Yeah, that would be really nice," I said.

Jasper smiled and pulled me into a hug. A wave of calm washed over me, chasing away every trace of tension in my body. I felt myself instantly relax in his embrace, even though I knew it was only because he was manipulating my emotions. After a minute or so, the pump clinked to a stop. Jasper let go and backed away slowly, staring into my eyes.

"Thank you for trusting me," he said quietly.

I gave a small smile, and my cheeks muscles ached slightly.

"I'll go pay," I said in a hushed voice, as he turned his attention to the pump and gas cap.

I walked into the gas station and strolled up to the counter. "I was on pump twelve," I said to the old woman standing behind the counter.

I looked over and saw books of maps stacked next to a rack of magazines. I grabbed one and handed it across the counter. "This too please," I said politely.

She looked me over with a disapproving glare. "That'll be $39.26," she said. I realized at this moment that I'd left my bag in the car.

"You forgot this," a voice said from behind me.

My jaw dropped as I turned around. I hadn't even heard him come through the door. Jasper had changed out of his bloodied clothes, apparently in the car. He was wearing a pair of the dark jeans, a charcoal grey long sleeved t-shirt, and his new boots. He smirked at me as he held out my bag to me by the tip of his forefinger.

"Thanks," I said in a shocked tone, taking it from him and turning back to the lady at the counter. I fished into the bag and pulled out the money I needed and handed it to the lady.

She didn't take it immediately, but rather stared over my shoulder with a slight starry-eyed look.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Jasper was smiling pleasantly at the lady. I could see the tension in his neck, and in the rest of his posture.

I looked back at the woman, who continued to stare. "Um…" I said, holding the money out further.

"Oh, yes, $39.26," she repeated, holding out her hand.

I paid her, and took the change, slipping it back into my bag.

Jasper reached out and took my arm and squeezed it tight as we walked out the door.

When we reached the car, I turned and grinned at him. "Jasper, I'm so proud of you!" I said, feeling a welling of pride within me. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him.

Jasper looked down at me and smiled. I got the distinct impression that he was feeling bashful as I pulled away from him. He stared down at his feet for a moment then suddenly looked up at me with a look of astonishment. "You picked out boots for me?"

"Yeah, yeah I did. I hope that's okay," I said timidly.

"I love them, they're great!" he said, his face lighting up with a grin.

I slid into the passenger seat, while Jasper darted around to the driver's side and behind the wheel.

"But briefs?" he added, turning to me, wrinkling his nose.

"Oh come on, I didn't know what you wanted!" I cried, embarrassed.

"Exactly how long did you ponder my choice in underwear?" he asked, a wicked, mocking grin playing across his face, as he pulled onto a road heading out of town, away from the lights of Sugar Land and Houston.

"Long enough for me to decide I didn't know anything about the subject and grabbed all three available styles."

"So do you want to know which one I ended up choosing?"

"No! I don't want to envision that anymore than I already did tonight!" I cried. "Wait—"

"And there's another door left wide open by Bella Cullen, and I don't even need to walk through it, I think I'll just let it sit open, and have some air, because there's nothing I can add to that statement to make it any more filled with innuendo! You envisioned me in my underwear? How long did you stay on each style? Was there one that you particularly enjoyed?" Jasper laughed smugly.

"I—you—I'm… I had to try and decide what to get, naturally one would envision someone in the item prior to purchasing it."

"I wouldn't. If I went in there and bought you underwear, I'd be too much of a gentleman to even begin picturing you in them," Jasper said, bowing his head slightly, "and I have a very vivid imagination," he added.

"On what sort occasion would you have to buy me underwear?" I exclaimed.

"On the same sort occasion you did!" he retorted.

"You're ridiculous," I said, surrendering.

"I'm ridiculous, and so are you. That's why we get along," he concluded, chuckling.

The car coasted to the side of the road along a line of trees.

"Why are we stopping?" I asked.

"So you can change."

"On the side of the road?" I asked incredulously.

"I thought that was your preference to a gas station bathroom?" Jasper asked, leaning back in the seat. "It's dark enough, and there aren't any houses for a few miles. You should be fine."

I bit my lip, and then pulled the duffle bag to the front. I pulled out a pair of jeans, and a pale blue long sleeved t-shirt. I got out of the car and shut the door behind me.

"I'll try not to envision you while you're changing," Jasper called.

I gave him a sour look.

"I'm kidding! I promise I won't peek."

"Not once?" I asked.

"Not once."

I disappeared into the trees and quickly changed into my fresh clothes.

When I returned to the car Jasper was still in the position I'd left him in, leaned back in the seat, hands folded across his stomach, and his eyes closed.

I climbed into the car and he sat up.

"Very nice," he commented. "Shall we?"

"Indeed," I replied.

"I'm glad you decided to come after me Bella," he said, giving me a soft smile.

I felt a warmth trickle over me. It wasn't his normal force of manipulation, just the residual of his own emotions, something I'd experienced many times before. "Me too," I said, smiling back, as he put the car into gear and pulled out onto the road, driving into the darkness.


	13. Chapter 13: History

Chapter 13

The sun left him sparkling in the direct sunlight. He smiled at me as he removed his shirt and lay down next to me, only inches away. I pretended not to notice him staring at me, and stared down at the chain of clovers I was making on my stomach. He grinned for a moment, then reached over and snatched up a clover by its stem and dangled it over my face. I looked over at him, delight washing over his face as I finally granted his bid for attention. He lowered his hand and traced the shape of my forehead, cheekbones, nose, lips and chin with the flower, the smell enveloping my senses, but not completely, I could still smell his sweet scent. He began to lean forward, and I closed my eyes. I felt his lips follow the trail he'd made with the clover, coming to rest on my throat, his tongue tracing a circle at the hollow before he pulled away.

"I love you Bella," he said softly.

I opened my eyes and met his butterscotch colored eyes, so seductive and warm.

"I love you too Edward," I whispered back.

A quick tug to the ankle woke me out of my daze, back to reality. Jasper stood expectantly at the foot of the tree. I was easily fifteen feet up, but wasn't exactly surprised that he could reach me. All he had to do was jump.

Shaking my head a few times, I tried to refocus my mind back to the present, away from the meadow. I didn't much care to leave that memory, but tried my best to adjust my mood according to my present, rather than my past. I pulled my leg up and poised cross legged on the branch and smiled down at him. "All ready?" I asked.

"I've had my fill of them," he said, wagging his head in the direction of the rapidly retreating herd of deer. "They're not exactly appetizing, but they'll do."

I gave a half smile and leaned back against the trunk, closing my eyes and enjoying the few rays of sunshine that broke through the canopy of leaves, the light creating patterns of diamonds that gently swayed across my skin with the moving branches. I heard the slightest push off from the ground, and felt the branch bow slightly as Jasper jumped up to where I was perched.

I opened my eyes and met the searching gaze of Jasper, who was crouched on the branch, sitting a few feet away. I stared back for a moment expectantly. "What?" I finally asked.

"Your turn," he said simply, leaning forward on his hands and swinging his legs down so that he was straddling the branch.

I furrowed my brow and leaned forward in confusion. "Oh," I said offhandedly, in recognition. I settled back against the tree and sighed.

"You're not going to hunt," he said slowly, "_again_," he added, "are you?"

I shrugged and stared down at the ground below. An army of ants was winding its way up the trunk of a neighboring tree. Some were carrying back the spoils of a productive day out of the anthill: twigs, blades of grass, grains of dirt, and pieces of unfortunate insects.

When I looked back up Jasper was leaning forward, his piercing gaze focused on my eyes.

I raised my eyebrows. "What?" I asked for a second time, though I didn't have to guess what he was looking at. It was a familiar gesture, one I'd gotten used to over the years.

"When was the last time you hunted?" he asked, perplexed.

"About thirty-six hours before I found you."

"Oh," he said faintly. "Your eyes are still kind of light, I guess. They just look really dull, almost like a cloudy gold or something."

"Thanks," I said fidgeting against the bow of the tree. "I'm fine though."

"You don't have the least bit of desire to hunt," he commented, his now rust colored eyes probing my face and beyond.

"No, I'm used to a far more stringent diet."

"Do you want me to make you thirsty?" Jasper suggested with the eagerness of a child wanting to help his mother in the kitchen.

"No. Besides, you can't _make_ me thirsty," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I can make you _want_ to be thirsty. You got pretty thirsty a few days ago in the woods," he said, smiling wickedly, swinging his legs and sitting back on his heels.

"That was entirely different. Wants and needs are two very different things. One has to do with emotions, the other with senses," I said, pushing myself up into a squat on the branch, "and you, thankfully, have no effect on my senses."

"I wish you'd come to yours," he said, raising his eyebrows.

I straightened up, reaching up and touching the tree limb above my head and stretched. I raised my eyebrows back in response then sprang of the tree branch into the empty air. The air went rushing past me until I landed gracefully on one foot. I looked back at Jasper and grinned.

He stared down at me for a moment then smirked and stood up. He leapt into the air, arms reaching out, and turned into a flip, going head over heels before landing soundlessly on the balls of his feet.

"Show off," I muttered.

Jasper snickered and began walking in the direction of the car. He was only a few steps ahead of me when I felt a craving for blood wash over me.

I frowned and picked up the pace, marching past him. "Stop," I said curtly.

"You're making me feel fat, hunting alone all the time," Jasper said in an exasperated tone as he caught up to me.

"You say like it's been years. It's only been six times," I said, rolling my eyes.

Jasper stared at me, scrutinizing my emotions. "What is this really about? You used to be able to hunt back to back weekends a few years ago, now you're acting like you're on some sort of diet. And you're deliberately avoiding talking about it, you have every time, don't think I haven't noticed."

It was annoying to have my eating habits questioned. While I had been coerced into hunting by Carlisle, I still resented being forced to partake when I didn't experience any level of thirst. I understood the intention and reasoning behind it, but it was never necessary. Like many things, consumption was just one of those that I'd left behind. Being out so much, being in Jasper's presence challenged many of the walls I'd put up, many of which threatened to come down at any moment. I was terrified at the prospect. Denial of my nature felt like just one way to maintain those walls, and I didn't feel inclined to explain myself to anyone, especially to Jasper, who had the habit of asking subsequent questions.

"I was a newborn then of course I welcomed any opportunity to hunt. All this hunting isn't about me it's about keeping you from going after a human. Why won't you just drop it?" I said cuttingly, turning on my heels and giving him a reproachful look.

"I don't know," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I guess I'm just trying to figure you out," Jasper said sullenly, his face falling.

My bad mood faltered and I immediately regretted being cross with him.

Without a word, recognizing the apology in the change of my emotions, Jasper smiled and continued past me.

I lagged behind, disgusted with myself.

"So at the risk of incurring your wrath again," he said, glancing behind at me, "Why the high places?"

"Hmm?" I replied absently.

"You're always up some tree, or on a rock face, even that old abandoned barn a few days ago, in the hayloft. Always the same position too, come to think of it. That can't have been the first time I've grabbed your leg to get your attention," he said, continuing to walk ahead. "Any sort of significance, or should I just drop that as well?"

I considered the question carefully. It was a legitimate question. "It's just a comfort thing, I guess," I said, shrugging, not that he could see, he still had his back to me.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" he asked.

"No, I've just found it relaxes me to sit up somewhere high."

"You remind me a mountain lion when you sit like that," he said casually, "the way they lay across branches with their paws hanging down."

"I guess I never really thought of it that way," I said, a small smile playing across my lips.

"You are what you eat. Well," he corrected, "_when_ you eat," he said, glancing back at me with a sheepish grin.

"Clever," I said shaking my head and suppressing a chuckle.

"Me? Never," he said sarcastically.

The sun was starting to make its descent into the west, still high enough to set our bodies to sparkling in the orange glow of a Missouri sunset. The road we'd pulled off of was empty, save for a few crows that were pecking away at a smear of road kill a hundred or so feet ahead.

We'd been relaxing by day, occasionally hunting by dawn and dusk, fueling up and traveling by night. Traveling during the day had once been a simple thing, Carlisle's Mercedes' darkly tinted windows made it impossible for other motorists to see the spectacle of us driving in broad daylight. In the Mustang we were completely visible, and didn't chance being spotted. We'd left behind Texas, Louisiana, and Arkansas without incident. Soon we would be adding Missouri to that list of states. It had taken us eight days get this far, unheard of where vampires were concerned, but our broken, though consistent, travel schedule limited how far we'd gotten so far.

Jasper effortlessly slid across the hood and grinned over his shoulder at me.

"You know I think hunting animals improves your mood over hunting humans," I said, leaning over the hood on my elbows.

"Yeah, or it could be the extended social companionship," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not much of a companion," I replied.

This was certainly true. Our days were spent in relative silence, though it was rarely awkward. For hours on end we would be in our own worlds. I had let him do most of the driving, he said it gave him something to focus on, and it gave me the freedom to concentrate my attention elsewhere as well. For me I was lost in a sea of memories. The only time the silence became awkward would be after I'd realized a particular memory had evoked strong emotions out of me, emotions like fear, sadness, despair, and even happy ones like lust. The realization that the person sitting next to me was channeling those emotions through me would leave me feeling self conscious and embarrassed. But he rarely said anything. Instead I would feel the embarrassment wash away as I felt my body absorb a swell of calm. In that sense he did provide me a world of companionship, but I could hardly say the same of myself to him.

"And I'm not in _that_ great a mood," he replied sarcastically, pushing himself onto the hood and sitting on the front of it.

I scrambled onto the hood and leaned back against the windshield. "Why not?"

"Same reason you're not," he said quietly, glancing over at me for a moment, holding my gaze, and then looking back down at his hands.

I pursed my lips, trying to think of something to say, but he continued before I could come up with anything that would help things.

"You are correct in one sense, the animal blood is affecting my mood, but it's not necessarily for the best."

My brow furrowed as I followed his eyes and stared down at his hands as he fidgeted.

"I feel like I've been wandering through the desert for days and finally finding an oasis, and my reprieve, my reward for suffering turns out to be filthy, foul smelling, and putrid tasting water. I still drink it, but it doesn't quench the thirst in the least. I'm just left wanting more of what I can't have. And it just gets worse and worse. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to come apart at the seams if we have to pass up another human. They smell so sweet it almost makes me physically ill to deny myself, their scent cuts me through and through. And sometimes when we drive past them, like if they're walking on the side of the road, it's such a fight to keep from leaping out of the car after them, and when I don't I end up being so angry that it's all I can do to keep from screaming," he said, his features becoming distorted with frustration and voice growing more intense. He paused and looked up. Meeting my gaze, his expression softened. "But then there are the other times I can suppress the desire, but only just. And I don't know what makes it easier. Like back in the gas station, it hurt, but it felt good to be able to get that close to a human and not jump over the counter and attack her. I know it gets easier, it did after a while back in Forks, but I don't know how much of that was me, and maybe the passage of time, and not, other things, like Alice's presence, the support of the whole family. Even then I had to fight to keep myself in check."

"It sounds like withdrawal from an addiction," I said quietly, breaking his gaze to look down at my shirt as I began to unbutton the sleeves.

"What?" he asked, sounding curiously surprised.

"Well I mean that sounds like the classic symptoms of withdrawal. Intense cravings, nausea, pain, mood swings, you sound like an addict," I speculated.

"And my drug of choice is human blood," he said, frowning slightly.

A stray memory danced through my mind. "You are my own personal brand of heroine, Bella" Edward said, smiling wistfully down at me.

"You might be onto something there, Bella," Jasper said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I said, trying to keep the edge of frustrated out of my voice. Back in Forks, it wasn't often that my thoughts were interrupted. I wasn't used to it.

Jasper either took the emotional hint or was absorbed deep in thought because he fell silent, staring at the setting sun.

The warmth of it felt so good. I could feel the heat flood into every part it touched. Though it was easily just above freezing, I leaned forward and shrugged out of my light blue button up shirt, revealing a white cotton tank top. The sun's heat swallowed up my bare skin and gave me a sensation similar sensation to drinking something hot on a particularly cold day. It was through and through comfort. My skin reflected the oranges, yellows, reds, and pinks of a rapidly darkening sky.

Jasper glanced at me for a moment then looked away, back at the sunset, saying nothing. A low hum built up in his chest as he began to hum a tune I'd heard him hum to himself several times before. It was low and mournful, and nothing about it seemed contemporary, from the tones to the cadence.

The last note faded just as the sun dipped beneath the horizon.

"Let's go," he said, sliding off the hood.

I got down and got into the passenger seat, throwing my shirt into the backseat.

The smell of burning rubber stung my nose as Jasper peeled out onto the road, heading north on Interstate 72.

The light traffic didn't seem to distract Jasper as he maneuvered the car in and out of the packs of slow moving cars. Jasper kept his eyes on the road as I curled into the leather seat, pulling my knees up to my chest, and turning to face him.

"What's that song you keep humming?" I asked, staring over at him.

Jasper looked over briefly then immediately away. I felt embarrassment trickle over me, a whisper of Jasper's own emotions.

"What?" I asked, grinning at the thought of making him squirm.

"Well, it just uh, will make me sound old," he stuttered, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"You are old," I corrected teasingly.

Jasper scoffed and continued to stare at the road.

"It's a battle hymn we used to sing at the camps during the war," he said, giving me a sidelong glance.

"Oh. It's nice," I said awkwardly.

"Huh," Jasper chuckled once.

A thought occurred to me, but I immediately shied away from asking Jasper about it. It seemed too private. I shifted in my seat and faced the road.

"What? What is it? Why the sudden timidness?" he asked, a small smile playing across his lips.

"Seemed personal, that's all," I shrugged.

"This ought to be good. Go on then," he said, his smile broadening.

I looked over at him and watched his face.

His features smoothed as he took in my emotions and my searching eyes.

"Why did you join the army?" I finally asked.

Jasper exhaled sharply, as if he'd been holding it and laughed lightly. "I thought you were going to ask something extremely uncomfortable, I was worried," he said, regarding me carefully. "Why did I join the army?" he repeated thoughtfully. "Well it was just the thing to do back then. My older brothers had already enlisted, and it was either stay on the farm and wait until it was my turn, or go to the next town over and join under false pretenses."

There was a long pause as Jasper's eyes slid out of focus, a familiar expression I'd seen other vampires have as they attempted to see through the haze of human memories.

"I joined up with my best friend, my cousin Martin. He was younger than me, but I got us both in. I was almost seventeen. He had only just turned sixteen. He was so surprised they didn't turn him away. He was more than impressed that I managed to talk us both into the Confederate army. He said I had a silver tongue. We trained together, and we fought together in the same platoon in Carthage, but because of a promotion, his company had different field placement from my own during the Wilson's Creek engagement. But…" he said, his voice trailing off. His forehead creased in pain for a moment, then forced smooth. "But he didn't survive the second charge at Wilson's Creek. His platoon took a significant amount of fire on the field. It was a day before I could find him, but by then…" he trailed off again.

I couldn't take my eyes off him, the strange emotion, certainly sad, but there was something more. It was a combination of the sadness and the warmth of affection that was coming off of him, it was so bittersweet. Maybe this was nostalgia? It was intoxicating.

Jasper chuckled. "Marty, he was always in trouble. Then again if you'd have talked to either of our mothers, they'd have said I was the one who got him into and out of trouble. I could always talk us out of anything, including some of our more egregious antics like borrowing horses and eating crops out of fields that didn't belong to us. So many times we should have gotten into trouble, and all it took was for me to convince the would be punisher that we were just having some fun, to remind them of what it was like to be young. And that's all it took." He smirked. "I didn't gain any form of discipline until the army, and even then, it's arguable that my real disciplinary training didn't start until I became a Cullen." He paused and took in my shocked expression. "But Marty and I, it was always he and I together, up until, well," he hesitated, "but that was the first time since we were babies, practically since birth we were separated. He followed me around like I hung the moon, and I took care of him the same way my big brothers took care of me. I felt so responsible when he died. I'd always been there to help him, to fix things, but not that time. No, I rose through the ranks, while he never made it above corporal, not that he didn't have the potential to be an officer, he just didn't have my advantage. But he did receive the medal for "Distinguished Demonstration of Gallantry and Valor," for the Battle of Carthage, and he did that all on his own, managing to capture a canon, ready to open fire on Confederate troops with a single ignition. He got through a dozen or so soldiers to get it too," he said, his voice swelling with pride. "I sent the medal home the month before I was sent down to Galveston to protect the port, and it wasn't too many more months after that when Maria found me."

After a minute or two he met my eyes. "So to answer your question," he said, clearing his throat, "I joined the army because it was just what one did back then," he said, giving an embarrassed smile for having gone on as long as he did, before turning back and staring down the road.

I watched him with interest, taking a lock of my hair between two fingers and twisting it around gently. I saw Jasper in a new light, not as my friend, not as my brother, but as someone who'd experienced so much in his young life before being changed. He suddenly appeared so much older, his experiences having aged Jasper in their power and pain. Still I felt as if I had a deeper insight and understanding into his behavior, the discipline and stoicism he was known for becoming a front, overcompensation and atonement for things that had transpired during the war. My respect for Jasper had deepened.

Jasper continued to watch me out of the peripheral of his eyesight, until finally my eyes drifted downwards. I stared at the patterns the fibers made in the floor mats, absorbing what he'd shared with me, grateful for the insight. I wished for a way to thank him for that insight, but realized that he probably could feel the appreciation within me. A new sense of gratitude arose for his ability to perceive things I didn't necessarily care to, nor begin to know how to, articulate. All the same I worried if somehow I was being rude by not expressing concern for Marty, or if I was somehow being insensitive by not attempting to console him or offering condolences for a loss that had happened over a hundred and forty years ago. I felt anxiety flair within me for a moment. What should I say?

I released the lock of my hair and tilted my head to one side, relaxing, recognizing the "emotion hug" Jasper was providing. I said nothing, just settled deeper into the chair, watching the road now. I sighed in contentment and smiled.

Jasper sighed in reply and smiled back as he eased his foot down and sped faster down the highway.


	14. Chapter 14: American Lit

Chapter 14

It was hours later when the wave of relaxation finally subsided rather suddenly.

"Hannibal!" he cried.

I jumped in my seat and looked around for what he was talking about. "Hannibal?" I asked, confused, recovering slightly.

A green road sign came into sight, Hannibal, four miles. I gave Jasper a confused look.

"Hannibal!" he repeated. "Bella, don't tell me you don't know about Hannibal," he said, looking at me expectantly.

"Um…" I murmured, trailing off, trying to remember its significance. Perhaps it was a famous sight of the Civil War? Maybe a president was born here?

"Hannibal is the childhood home of Mark Twain. He based the setting of the Adventures of Tom Sawyer and of Huckleberry Finn on this town," Jasper exclaimed with a gleam in his eyes. "You're such a bookworm I would have thought you'd know that."

"That sounds familiar," I said, struggling to recall the high school English class where Mark Twain had been taught, but that, like so many other memories, had become blurred since I'd been changed.

"Familiar! I'm shocked Bella," he said teasingly.

"Unlike you, I've only been through high school once, and that was as a human. I can't clearly recall some of the most significant events in my life as a human, let alone the mundane ones like a high school English class," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Well you're about to get an education. We're stopping," he said, turning the wheel sharply.

I flinched as Jasper narrowly squeezed past several cars and one tractor trailer as cut across two lanes of traffic and went barreling down the exit ramp.

We veered onto Mark Twain Avenue, and as we broke through a cluster of trees a bright light illuminated the sky, and then dimmed.

"What on earth…" I said, leaning forward. "It's a lighthouse."

"It's for boats on the Mississippi River," his southern drawl usually very subtle was drawn out in his pronunciation of 'Muhssuhssippeh Rivuh.'

"And here I thought it was for the Atlantic Ocean," I said sarcastically, smirking.

Jasper grinned over at me, shrugged good naturedly, and shook his head.

We passed a sign that read, 'Downtown Hannibal,' a gross overstatement for the sleepy town. Jasper paused at the traffic signal before turning. About a quarter mile away were two silver strips of metal, railroad tracks, and just beyond the tracks lay the river. The moon reflected off the lapping waves of the river, giving it a pale, mysterious glow. Little else bore light in the town, save a few streetlamps and traffic lights, as we turned onto what appeared to be the main drag. Old brick buildings crowded the streets, some antique stores, a few restaurants, and a drugstore or two. It was all rather picturesque, as if taken out of a copy of Life Magazine from the 1950s. All the windows were darkened, and the streets were empty and quiet. A block ahead there stood a large, ornate sign, painted green with gold and red lettering, boldly declaring, "Hannibal: America's Hometown." Beneath it stood large map denoting several points of interest nearby.

Jasper pulled up to the curb and got out of the car, practically running to the sign.

I was slightly daunted by his display. I'd never seen him so excited about anything that didn't involve Alice. His giddiness was so apparent he was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

I leaned over and turned the car off, then got out and joined him. I looked into his face; boyish glee had taken the place of the often stoic, determined expression he usually wore. I bit my lip to hide a grin as Jasper pointed to the map.

"There's Huckleberry Finn's house, and Becky Thatcher's house, Judge Clemens' law office, and then the Clemens' house, with Tom Sawyer's whitewashing fence, and then a statue of Huck and Tom," Jasper said in one rapid phrase, his finger jabbing at each of the sights. "Isn't this great?" he asked excitedly, spinning around and taking a few steps towards the curb and looking down the street longingly.

I watched him, completely amused, swallowing back a chuckle.

"What?" he asked, turning around after a moment to face me and noticing my expression.

"I'm not making fun of you," I said, seeing a guarded look return to his eyes. "I just never realized you were such a fan of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer," I said, a smile now playing at the corners of my lips, threatening to give way any moment now into a grin.

"Well it's not just Tom and Huck," he said, speaking as if they were old friends of his, "It's everything Mark Twain's written, it's "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court," it's "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County," it's his travel logs! They're just terrific. But I guess especially Tom and Huck. They always sparked my imagination, even reminded me of home a bit. I guess being here makes my heroes come alive," he said breathlessly.

The smile blossomed on my lips. I couldn't contain my amusement any longer. Seeing Jasper so excited, so exuberant made me feel so happy for him, his joy was almost contagious.

"So would you like to walk around and look at these places?" I suggested.

Jasper's eyes lit up. "Oh absolutely," he said, grinning. "You don't mind?"

"Jasper, no I don't mind! You only made a dream come true for me by taking me horseback riding, of course I want you to look around!" I said incredulously.

"Alright, well according to this map, if we go one block south, we'll hit all the major sights," he said, tracing a finger over the map. He paused for a moment and turned to me, "Unless you want to see the birthplace of the 'Unsinkable Molly Brown,' in which case we'll need to double back," he said looking over his shoulder.

"No, I don't think I need to see that," I chuckled.

"Show a little more respect, she did survive the Titanic," he said mockingly.

"Oh and I'm quite sure you have vivid memories of that event," I said, nudging him in the ribs with my elbow.

Jasper winced in feigned pain, and rubbed his side as we turned and started walking south. "Did you give Edward this hard a time about his age?"

I pursed my lips for a moment and then gave a wistful smile. "No, I guess I didn't really tease him that much in general. I think I was afraid if I hit a sore spot he'd get his feelings hurt and might up and disappear or something."

"Edward was a delicate flower, most assuredly, but I think he certainly deserves a bit more credit than you give him. Emmett had a good seven decades worth of making fun of him. Even I got in six, and he never disappeared on us."

"Maybe I was the delicate flower then, up to a certain point I was convinced he was going to just be gone one day," I said, slipping my hands into my pockets.

"What was that certain point?" he asked, his brow furrowing.

"When we got married," I said matter-of-factly.

"Ah," he said, looking down at his feet then back up at the street.

A moment later our first attraction came up on our left. "Oh this is so great!" Jasper cried, spying the bronze statue of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. He scrambled up the pedestal and stood between the two.

"I wish I had my camera," I said chuckling, as Jasper stuck out his chin, crossed his arms, and leaned back against Tom Sawyer.

"You know I always wanted to be like Huck Finn," he said, jumping down.

"Why do I have no trouble believing that?" I said smirking.

"Probably because you've seen too many Tom Sawyer's in your life to know that I could never be a Tom," he said, flashing a grin. He feigned a sneeze that sounded very much like, "Newton!"

On one side of the street was Becky Thatcher's house, on the other stood Huckleberry Finn's house. Jasper scrambled up to the porches and peered through each of the windows, taking in everything, commenting here and excitedly giving explanations and references concerning the novels. All the while I enjoyed taking in the sights, but more so I enjoyed watching Jasper. Clearly this was his Disney World, and I was more than happy to oblige him as he chattered on about the world St. Petersburg.

Towards the corner there stood a tall fence with alternating patches of white paint and bare wood running the length of the fence. Jasper practically skipped across the street, running his hand across the wood.

"Tom Sawyer's fence," he said eagerly.

"Probably my favorite part of that book, Tom convinces local, gullible children to do his work."

"Definitely a great moment in literature," he said, nodding in agreement.

Adjoined to the fence was a dark grey house with a sign in the window that read, 'Gift shop,' and immediately past that a sign proudly marked the "The Boyhood Home of Samuel Langhorne Clemens." Jasper stood, staring up at the house in awe.

The house was a tidy looking, two story building with white siding, and brick steps leading up to a dark green door. On either side of the door was a window. On the second floor there were three additional windows, deeply set into the house. Each of these had a window box filled with winter-blooming pansies.

I followed Jasper up to the first floor windows, looking into each of them. Each of the rooms featured what one might expect to find in such a place; furniture and personal effects of the Clemens family, items of particular significance including books, portraits of the family, even a baby's blanket which the above it noted was used for each of the Clemens children.

Jasper backed away from the house and stared up at the second story intently. "Let's climb up there," he said enthusiastically.

"Jasper, I don't know about that," I said hesitantly. Looking into first floor windows was all well and good, even climbing over the statue could easily be explained and with some effort possibly excused by the local police, but scaling the second floor with no apparent place for us to climb seemed risky, not to mention highly illegal. "It's trespassing," I frowned.

"Oh come on Bella, it's not like you've never trespassed before. Besides, I'm not going to break in, I just want to get a better look," he said, giving me a pleading look.

My resolve was weakening, but it wasn't because he was influencing my emotions, simply put, I didn't want Jasper to be disappointed.

"Fine," I caved.

"Alright!" he crowed.

"Hush!" I clucked. "We don't exactly want to be attracting attention to ourselves while we're doing this."

Jasper gave me a sheepish look then took a step away from the building. He crouched low and vaulted himself upwards, landing soundlessly on the far left second floor window.

"Come on Bella!" he hissed, reaching his hand out to catch me.

I objected to his underestimating my ability to jump up that high, and feeling insolent, raised an eyebrow at him before I sprang into the air. I turned midair and caught the gutter and pulled myself up onto the roof and leaned down so that I hung upside down, clutching the gutter between my bent knees.

Jasper's jaw dropped for a split second, but he quickly snapped it shut, his teeth clicking as he did so.

"I thought we weren't trying to attract any attention to ourselves," he said in a sly voice.

I balanced myself as I turned my head to get a better look at him. "I thought you wanted a better look," I retorted.

"You look like a bat," he snorted.

"You look like jailbird, trespasser," I said, leaning forward and peering into the room. More personal effects, except this room included a bed and several mannequins wearing period clothing.

Jasper leaned forward as well, a grin having replaced his smirk. "It's just so amazing to imagine that Mark Twain was once here, that he actually grew up in this house, walked these floors, even looked through these very windows. Though," he said pausing, "I very much doubt he looked through them in quite the same manner in which we are," he said, glancing up at me.

I rolled my eyes, which I discovered was an extremely disorienting thing to do when hanging upside down. "So what's your fascination with Mark Twain?" I asked, blinking hard in order to regain my bearings.

"Most of my favorite novels of his were published after I was changed, but being in Monterrey, and being a young vampire, reading wasn't high on the list of priorities. In fact it was only by chance that I read his books at all. I found a copy of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer when I was riding a train cross country. I had left Peter and Charlotte's company and felt drawn to the east coast. I was feeling rather miserable and lonely, not to mention a little homesick for a home I could never return to, so to pass the time I stayed in my cabin and read the book, over and over again. It kept me from encountering a human in one of the cramped corridors, and it gave me something in which I could completely lose myself."

"Do you still feel homesick?"

Jasper sighed and frowned thoughtfully. "Since everyone I ever knew and virtually any trace of the farm I grew up on was gone, not as much. That's where I envy you," he said, staring down at me.

"Envy me?" I said, pulling my hair out of my face.

"You still get to see Charlie and Renee. I never saw my parents again after I left to join the army when I was seventeen. You're very fortunate in that sense, lucky that the circumstances of your change allow you that ability."

"Yeah…" my voice trailed off. I looked away, suddenly feeling very guilty. "I probably should call Charlie. I have no idea what Carlisle will have told him about all of this."

Jasper jumped over to the next window sill, careful to spare the flowers in the window box.

I flipped myself so the world returned to being right side up, and climbed hand over hand across the gutter to the next window and dropped down next to Jasper.

"I'd like to have seen you do that when you were human," he said, chuckling.

"Oh, I'd have died," I said with confidence.

"Probably," he said, laughing. His smile faded, his face going serious. "So what are you going to tell Charlie? I mean, when you call him."

"Well," I said, turning away from the window and leaning against the glass. "I guess I'll say I'm taking some time away from Forks so I can think."

"Is that what they told him about me?" he asked, leaning on one elbow against the window's frame.

"Basically."

"Huh," he chuckled once. "What if he tries to convince you to come home?" he asked casually.

I felt a faint trickling feeling of anxiety and worry. For some reason it made me happy to know Jasper was worried that I might leave, as if he'd miss me.

"He can try," I said, looking out over the rooftops of the businesses that lined the streets and to the rows houses that ran along the next street over. "But it's not going to work," I added, meeting his eyes.

"No?" he asked, his brow pulled together in worry.

"Nah," I said, grinning, still looking out over the town.

I watched Jasper out of the corner of my eye. He wrinkled his forehead then relaxed into a small, relieved smile. Was that a look of satisfaction? I wondered, but said nothing.

Jasper turned and leapt to the last window sill, peering in. "His writing desk is in here," he commented.

"Really?" I asked, looking over with interest.

"No, I'm lying," he replied.

I rolled my eyes and leapt to the next window. My foot slipped off the ledge, I tried to catch myself, only managing to successfully trounce the flowers in the window box. I was still falling, stumbling forward, with nowhere to go, but to the ground below.

Jasper's arm snaked around my waist and caught me, keeping me from falling. He lifted me off my feet, and pulled me back over the ledge. "Clumsy vampire," he snickered.

"Thank you," I said sheepishly.

I stretched my toes to touch the wood, but it was just out of my reach, as I hovered over the window sill. Jasper made no effort to put me down. "You can put me down now," I said, grunting as I tried to wriggle away. "I can stand on my own two feet," I whined.

"I don't know," he replied teasingly. "_Can_ you?"

"Jasper!" I protested.

"I swear Bella, you are the only clumsy vampire I've ever met. Hey, maybe that's your special ability," he suggested, tightening his hold around my ribs to keep me from getting away, and pulling my back against his body.

"Don't think I can't get out of this hold, Jasper Whitlock Hale," I snarled through gritted teeth.

"Oh I have no doubt that you could, but we wouldn't want to damage a historical monument for American literature," he said, slipping an arm behind my knees and sweeping me completely into his arms, my back pressed against his chest.

"Yeah, it's true, but you're forgetting something Jasper," I replied darkly, grinning evilly.

"What's that?" he challenged.

"I prefer British literature!" I growled, throwing my shoulders back and kicking my legs forward as hard as I could. I used the momentum of pushing off his chest to throw myself backwards, and the swing of my legs to flip me upwards. I landed in a crouch on the roof a few feet above.

I smirked down at him as I casually pulled a few strands of hair out of my eyes.

"You're amazing," he breathed, putting a hand behind his head and rubbing his neck.

"Me?" I asked, with a small laugh. "Why?"

"Because one minute you can be completely inept and helpless, and the next be utterly intimidating in your strength and the epitome of grace," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "It's a bit disorienting at worst and absolutely amazing at best."

I gave a sheepish smile and crept forward to the edge of the roof, leaning onto the gutter. "Thank you," I said feeling the ghostly echo of a blush in my cheeks.

He chuckled, and then glanced around him, before looking back at me.

"You know, I must admit, not in a century, not in a dozen, would I have ever though I would be on the roof of Mark Twain's house with you of all people."

'With me of all people'? It almost sounded like he would have rather been there with someone else. I sadly acknowledged to myself that it was probable that he would have much rather had the company of Alice, if he had the option. I leaned back slightly, feeling self conscious.

"It's not a bad thing, at all," Jasper said, reading my emotions. "I'm really happy we're here."

"Well I definitely didn't imagine this a year ago, hell, even a month ago that I'd be anywhere but in Forks," I said, leaning back down. "It's so hard to know where life's road will lead us."

Jasper crossed his arms and pulled himself up by his elbows onto the roof, letting his feet dangle over the ledge.

"And what about after now, now that you're here? Where do you see this road leading us?" he asked, tilting his face towards me, his eyes searching mine.

I caught myself leaning forward as well. We were at eyelevel and so close I could feel his breath rustle the flyaway strands of hair framing my face. His breath was so warm, his scent enveloped me. My vision went hazy, as if I were standing in a fog. In that moment I felt the strangest draw to him.

After a minute I realized he was looking at me expectantly.

I blinked away the fog, feeling slightly dazed, and my vision became sharpened and more focused. "Well I guess if things continue with this unpredictable pattern, I can't begin to guess where we'll end up," I answered finally, leaning back and sitting on my heels.

Jasper kept his eyes locked on mine for a moment before he lowered himself back onto the window sill.

Suddenly a sound from the street below caught our attention. Our heads snapped in the direction of a car turning the corner and coming to a stop.

"Hang on Stu. I think I've got some teenagers trespassing at the Clemens' house," said a gruff man within the Marion County Sheriff's cruiser.


	15. Chapter 15: Flight

Chapter 15

Several things happened at once in slow motion. The car door opened, and the light breeze carried his scent as the sheriff put a foot on the ground to step out of the car. Jasper turned and gave me a look of apologetic and resigned panic. The sheriff put a hand on the door frame of the car, and I could see a small, but visible cut over two of his knuckles, the blood barely dried, and instantly I understood Jasper's expression.

Then time sped up, and everything happened in rapid succession. My eyes darted back to Jasper; his eyes had been swallowed up by blackness, all reason and rationale draining from him. Jasper's body shifted to turn and leap down to the street below, and ravage the sheriff. His muscles tensed, and he sprang. I hardly had time to consider what I was doing as I dove forward, seizing Jasper by his shoulders and throwing us backwards through the closed window.

Glass showered down on us as we tumbled across the hardwood floor. Jasper's shoulder connected with the wall opposite of the window, the plaster giving way loudly as I tumbled into him, slamming into his chest.

I shot my hand over his mouth and nose, attempting to quiet his snarls and block out the faint scent of human wafting through the broken window.

"Jasper, be quiet!" I whispered furiously.

"Stu, I need back up! They've just broken into the second floor window! Get Ray and Jessup out here pronto!" the sheriff shouted from the street. "I've got two Caucasians, young, possibly one male, one female."

There was a garbled reply, confirming the call for back up.

"This is the Marion County Sheriff's Department! You are trespassing. If you do not immediately—" he called out in an uncertain voice.

I tuned him out, my mind racing. "What are we going to do, Jasper?" I whispered.

Jasper's eyes were still heavy with bloodlust.

The sheriff's heartbeats became louder as he walked across the pavement. His breathing was ragged, as he continued to try and remain calm and in control while attempting to coax us out of the building. Surely this was the most exciting thing that had happened to him on the job in a long time, possibly ever, given how small the town was.

Jasper's muscles convulsed in a spasm, his head jerking back with suppressed desire, and a hungry snarl rumbling in his chest.

"Jasper, hush," I murmured, reaching up and pulling a few shards of glass out of his hair.

He reached out and clenched a hand around my upper arm, his body trembling.

A minute later a second car pulled up outside, a second person, presumably whoever had been called for backup joined the first. "Pete, what have we got?" he asked.

"Two, I think a male and female, looked like teenagers to me, no weapons. I drove up and saw them on the roof. I don't know how they managed to get up there, but Ray, I wasn't even out of my car, and the next thing I hear is breaking glass and see them going through the window. No answer when I called them."

"We'll try them again before we go in after them. We've been trained for this, we just go by the book," Ray replied with an air of authority. Perhaps I'd been mistaken. It seemed Pete was the deputy after all.

"Alright, you two, I am the Sheriff of Marion County. Come out now, hands behind your heads! Let's do this as peacefully as possible, there's no need for anyone to get hurt!" Ray barked.

Jasper and I laid there next to each other, eyes locked.

I was pleading with Jasper internally, "Calm down, Jasper, please, calm down," I begged silently.

Something in his eyes changed, his features relaxing, and the darkness receded from his eyes.

"I'll give you to the count of ten to come out, or we're coming in after you," the sheriff warned. "Ten…nine…"

"How are we going to get out of this?" I whispered desperately.

His eyes shifted to the shattered window, then back to me.

"We go out the way we came in," I said thoughtfully.

Jasper nodded his eyes boring into me now.

It was almost as if I could see what Jasper was thinking. The officers would enter downstairs through the front door, guns drawn, as soon as they were far enough into the house, searching the interior rooms, we could jump through the window.

"But only once they're inside," I breathed, understanding dawning on me.

Jasper's eyes crinkled at the edges and I could feel his mouth pulling into a smile beneath my hand.

"Five…four…"

Jasper let go of my arm and put his hand over mine and pulled it down gently, bringing our hands to our sides, interlacing our fingers.

"Three…two…"

"Don't let go of my hand Bella," he whispered through gritted teeth.

"I won't. When we're out we'll make a run for the car."

"One!" the sheriff shouted.

The two men crept across the pavement, up to the front door.

"Are we really going to kick down the door to the Clemens' house?" Pete muttered, suddenly sounding uneasy.

"If you know another way in, I'd love to hear about it," the sheriff replied indignantly.

"How about a second floor window?" Pete said in a dull voice.

"Not quite what I had in mind. Get your head in the game, Pete."

"Yes sir," he replied.

Suddenly there was a loud pounding noise coming from below followed by a crash as the front door gave way. The floor creaked as the sheriff and his deputy walked through the house, moving from room to room, their hearts pounding.

Jasper and I stood up and soundlessly crossed the room, our hands clasped tightly together.

I kept my eyes on the shattered window, counting the steps to our escape. A foot away from the window, a piece of glass crunched beneath my foot. We both looked down in horror. Jasper's grip tightened around my hand.

On the floor below, someone paused, and then continued to sweep the house.

I swallowed hard and continued towards the window. It was only a few more steps.

We reached the window and stepped out onto the ledge. Jasper nodded once, and we jumped.

The air pushed past us, my hair whipping around my shoulders and neck as we silently landed in a crouch.

I could hear the men's heartbeats, their every breath. Their scent hung in the air, clinging to the light fog that clouded the streetlamps. Jasper clenched my hand tighter, and I could feel his hesitation as we began to sprint down the block.

We were feet away from the car when a patrol car turned the corner, lights flashing.

We immediately slowed to a human's pace, reaching the car only a moment later. I wrenched open the driver's side door, still holding onto Jasper's hand.

Jasper slid into the seat.

"Keep going!" I ordered.

The cruiser zoomed past us, but almost immediately slammed on his brakes, stopping mid-intersection only fifty feet ahead. The deputy peered at us through the rearview mirror. Something in his expression changed, his glare growing suspicious.

"But—" Jasper protested.

"I'm not arguing about this, move!" I cried, giving him a hard shove, as the cruiser began to turn around.

I jumped into the driver's seat, releasing Jasper's hand, and reached down and turned on the car. I threw the car into gear, dodging the squad car as he tried to box our car in. I lay on the accelerator hard as we spun around the corner, turning again so we were headed north.

The car followed closely behind, its siren blaring and lights illuminating the darkness as the little town of Hannibal fell behind us.

"Bella, where are you going?" Jasper asked in a tense voice.

I gritted my teeth together as I pushed the car faster. I wasn't sure how much horsepower the Mustang had, but I hoped it could outdrive the Crown Victoria that weaved behind me.

"Bella?" Jasper asked, his voice sounding more urgent. "Bella, what are you—"

"I'm trying to get us the hell out of here Jasper!" I shouted as the deputy drove dangerously close to the bumper of the Mustang.

We sped down an empty country road. The cruiser attempted to overtake us on the shoulder.

"Bella, he's coming up—"

"I see him!" I said, cutting the wheel, preventing him from coming over.

I pushed the car to 110 miles per hour, still he pursued us. I had no doubt he'd be calling for additional backup.

"We're coming up on the next county, look out for the next line of police," he said, glancing behind us.

"Got it," I said, keeping my eyes locked on the horizon.

I saw them before my headlights bounced off the dark grey squad cars. They were just off to the shoulder, almost hidden behind brush and a large sign that read, "Welcome to Lewis County, Missouri!"

"Up on the right," he said, looking forward, then over his shoulder. "Bella, this guy is backing off, look out for a spike strip," he cautioned.

"There's a cop on the shoulder with one," I replied.

The officer leaned out and threw the strip as we barreled towards him.

"Watch it! Watch it!" Jasper cried, bracing his hands against the dashboard.

"I see it!" I shouted back. I turned the wheel sharply and stomped onto the gas pedal, narrowly avoiding the spike strip as our car skimmed the grass just off the edge of the pavement, a cloud of gravel and dirt kicking up behind us.

A second and third police car gave chase, both catching up rapidly.

"Bella, they are going to sandwich you," Jasper growled, his eyes wide. "Bella—"

"I'm sorry Jasper, but would you like to drive?" I cried, growing irritated by the stream of comments that amounted to backseat driving while in a high speed chase.

"As a matter of fact, I would!" he said, leaning over and mashing his foot down on the accelerator. He reached over and lifted me out of the seat with one hand, placing his other on the wheel. He slid underneath me as I sighed deeply and climbed over him and the center console and nearly fell into the passenger seat as the car swerved.

The car veered away from one the police vehicles as it attempted to hit our back, right quarter.

"Start getting all of our stuff together," Jasper ordered.

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"We're going to have to ditch this car, they'll be looking for this car on all the roads, and by now they'll have run the plates and realized it's stolen. There's no way we can keep going with it, we'll have to bail."

The car swerved again as I slid into the backseat and began to gather the things we'd discarded, stuffing them into the duffle bag.

"Don't forget the cell phone, we don't want them to trace this back to the family," he said, his eyes focused on the road.

"Got it," I said, patting my pocket to be sure.

I felt worry begin to creep into my mind, the reality was setting in. We were running from the police, fugitives from the law. What if they managed to figure out our identities? What about our family? Panic began to squeeze its way up from my stomach into my chest. The irony of the situation kept the panic from winning out entirely. The thought occurred to me, what would Charlie think of this? Me, a police chief's daughter, fleeing arrest, not only as a passenger, but an active participant in a high speed chase; he'd arrest me himself.

I shook my head at the thought. I bent over and checked beneath the seats, making sure we hadn't left anything behind.

The car bucked back and forth, nearly throwing me into the floor. I pulled myself up and realized we were sailing down a narrow dirt road. The only lights came from behind us, Jasper had cut our headlights off; we had no need for them.

"Hold on Bella, we're going off road. Be ready to run when we stop."

I climbed into the front seat, pulling the duffle bag along with my messenger bag with me into my lap.

Jasper turned the wheel and drove through a narrow space between two fence posts, and we began to bounce around erratically. The car groaned as we hit dips in the ground, and a hubcap flew off the front left tire. The police followed, though not nearly as close. They seemed to be having a harder time keeping up. We veered into the shadow of a forest, dodging trees, barely avoiding ditches, and splashing through several shallow creeks. All of it formed an obstacle course that would surely slow down those who pursued us, who were rapidly becoming a faint glow of light in the distance.

"Any idea where we'll be running to?" I asked, feeling nervous. I pictured us running in the wrong direction, or worse, becoming separated.

Jasper's hard expression softened. "Don't worry Bella, we'll get out of this together. Nothing bad is going to happen," he said, reaching and taking my hand in his.

My worry and anxiety lessened, though it didn't entirely disappear.

The car slowed and came to a crawl as we pulled under the thick cover of several tall rhododendrons. It wouldn't hide the car for long, but it might buy us a little more time.

"Let's go," he said, letting go of my hand to grab the duffle bag off of my lap and getting out of the car.

I got out, slipping my messenger bag over my head as I did so. I could hear multiple cars tearing through the woods not too far off. Panic began to win out, and my breathing hitched.

Jasper appeared at my side and took my hand again, interlacing our fingers. "This way," he said, giving me a smile and wagging his head in the direction over his shoulder.

I nodded nervously.

The sirens grew louder. The police weren't too far off.

Jasper looked over the top of my head, then down at me. "It's okay Bella," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it.

I felt a wave of hope and optimism wash over me. I knew we would be okay.

Without a backwards glance we disappeared into the night, leaving the Mustang behind us, and the police who would eventually find it.


	16. Chapter 16: For the Night

Chapter 16

The sounds of our pursuers had faded away entirely long ago, and we were slowing down for the first time since we'd left the car. After hours of running I hadn't the first clue where we were.

The sky had taken on a hue of pale grey-lavender and the stars were beginning to fade. It would be dawn in an hour, at most. In the east the sun was already beginning to turn the few wispy clouds peach and orange.

We'd crossed through fields, pastures, forests, streams and swamp land. We had stuck to the country mainly, passing farms occasionally, but at times in close proximity to a few small towns as well. The Mississippi River made an appearance here and there, but we had yet to cross it, and it had remained entirely on our right. This was how I knew we'd been headed in a northern direction.

We stood in the shadow of a cluster of trees. A forest lay to our right, a vast, empty field to our left. Just ahead was a highway.

"We need to find a place for the day, it doesn't look like we've lucked out," Jasper commented, looking up at the clear sky.

"So the forest?" I asked, unsure.

"Well actually I was thinking a cheap motel. I imagine I look worse for the wear, and I could certainly use a shower."

'Worse for the wear' was an accurate description for both of us. Mud was spattered on our clothing and bodies, head to toe. I could feel bits of leaves in my hair, and Jasper had a small twig sticking out from his unkempt hair. Neither of us smelled particularly pleasant either.

The idea of the first hot shower in almost two weeks sounded very appealing, and I suddenly felt very eager to find a place as soon as possible.

Jasper's smile broadened. "I thought you might like that."

He dropped my hand which he'd held since we abandoned the car, and walked out from under the trees. He cocked his head to the side and stared intently.

"I think there's a town just west. It's a little brighter over there," he said, turning and pointing.

I could see what he was talking about. The sky had the faintest grey-yellow glow just west of us. "Looks like it's got potential."

"Let's go," he said, taking off in that direction.

I followed beside him, my hand feeling unnaturally awkward and empty now as it swung at my side next to Jasper. I shrugged off the feeling and regarded it as just having become accustomed to him over the past few hours.

Running along the empty highway, we encountered several gas stations and auto repair shops, all of which were closed. The only business that looked open was a brightly lit truck stop with a half dozen tractor trailers clustered around it, though it was of no benefit to us. After running for less than a half hour, we reached a rundown looking motor lodge, whose half-lit neon sign buzzed, 'vacant.'

Three cars sat in the gravel parking lot, all with out of state license plates.

I gave Jasper an appraising look as we crossed through parking lot, the gravel crunching beneath our feet.

"I can go in, I'll hold my breath," he said, staring straight ahead.

I nodded and we walked up to the door of the office.

"Wait," I said, catching his arm.

He paused and looked at me questioningly.

I reached up and pulled a few leaves and a twig out of his hair.

Jasper rolled his eyes and brushed a few out of mine as well.

"Ready?" he asked.

I gave a half smile. Asking if I was ready? It seemed like I should be asking him.

A bell over the door rang out as we stepped into the tobacco stained office. Everything, from the walls, to the windows, to the desk, to the large man sitting behind it, was covered in a yellow film of nicotine.

"Can I help you?" he grunted. The man was remarkably large, too big for his too small shirt. His hairy stomach stuck out from beneath his stained, white t-shirt. His black hair was greasy and combed over the top of his bald head. He reeked of Cheetos and cigarettes.

"Yes, we need a room," I said in my most professional voice.

"It's fifty dollars for the night, three-twenty five for the week, and" he said, his eyes traveling down my body, then darting over to Jasper, "Twenty bucks for an hour."

"One night will be sufficient," I said coolly.

Jasper shifted slightly and stared at the floor. I couldn't decide if he was battling against his instincts or if he was trying not to laugh. I couldn't imagine he was really feeling too much temptation. If I were to go for a human this one would probably be my last choice. All the same though, I shifted slightly towards Jasper and allowed my shoulder to press against his arm.

"Fifty then," the man said with a shrug. He stood up, and a cascade of crumbs showered from his lap. He stretched for a moment before reaching down and scratching his stomach.

"Oh that's attractive," I thought with revulsion.

Jasper coughed next to me, his jaw tightening.

"Room 12," he said, as he walked over and selected a key from the wall. "Cash or credit?"

"Cash," I said, digging through my bag and pulling out a fifty dollar bill.

He took the money and handed me the key.

I gave the most polite smile I could muster and thanked him before trooping through the doorway without any resistance from Jasper. Just as the door shut, the man issued a loud belch.

We'd barely turned the corner of the building when Jasper burst out laughing.

"I do believe we have found the only vampire proof human known to man!" he laughed. "Hey you know, maybe we could get a discount on the room. I don't mind surrendering you for the evening."

"That man was foul Jasper, absolutely, positively vile and disgusting," I said, my face contorting.

"I know, and you made no secret of that fact. I could feel it practically radiating off of you!" he said smugly.

"Oh yeah? Can you feel this radiating off of me?" I asked, darting my fist out and punching him in the arm with a loud boom from the impact. "Don't rub it, or you're a pansy!" I added.

Jasper laughed and shoved me back. "Thanks, Emmett!" he said sarcastically.

I grinned back as we walked up to a door with a peeling sticker with the number '12' on it.

We unlocked the door and stood in the doorway.

The room was cramped and dingy. A double bed took up the majority of the room, bumping up to a dresser with a TV sitting on top of it. A single chair sat in the corner beside a door that led to the bathroom, with a narrow space between that door and the bed.

"You want the first shower?" he offered.

"You can have it," I said, stepping inside and setting my bag down on the bed.

Jasper slid past me and set our bag on the floor. "Alright," he said, pulling his jacket off. He paused for a moment and stared at me. "You should call Charlie," he said, giving a sympathetic half smile.

I sighed. "I know," I said, grimacing. I sank into the chair and propped my head up with my hand.

I felt guilty at the thought of Charlie worrying about me. It was one thing for him to worry about me when I was at home, but it was another thing entirely for him to worry about me after disappearing without notice like this. I suddenly realized it was likely that Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and even possibly Rosalie were worried about me as well. I suddenly felt very selfish.

Jasper nodded once before bending over and fishing out a fresh change of clothes. He slid between the bed and dresser and paused in the doorway of the bathroom. "You can call Carlisle too if you want," he said quietly. He turned his head slightly. I could see a soft smile playing across his lips.

I smiled uncertainly at Jasper's back. Was I always this easy to read?

Jasper closed the door behind him and turned on the shower.

I sighed deeply and stood up and retrieved my cell phone from my pocket. I plunked back down into the chair and stared at the phone before shaking my head and turning it on. A moment later it beeped loudly. Apparently I had twenty new messages.

"They're probably all from Charlie," I thought, sighing. I opted to forego checking them; I could guess what they'd say.

I hit speed dial for Charlie.

After five rings he finally picked up, dropping the phone in the process.

"Hul—Hello?" Charlie said hoarsely.

I cursed myself for not considering the time difference.

"Dad," I said quietly.

"Bella? Bella?! Are you okay?!" he exclaimed in a panic.

"I'm fine Dad. I'm sorry for worrying you, for up and leaving," I said in a guilty tone of voice.

"Bells, how could you do this? How could you leave without telling me? Everyone's been worried sick! You should have seen Carlisle when he came over and told me. I think it's the first time I've seen him shaken since the car accident," he said, his words twisting like a knife in my chest for more than one reason. I stood up and began to pace in the small space between the bed and the dresser.

"Dad I had to, I just—I," I stuttered, sighing and giving up.

Charlie paused for a moment as well.

I could hear his pulse slowing as he calmed down. "Where are you?"

It occurred to me that I didn't really know myself, so I gave the best guess I had. "Iowa," I said simply.

"Iowa?" he said curiously. "What's in Iowa?"

"Corn?" I suggested weakly.

Charlie chuckled.

"We're sort of backpacking. Sort of," I said awkwardly.

"You know I never thought you'd get into camping as much as the rest of the Cullens, but I stand corrected."

I chuckled once and threw myself into the chair in the corner. "Yeah, I've definitely become more outdoorsy," I said, shaking my head.

I could hear Jasper laughing in the shower.

"How long are you going to be gone, Bella?"

"Um…" I hadn't the first clue. "I don't know Dad, we're sort of playing things by ear right now."

There was a long pause. I could Charlie open his mouth and close it several times.

"How's Jasper?" he asked finally.

"Better," I admitted.

"Are you staying out of trouble?" he asked uncertainly.

"We're certainly trying to," I said, rolling my eyes as I recalled the high speed chase in a car that I had stolen.

Jasper laughed again from the bathroom.

"Have you talked to Mom?" I asked, suddenly feeling panicked. With that many messages, that could easily be my mother leaving emotionally distraught voicemails. I could almost hear them now.

"Well I said you went on a trip, left it at that," Charlie said, clearing his throat. "She seemed happy that you're getting out of the house, though I might get in contact with her at some point in the near future, maybe just a postcard or something," he added. He cleared his throat expectantly.

"At some point," I echoed. I didn't need to do that tonight. "Thanks Dad," I added.

"Er, not a problem Bella," he said with a yawn.

"I'm sorry for waking you up Dad, you should go back to bed," I said apologetically.

"I might," he said in a tired voice. "I'm glad you're okay Bells. Don't get into any trouble."

"Okay Dad," I said, rolling my eyes. Technically speaking, Jasper and I were currently on the lam.

"I love you Bella," he said, his voice suddenly becoming very serious.

I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. "I love you too, Dad."

We said goodbye and I snapped the phone shut.

I hunched over in the seat, pinching the bridge of my nose. I sighed deeply. "One down, one to go," I said aloud, hitting Carlisle's speed dial.

The phone rang twice before someone picked up.

"Bella?" Carlisle answered uncertainly.

I held my breath for a moment before letting it out. "Hi Carlisle," I said, sitting up in the seat.

"Bella, how are you?" he asked, breathing a sigh of relief.

"I'm fine," I said quietly.

The shower turned off, I could hear the shower curtain being pulled aside.

"We're both fine," I added.

"You managed to get him out of San Antonio?"

"Not without incident, but yes. Out of Texas for that matter; I think we're in Iowa, but I'm not sure."

"Has there been any sort of transition?" Carlisle said delicately.

"We're working on that, but no slips since I found him."

"That's good to hear. I know this can't be easy for either of you," he said sympathetically.

"It's not," I said, listening to Jasper as he paused in the bathroom. "But it's worth it," I said, smiling at the door.

I could almost see Jasper returning a shy, pleased smile.

"I'm sorry for leaving like we did," I said, my smile faltering.

"Bella, you did what you felt was right, and given that it saved Jasper, I can't find fault in what you've done."

The calming voice of my surrogate father eased my guilt slightly.

"How is everyone?" I asked.

"Esme has been concerned of course, but certainly understands. Emmett seems to be feeling asthough he's lost his playmate, though I think he'll survive. He's engaged in his usual distractions. And Rosalie," he said, pausing, "Rosalie has noted your absence on more than one occasion," he said, a smile in his voice.

I snorted. I could hear Jasper chortling from behind the door.

"Where will you go?" Carlisle inquired.

"We're headed for New York, and then the plan is to hop a plane to somewhere. We haven't really figured everything out yet."

"You have the funds at your disposal," Carlisle said simply.

"Well I took a few thousand in cash with me," I said quickly, interpreting his statement as a question.

"No, I mean I've made a deposit into both yours and Jasper's accounts, should you find you are in need of funds."

I was speechless. I didn't know whether to thank him or argue that it wasn't necessary.

After a moment the bathroom door opened, the humidity from the shower came pouring out. Jasper stepped out dressed in a cream colored t-shirt and jeans. He raised his eyebrows and I felt my tension melt away.

I sighed. "Thank you Carlisle. I don't know if that will be necessary, but it's good to know it's available."

Jasper gave a single wave and threw himself onto the bed.

"Jasper sends his love," I added.

"And we send ours. Take care of each other," Carlisle said warmly.

"We will Carlisle," I said quietly, "Bye."

"Until we hear from you next, goodbye Bella," he replied.

I closed the phone and sat back in the chair. I felt a lump rise in the back of my throat. I felt terrible for putting my family through all of this. More than that, the guilt I hadn't allowed myself to feel for the years of worry I'd put them through after the murders was now starting to make itself known. I felt a sob well up inside me. I bit my lip and swallowed, trying to force it down.

"Bella," Jasper said, reaching out to me. "Come here."

"But I'll get you dirty," I said in a small, child-like voice.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Bella, get over here!"

I crawled onto the bed next to him and let him put his arm around me.

"Bella, Carlisle meant what he said. You did what you thought was the right thing to do at the time. He would never lie to you about that."

I nodded.

"Do you regret doing it?"

I sat up and looked at him, frowning. "I don't regret any part of coming for you."

"And coming away with me?"

I leaned back against his shoulder. "I only regret having made them worry."

"Is that the only reason why you feel guilty?" he asked, looking down into my eyes.

"No," I said cautiously. I couldn't fathom telling Jasper the truth of what I'd done for the past five years. Somehow confessing my non-existence felt so shameful, and I wasn't at all sure how he'd react. I didn't want him to look at me with the same cautious look everyone else had given me.

"But you're not going to tell me the other reason or reasons," he concluded.

I nodded again into his chest.

Jasper sighed. "Do you want to go home? I'll go back with you."

I considered it for moment. Besides family, what awaited me back home? I couldn't think of anything. Even my shelf didn't hold the same appeal it had held in weeks previous.

I looked up and met his eyes. "No, I want to stay out here with you. I want to keep going." I said finally.

"Okay," he said, his eyes searching my own. "We'll keep going."


	17. Chapter 17: In Remembrance

Chapter 17

I emerged from the shower, my head feeling clearer and my body more relaxed. I could hear Jasper watching the local news on the TV. I dressed quickly and opened the bathroom door, a cloud of steam wafting around me.

"Feel better?" Jasper asked from his lying position on the bed, the remote strung across the room on a cord connected to the TV.

I smiled and nodded. "Did we make the news?" I asked sitting down next to him on the bed.

"As a matter of fact we did," Jasper said, laughing darkly.

"How bad?" I asked, suddenly anxious, the relief of the shower now forgotten.

"Relax," he said soothingly. "We're headline news, but they don't have the first inkling who we are. No description of the suspects, not even genders," Jasper said, reaching up and squeezing my arm. "We ran so far, hounds couldn't follow us."

I looked down and smiled faintly.

"Why are you anxious?" he asked, concerned.

"I just don't want anything to happen where our troubles lead back to Forks, or you and me becoming separated."

"Bella, nothing's going to happen," Jasper said, locking his eyes on mine. "And nothing is going to separate us."

I felt a wave of comfort wash over me, and I exhaled slowly as I relaxed.

A meteorologist in a pinstripe suit awkwardly gestured towards the screen behind him.

"Bad luck for Iowans, looks like this cold front will be bringing us sleet and a chance for snow," he said, as animated snowflakes flashed across the screen.

"Looks like good luck for us though," I commented.

"Indeed," Jasper replied, scooting over in the bed. "Then again, we're not Iowans."

"This is true," I said with a laugh.

There was a long pause. Jasper's brow furrowed and frowned as he looked down at his hands. "I wanted to apologize and well, thank you for stopping me last night. I wasn't prepared for fresh blood, and I'm sorry it led to—"

"Jasper, hush," I said, rolling my eyes. I met his nervous expression with a reassuring smile. "I'm just sorry I had to throw you through a window."

"You're some kind of hero, always saving me," Jasper said, giving me a smile, his dimples showing.

"_What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" Edward asked, giving a coy smile._

_I dropped my eyes. "Oh, I see." Things suddenly began to make sense._

"_Do you?" he asked, his expression suddenly becoming quite serious, as if he'd said too much._

"_You're dangerous?" I guessed. I became suddenly aware of the truth in those words, my pulse quickened at this realization._

_The look he gave me was so cryptic. It was as if he were trying to tell me things that I could not and should not know. I didn't know at the time he was convinced I'd found him out, or at least finally realized the danger he posed to me, that I would want to run away; moreover if I were to run away, he wanted more than anything to tell me he loved me._

"_But not bad," I said quietly with a shake of my head. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."_

"What was that?" Jasper asked, propping his head up on his elbow.

"What?" I asked, refocusing my eyes.

"What were you just thinking about?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"Oh nothing really," I said turning and sitting Indian-style on the bed.

"No, it was definitely something. I felt that. It was just…" he said trailing off as he searched for the words, "a flicker. It was the slightest flicker of emotion. It was wistful, sad, guilt, shame, pain, but at the same time fondness and love."

I avoided eye contact and chose to look at the TV instead.

A voiceover on a commercial shouted about the upcoming sales on "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!"

The screen suddenly went blank.

"Bella?"

I continued to stare at the dark screen.

Jasper sat up and knelt on the bed in front of me. "Bella?" he repeated expectantly.

I sighed deeply and dragged my eyes to meet his. "You said something that reminded me of Edward, that's all," I said shrugging.

"Is that what you think about when I'm hunting? It's almost the exact same feeling I get from you when I find you afterwards."

"Usually," I admitted.

He gave me a sad smile.

"Bella," he began hesitantly. "What happened after I left?"

"Don't make me tell you," I said, casting my eyes down in pain.

"Please," he asked in a soft voice. He reached forward and squeezed my shoulder.

I looked up and found his face closer to mine than I'd anticipated.

Staring into his eyes I could almost hear him reassuring me, and urging me at the same time.

I gave a frustrated huff and nodded.

My eyes zoned out, and I was in the cemetery. Two handsome urns sat on top of a table covered in a black velvet tablecloth. Reverend Weber stood at the front and said words like loss, family, and eternal life. With each passing phrase, I found myself less and less assured of a loving God, and more and more convinced that my weakness lead to the deaths of two people whom I loved.

I was barely present. I was practically drowning in the numbness that had enveloped me.

Nearly the entire town had shown. Even people like Mike Newton had come back with his fiancée from Seattle, and Ben Cheney, who had driven up from Portland. He had brought condolences from Angela, who was studying abroad for a semester. Even the wolf pack had been present, of course excluding Jacob, not that he had been a part of the pack since I'd changed. My mom and Phil were there, next to Charlie. Tanya's coven had come. Really, nearly everyone who'd been to the wedding only two years before was present.

It was raining. Not unusual for Forks, but a fortunate fact all the same, given the amount of vampires present. It was fitting too, given the circumstances. The rain dripped down off the tent the family sat under, along with Reverend Weber and the urns. The rest of the town huddled beneath umbrellas; from underneath those I could hear murmurs of what a shame it was for them to have died so young.

The story was there'd been a car accident. Emmett and Carlisle had wrecked and destroyed Alice's Porsche, leaving the burnt out frame of the car. Charlie had determined through his investigation that speed had been the main factor in the crash. Carlisle made arrangements for a "private medical exam," essentially creating false paperwork to satisfy all the red tape of the situation. He'd also gone to the trouble of falsifying documents verifying a cremation had taken place. Charlie reaffirmed the suspicions that he knew something was different about the Cullens, and about me, when he overlooked the obvious facts, like how a car fire could not possibly have completely destroyed two bodies. In reality, there'd been no bodies to examine, no bodies to cremate. But there were ashes, Seth took care of those. He went back and collected them for us.

Esme and Rosalie dressed me and made me look presentable. What I wore, I had no idea, but it was probably black, and probably something Alice had bought for me. They sat me before the vanity as they brushed my hair and put on my jewelry. Rosalie even commented on how pretty I looked. That day they kept whispering over me that they would help me, that we would get through this day together as a family. And we did.

I sat in the front row, between Esme and Emmett as Carlisle and Charlie gave the eulogies; Carlisle for Edward, and by request, Charlie for Alice.

Carlisle was painfully eloquent, speaking of Edward's best qualities. He spoke of Edward's talent for music and languages, his intelligence and the wisdom that surpassed his years (all of 108 of them.) He spoke Edward's ability to understand those around him, and commended him for his compassion for those in pain and a genuine desire to see a just world. Carlisle spoke of chess games and long discussions about medical research. He spoke of boating trips off the coast of Brazil, and though it was little known to the humans around us, he spoke affectionately of Edward's athletic prowess, playing baseball. Carlisle spoke of a son, companion, friend, and confidant. But mostly he spoke of the man Edward became when he fell in love with me; how a boy became a man seemingly overnight, and became my friend, my love, my protector and soul mate.

Charlie spoke of Alice's wit, resourcefulness, and uncanny ability to anticipate the needs of others; her caring nature and tendency to brighten the room she walked into, leaving everyone around her charmed. He affectionately spoke of her passion for planning events, specifically mentioning the parties and the wedding she had put on, regardless of the level of enthusiasm on the part of the participants. Charlie also noted that he never saw her in the same outfit twice, and admitted that even he couldn't help but notice her zeal for fashion. He said that he never knew what to expect when she came over, he just knew she would have a plan and a wardrobe to accompany it. But above all things he was the most touched by Alice's devotion to her family and the love, support and commitment she showed for Jasper. Her loyalty to those whom she loved was a shining example of how we should all honor our loved ones.

Both Carlisle and Charlie spoke of the loss to Jasper and me. All eyes turned to me and the empty seat next to Rosalie. No one had expected him to show, but out of respect the seat in the front row remained vacant all the same.

The service ended, and Emmett and Esme rose, each placing a hand beneath my elbow and gently lifting me to my feet. With them on either side of me, the two supported my weight, making it look as if I were walking on my own. Emmett had pretended to hug me as he gently set me down in the car. I leaned against Rosalie, who put her arm around me and patted my shoulder. Carlisle climbed into the driver's seat, glancing at me in the rearview mirror for a moment. I whispered a thank you before I allowed myself disappear into my mind.

The rain began to pick up as we made our way down the winding driveway. It was only a few minutes later that the guests started to arrive. Everyone came to the house after the memorial service. Looking back I could almost laugh at the circumstances. The women of town bustled around the house, setting out all the dishes people had brought. Casseroles, bunt cakes, Jell-o salads, several varieties of spaghetti, along with several other dishes were laid out on Esme's enormous dining room table.

People milled around talking in hushed tones. I didn't move from my place on the piano bench where Emmett and Rosalie had set me. They'd hesitated, Emmett suggesting the couch, but my hand twitched towards the bench, so they set me down, Emmett taking a seat next to me on the floor. He pretended to be interested in the game that had been turned on for background noise, but in reality he was simply discouraging people from interacting with me, deflecting people from trying to engage me in conversations I couldn't possibly carry. Occasionally he'd look up at me, as if he were trying to tell me something, but the words always failed him, until finally he settled for resting his head against my knee and squeezing my calf.

After a few hours plates of food were frozen in individual servings and frozen so the Cullens wouldn't go hungry. The kitchen and dining room were cleaned, the dishes washed and put away; one less worry for Esme. People filed past the family, repeating their condolences, well wishes, and 'if there's anything I can do's.'

And then everyone left.

"And then the next five years followed," I concluded, looking up and meeting Jasper's gaze.

Jasper let out a breath of air he'd been holding. "The next five years," he repeated. He ran a hand through his hair and then lay back against the pillows and stared at the ceiling. "What did you do with that time?"

I tensed and locked my jaw, breaking my gaze from his face and stared down at my hands.

"And that would be the topic you've been trying to avoid for the past few weeks," Jasper said quietly.

I nodded.

"Why?"

I closed my eyes as they stung with the echo of tears that would never fall.

"Bella," Jasper said gently.

I looked up and saw he was propped up on an elbow, giving me sad, imploring look.

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.

"Come on Bella," he said in a deep voice. His tone was so familiar, so smooth, and I found myself giving over to him. "What did you do for five years?"

I opened my eyes and shakily exhaled. I turned and lay down next to him, laying flat on my back and joining Jasper in staring at the ceiling.

"Nothing," I said simply.

"Nothing?" he asked me, turning his head and looking at me.

"Nothing," I replied, shrugging.

"You had to have done something," he said, frowning.

"When everyone left the reception, I stood up, shocking the hell out of the family. It was the first movement I'd done completely on my own without encouragement since the fire. I walked up the stairs and went into my bedroom. I climbed the bookshelf nearest to the window, and I sat there for five years," I said matter-of-factly.

"So you really did nothing," Jasper said, his frown melting into a sad expression.

"Yep," I said, emphasizing the 'p.'

"So why all the guilt?"

"Because of what it did to everyone else," I replied. "I know that I put the family through so much grief. As if dealing with the loss of Edward and Alice wasn't enough, they had to deal with my disappearing into my own mind," I said, shaking my head. "And I'm not exactly keeping my promise to Edward."

"What promise?" Jasper asked curiously.

"Before the fight, Edward made me promise that I'd live, and go on. Sitting on a shelf without moving for weeks at a time and allowing dust to settle on me isn't exactly going on," I said, wincing at myself.

"I didn't know you'd promised that."

"No one else does," I replied quietly.

There was a pause and I gave a frustrated sigh. I didn't like the fact that I'd spilled my guts to Jasper. Still, it felt like something I needed to do, something I had to do.

I turned my head and looked at Jasper. "What about you? Five years is a long time."

Jasper returned his eyes to the ceiling. "Oh I killed a bunch of people," he said, watching me from his periphery.

"Yeah," I said, turning back and facing the ceiling.

After a few minutes of silence between us he sighed. "It wasn't painless for me," he said finally.

"I never thought it was."

After a beat I began to feel the softest wave of sadness trickle over me. Jasper was hurting.

I turned on my side and rested my hand on his bicep and gave it a squeeze.

He reached up and rested his hand on mine.

"It was just easier with time," he said, squeezing my fingers. "I drove until I ran out of gas. Then I ran until I crossed the first human that smelled even remotely appealing. Then it kept happening. It was only after I crossed into Texas that I even consciously realized that I was heading south. In hindsight, I guess it's a small miracle that I ran into Peter and Charlotte." He turned and faced me, his hand still resting on mine. "They hardly recognized me Bella, the way I looked, the way I was acting. I encountered them mid-hunt. At that point I still had the presence of mind to control myself," he said, his hand sliding past my wrist, up to my forearm. He ran his thumb over the healed, raised white bite mark he'd given me. "They asked me how Alice was doing and I bolted. After that I just… gave into the monster within, and the hunt consumed me. It became my only focus, thought, and motivation." He reached over and swept a lock of hair out of my face. "Until you found me, I hadn't spoken to anyone since Peter and Charlotte, unless I was hunting them. Almost five years."

Jasper's eyes were tightened in pain, as he cast them down in shame. "When I hunted men I never said a word. I just simply did it. There was nothing special about it, no real ritual to it. But with the women…" he said, his voice trailing off. "With the women, it was different. I'd allow myself to savor the hunt. I'd pick her out of the crowd in a bar, someone who wanted to be chosen, needed to be chosen by a good looking man, someone seeking validation, a stroke to their ego. I'd allow her to see she'd caught my eye. I'd spend hours building up her interest and her confidence, playing a game of children, cattily flirting with one another, before I finally approached her. I'd ask her to leave with me, and we would disappear to somewhere secluded, and I would tell her I wanted her. And she would think I meant something completely different, naturally, and would lean forward to kiss or touch me. No sooner would she have done this when she'd find out the true meaning of those words and I'd sink my teeth into her throat," he said, his was voice thick with guilt. "I made it so that their last moments were as terrifying as possible."

I didn't know quite what to say, torn between an ache from within, wanting to take away Jasper's pain, and the horror of realizing exactly what had happened to the women he'd hunted. How easily could that have been me when I was still just a fragile human?

Yet it was our nature, even if we chose not to live that way. Moreover, Jasper was the only member of the Cullen family who hadn't been raised to respect human life by resisting the urge to hunt them. Somehow I couldn't fault him for who we were by instinct, and who he was trying so hard to become now that he'd chosen again to live a life of denial by resisting human blood.

Jasper could not meet my eyes, the guilt and sorrow now coming off of him in heavy waves that nearly drove me to a dark place of my very own. I struggled to define my own emotions.

"You've changed," I said softly, my fingertips tracing down his arm.

Jasper snorted. "It doesn't change the things I've done."

I reached forward and tilted his chin up.

Reluctantly he met my eyes.

"Things happened," I said simply. I gave a sympathetic smile and felt the warmth of it fill me.

The pain in his expression all but disappeared as he gave me a small smile in return.

"Always so accepting when you probably shouldn't be," he said, shaking his head a little.

I chuckled. "You sound like your brother."

Jasper grinned. "He was a smart guy." His smile softened slightly. "I miss him a lot."

"Me too," I said, nodding, "Alice too."

"Yeah," he said, sitting up, "a lot."

A thought occurred to me just then. "I can't believe I didn't remember this earlier," I cried, sitting up and leaping out of the bed in one fluid motion.

Jasper stared at me with a shocked expression on his face, his hand now resting on his arm, where my hand had been. "What?"

"Hang on," I said, as I bent over the duffle bag and fished through it, retrieving two small, dark blue velvet pouches.

Jasper looked at me curiously.

My smile vanished, my expression becoming very serious. It set in rather suddenly what I was about to give him.

Jasper's brow creased at my reaction.

"Jasper, after the fire Seth Clearwater went back to collect the ashes for the urns. While he was doing that, he came across these and brought them back," I said, loosening the drawstrings on the bags. "Rosalie had them put onto chains. One for me, and one for you," I said, tipping the bags and pouring out two necklaces into my hand.

I held out the gold chain meant for him. From it hung a perfectly delicate, thin gold band with "Two Futures as One," engraved on the inside. It was Alice's wedding ring.

Jasper's jaw dropped slightly, his eyes filling with sadness, his body radiating with the sense of loss I was feeling as well.

I dropped the necklace into his hand, quietly waiting, giving him a moment to absorb his own thoughts and the shock of receiving something I was sure he'd assumed had been lost forever.

I had thought the same thing when Rosalie gave them too me.

_Rosalie timidly walked into the room, a stack of books tucked under her arm._

"_Bella?" she asked hesitantly._

_I looked down at her from the bookshelf._

"_I have something for you," she said hopefully._

_I looked down at the books under her arms. Meville. "Moby Dick" held little to interest for me, but then again, what did? She had brought a few other classics as well._

_Her eyes followed mine as she glanced at the books as well. "Oh, well, yes, books too, but no, that's not what I'm talking about."_

_She bent over and set the books down on the floor next to a growing stack of books in front of the bookshelf._

_I idly wondered how long it would take before she'd give up her attempt to distract me with literature._

_She shifted her weight and fished around in the pocket of her coat and produced two small navy blue velvet bags, the sort that you get from a jewelry store. She looked up at me uncertainly. "Won't you come down?"_

_I sighed, and inwardly felt my stomach clench and unclench, as I steadied myself, attempting to focus my mind only on this moment, and nothing else. I jumped the nine feet down to the floor and straightened myself. A cloud of dust floated around me, a reminder of how long I'd been sitting up there. It must have been at least 3 weeks now._

"_I um, well, not I, but Seth when he went to where it, you know, happened, when he well…" Rosalie rambled, "When he went back, he found these." She opened one the bag and pulled out a chain, at the end of the chain hung a very familiar object, Edward's wedding ring._

_I stared at it for a moment, saying nothing. Then I blinked, the reality setting in. It wasn't gone. I had thought… well I had thought it had been destroyed in the fire, but here it was. A token of our love, and it endured flame, and death. I blinked again in disbelief._

"_I put it on a chain, so you could wear it if you wanted. I thought it would nice, I guess. I did the same for Jasper, for Alice's ring…" she said her voice trailing off. She looked uncomfortable as the ring swung back and forth from the chain._

"_It's wonderful," I said quietly. "Thank you so much Rosalie. You can't know what this means to me."_

_She held it out to me nervously._

_I reached forward and took the chain._

"_Do you want to hold onto Alice's?" she asked, offering the other bag to me._

"_Yeah, I'll keep it for now," I said, taking it._

_Rosalie nodded, and turned to walk out of the room._

"_He'll be home soon," she said hopefully._

"_Yeah, soon," I replied._

_Rosalie shut the door behind her._

_I stared at the door for a moment then looked back at the ring in my hand. A flood of emotions poured through me. The still recently erected walls came crashing down, and I found myself nearly crippled by the weight of my own emotions. My guilt, my grief, my sadness, my anger, my hurt, my love, all of it nearly brought me to my knees. I looked over my shoulder desperately at my bookshelf, then back at the ring in my hands._

_I could not look at this day in and day out. I stuffed it back into the pouch Rosalie had brought it in and wildly looked around my room for a place to hide these. My eyes fell upon my dresser. I crossed the room in two rapid strides and opened the drawer. It was filled with socks and what one would expect to find in the Cullen household, nearly wrapped stacks of cash. I stuck the bags under the pile of money and shut the drawer quickly._

_I gasped again, as I felt a wave of my pain break over me. I crossed back across the room, and in a single bound pulled myself up to the top of my bookshelf. I pulled one knee to my chest and buried my face into it._

_I just had to breathe. I just had to breathe, and push it all away. I just had to breathe and go back, back in my mind, to a time when family was whole, and Edward was by my side._

I looked down at the ring now sitting in my hand. It was a band of white gold, hanging from a chain made of white gold as well. Edward's ring was wide, and had an opaque luster to it. It was heavy and smooth and curved inwards towards the inside of the ring. Engraved on the inside of the band were the words, "Until the End of Time."

I smiled sadly at these words. Our time had run out.

"Bella, thank you so much for bringing this with you, this…" he said, struggling to find the words. "This means the world to me. Really and truly," he said, staring up at me.

"I'm glad," I said, a small, sad smile playing across my lips.

I turned and lay on my back next to Jasper. I stared up at the ceiling as I ran my finger around the rim of Edward's ring with my finger as it rested on my chest.

Jasper sighed beside me as he mirrored me, playing with the ring in his hand.

I closed my eyes, and went back in my mind to the transformed Cullen living room, where the air smelled of orange blossoms. And though it was filled with family and friends, the only person who existed in my world was the boy, with the bronze hair and golden eyes who had changed my entire life, watching me make my way down the aisle; the boy who vowed to love me until the end of time.


	18. Chapter 18: Secrets

Chapter 18

"Bella?" Jasper asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I was lost in memories of my wedding as I sorted through the clothes I had hastily stuffed into our duffle bag.

"Jasper?" I replied, looking up.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pull you away from...wherever," he said with a shrug, and his forehead creased.

"You're fine," I said, giving a reassuring smile.

Jasper paused for a moment, a look of confusion washing over his face, but he quickly recovered. "What made you think to bring these with you?" he asked, patting the ring hanging around his neck.

"Well I couldn't bring myself to really possess things that had been with them through their last…well, until the very end," I stammered. "So I kept them in the top drawer of my dresser. I came across them when I was getting ready to leave town with everyone for San Antonio and I thought maybe if we couldn't convince you to come back with us, I could still at least give the ring to you. And maybe if you paused long enough to look at it, you might pause long enough to rethink the whole gorge and carnage thing in Texas. Even if you hadn't, it was really important to me that I got this to you." I paused for a moment before tossing aside a dirty shirt. "Saving you was the main objective though."

"Looks like your plan worked," Jasper said, pursing his lips.

"Not exactly how I pictured it," I said with a single chuckle and a shake of my head.

"If there's anything that I can take away from this experience, it is that nothing ever is," he said, a note bitterness playing in his voice. He stood up grabbed the remote and towed it back to the bed. He looked down at the cord connected to it in disgust before he turned on the TV.

I continued to separate dirty clothes from clean, the pile of the former significantly larger than that of the latter. We would need to find a place to do laundry soon, unless we decided to just buy more clothes with the money Carlisle had supplied us. The idea of doing laundry made me smile. Alice's shopping habits kept us clothed in new clothing at all times. Nothing was ever worn more than once, a fact that greatly benefited Forks' Goodwill store. The need to wash clothes was just never there, so the idea of a Cullen washing clothes greatly amused me.

As I shook out one of Jasper's button up shirts, the ring around my neck jingled lightly. I sighed quietly as memories of my wedding returned. The soft light, the flowers, his honey colored eyes shining as I came down the steps. Those steps! With those heels! Alice's enthusiasm had tested my balance and luck while I made my way down the grand staircase in the Cullen house. Like so many things that day, she'd insisted the heels were absolutely necessary. I questioned her logic, not to mention sanity, but that was Alice, and Alice was always enthusiastic about special occasions.

A thought occurred to me, interrupting my memories.

"Jasper, what was your wedding like?" I asked, looking up at him as he sat on the edge of the bed flicking through the four channels we had available to us.

He paused on a soap opera and chuckled as the young ingénue tumbled down a well. "Our wedding was really simple."

I gave him an incredulous look.

"No really, it was. We were already on our way to find the Cullens, but we stopped in a little town in Tennessee, and Alice loved how picturesque it was. She proclaimed it was where we were meant to be married, and we found a tiny church on the outskirts of town. We convinced the pastor to marry us, and the church secretary was our only witness. It was perfect."

"It sounds beautiful, but…" I said, trailing off.

"But rather tame for Alice?" he supplied with a smirk. "Keep in mind she wasn't as attuned to things like the stock market at the time. Her main focuses included the Cullens and me, so we were penniless. It was what we could afford. Moreover, it was part of her vision. Even back then I knew to trust her visions. But she made up for the simplicity with our 30th anniversary," he said, laughing to himself. "That was beyond extravagant, not a single detail was overlooked, and by then she could even dance," he said mischievously.

"What do you mean, 'by then,'?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Jasper gave me a guilty smile as I sat down on the bed, abandoning the clothes I'd been folding on the floor.

"Well I suppose she can't be mad at me for telling you this, but Alice wasn't always the most graceful dancer," he said with a smug grin.

"Wait Alice, our Alice, the one who put Grace Kelly to shame at our high school prom?" I asked, shocked. Images of my best friend and sister-in-law, in her normal style of walking, practically dancing from room to room in our house, went through my mind.

'Look what I bought at the store today!' prance, prance, prance. 'I have the best idea—and don't bother trying to squirm out of it, I already know you're all going to say yes!' prance, prance, prance. 'I'm going to kill those idiotic werewolves for cutting off my vision!' prance, prance, prance.

I stifled a giggle. How could there ever have been a time when she wasn't the pinnacle of grace?

"Alice became a fantastic dancer, absolutely, but it was only after years of practice with a superb lead," Jasper said with a proud smile.

I stared at him blankly.

"Me!" he said in a resentful tone.

"Oh," I said, understanding dawning on me.

"Jeez!" Jasper said with a roll of his eyes, seizing a pillow from beside him and throwing it at me.

I caught it and chuckled. "Sorry," I said. I smiled thoughtfully. "I can't believe I never knew that about her."

"Yes, I suppose there's always something new to learn about someone, even when you've known them for years," he said with a small smile and a shrug.

"Okay then," I said eagerly, sitting crossed legged.

"Okay then, what?"

"Well, what's something I don't know about you?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know. My favorite color is blue?" he suggested, shrugging dismissively.

"No!" I protested. "Besides, I already knew that. I mean something real, something that, I don't know, means something," I said, struggling to express myself.

"Something real," he murmured. He jumped up and began to pace slowly up and down between the bed and the window. A crease appeared between his eyebrows, and he stroked his chin thoughtfully. Finally he shook his head and looked at me. "I can't think of anything. You go first," he said with a shake of his head.

"No fair! I asked first," I said, frowning.

"Well," he said exasperatedly, interlacing his fingers behind his head, "Give me an example of something real about Edward that I didn't know."

"But you knew him longer than I did," I sighed.

"There had to be something, many things, I didn't know about him," he urged.

What on earth could Jasper, Edward's brother and friend for over 50 years not know about him? In a house with few, if any secrets, how could there be anything left to tell?

I pondered that for a moment while Jasper watched me.

What was something Edward would purposely avoid telling Jasper?

Jasper's eyes, alight with curiosity, focused on me as they scrutinized my emotions, waiting for them to give me away.

And then the thought dawned on me.

Interest flickered on Jasper's face, recognizing the change within me.

"I've got it," I said quietly. I bit my bottom lip, suddenly worried I'd somehow tarnish Edward's memory by telling the secret.

"What is it?" Jasper asked, sitting down and sliding closer to me.

I sighed, deciding Edward wouldn't have been but so upset. "Edward was always very, uh," I trailed off, trying to choose the best word for the emotion, "very envious of you," I said slowly.

Jasper's eyebrows went up in surprise.

"Your ability to read emotions," I explained. "It made you one step closer to reading my thoughts. And reading my mind, it was something he would have traded almost anything in the world for, and because you had a better sense of my thoughts through my emotions, he was always a little jealous of you," I said smiling to myself at the thought of my beautiful husband's frustrated expression as he asked me for the millionth time, 'What are you thinking?'

Jasper pursed his lips and his eyes dropped.

I stared at his face for a moment before reaching out and touching his knee. "Jasper?"

Jasper looked up, his eyes troubled.

"I didn't tell you that to make you feel guilty. Edward loved you."

"I know," he said, his eyes full of regret. "But I've got to admit, I never knew that about him," he said with a shake of his head.

I cocked my head to the side and waited.

Jasper continued to stare down at his lap, deep in thought.

I began to regret telling him something so serious. After all, the secret about Alice had been lighthearted, silly even.

I sighed and looked down at my lap. Maybe sharing secrets wasn't such a good idea after all.

"It's fine," Jasper said quietly.

I looked up saw Jasper staring off into nothing. I gave a half smile and took in a deep breath.

A small wave of warmth coming from the window caught my attention. I crawled across the bed and got up, walking over to it. The dusty, yellowed curtains were faintly illuminated by the mid-morning sun. Having heard no one move around outside, I opened the curtains without fear of being seen.

The morning sun poured in through the small window. Clouds ringed the sky, heavy with the forecasted sleet and snow. Still, the sun shone with resilience, at least for the time being. It warmed my body, and I felt almost human for a moment. The sun's rays turned me into a kaleidoscope of color, the hues changing with every minute movement of my body.

I turned and saw Jasper watching me. I smiled and felt the warmth of it returned to me in a wave of contentment as Jasper returned my smile.

The sun's rays shone down on the end of the bed.

Jasper laid his head down at the foot of the bed, propping his bare feet on the pillows, and lay down directly in the sunlight. The sun set his face, neck, and arms to sparkling.

I backed away from the window and sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at him. I watched his face. The light reflected the blond of his hair, casting his face in a golden glow. His dark brown eyes had flecks of deep gold. His jaw tightened and relaxed, his gaze cast downwards.

I followed his eyes and saw they were staring at my sparkling hands. I flexed my hands, causing the pattern of light to dance and change.

He looked up and met my eyes. "I've got mine," he said seriously.

I pulled a leg underneath me, and watched as his eyes returned to my hands.

He reached forward and took one, interlacing our fingers. He swallowed hard and stared down at our hands with a determined expression. "Edward was not the only one who wanted to kill you when you first came to Forks," he confessed. He met my eyes nervously. "After we comprehended the risk you potentially posed to our family, I decided I had to kill you to protect us."

I raised my eyebrows in shock. This was definitely something I hadn't known.

"Actually, after Rosalie found out, she wanted in too," he said, laughing darkly.

"Now that doesn't surprise me in the least," I thought wryly.

Jasper chuckled at the change in my emotions.

"How were you going to do it?" I asked.

Jasper's smile vanished and he cautiously met my eyes. "Why does that matter?"

I shrugged. "I'm just curious."

Jasper resumed staring at our hands, turning them over and examining the pattern of color the sunlight created. "Originally the idea was to suffocate you in your sleep, but after several stunning displays of your human grace, the plan was to make it look like an accident, like you'd tripped and broken your neck," he said with a grimace. "After all, it seemed plausible," he said with a small smile.

I snorted.

"I thought Edward was going to tear me apart on the spot when he found out. You know that was the day he also found out about Alice's visions of you, the ones of you becoming a vampire and a part of the family," he said, meeting my eyes.

"He should have known better than to try and outwit fate," I said with a grin.

"He eventually figured out that it was useless to bet against Alice," Jasper said with a sly smile. "Then again, I think after the number of near death experiences you had, becoming a vampire became the only viable way of keeping you around."

"Yeah, becoming a vampire saved my life," I chuckled.

"Oh absolutely," he laughed.

"And here I am, Isabella Cullen, perpetually still of heart and forever 19 years old," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Do you regret it?" he asked seriously.

I locked eyes with him. "Not for a minute." After a moment I sighed. "Well I guess I could have done without the process of becoming one." My eyes lit up as my secret came to me. "Wait, that's my mine!"

"What?" he frowned, confused.

"I've never told anyone this before, not even Edward," I said, leaning on my elbow.

Jasper sat up a little, putting an arm behind his head and looking eager.

"The morphine only lessened the pain of his bite, his teeth piercing my skin, but it did nothing to dull the burning. In fact it probably made things worse, because I couldn't expel that pain by thrashing around or crying out. I was just paralyzed, sedated really, but completely aware of what was happening both within and around my body. I could hear everything around me. At one point Carlisle even commented to Edward how relaxed and comfortable I looked. I wanted to scream that the pain was driving me to brink of insanity, but I couldn't. In the end, the only thing that kept my mind intact was my heartbeat, I just kept counting it until it finally faded away all together," I said with a shudder.

Jasper looked at me, confused, "But you said that the morphine helped, that it didn't hurt very much at all," he said slowly.

"I lied," I said simply.

"But you're a terrible liar. At the very least I should have picked up on the lie."

"Well you had other things on your mind at the time, like making sure I was a well behaved, well controlled newborn," I said, pinching his arm playfully.

"That didn't take much effort," he said, rolling his eyes, and reaching up and pinching me back.

"Speak for yourself!" I huffed sarcastically.

"I was only speaking of effort on my part, not yours," he said apologetically, squeezing my hand and willing me to meet his eyes. "But for a newborn, you were very well behaved."

"Except for the Boy Scouts incident," I said, nodding my head.

"Well yes, keeping you from going after that troop of Scouts was quite the task."

"And the time I tried to escape the Volvo," I wrinkled my nose.

"Yes, that's where we learned that a human's scent can be potent and incredibly alluring, even at 120 miles per hour."

"And the time—" I began, frowning.

"Bella, you were by no means perfect, but you were absolutely better behaved than most, and you'll just have to take my word on that," Jasper interrupted with a chuckle.

I could hear the wind pick up outside.

The clouds must have shifted. The sunlight dimmed and became completely blotted out.

I looked over my shoulder and saw the sun had finally given in, and was now completely hidden behind ominous looking dark grey clouds. Overhead the first raindrops and bits of ice began to fall on the roof.

"So when should we leave?" I asked, turning back and facing Jasper.

"Let's stop in town and pick up some more clothes," he said, eyeing the pile of dirty clothes sitting on the floor. "And since Carlisle's been kind enough to provide the means, let's pick up a legitimate form of transportation," he said, raising his eyebrows.

"I'll start getting ready," I said starting to stand up.

Jasper yanked me back down next to him. "What's the rush? It's not like we're paying by the hour," he said, giving me a sly grin.


	19. Chapter 19: Rain

Chapter 19

Snowflakes clung to my hair as I crossed the parking lot, weighed down with bags from another productive shopping trip.

"You know, I'm beginning to think you just don't like to shop," I commented, sliding a bag into Jasper's outstretched hand.

"Oh dear, I've been found out," he said with a grin, flashing all of his teeth.

I dropped the remaining bags into the trunk of the car, and let Jasper close it behind me.

Jasper stared wistfully at the car for what had to be the twentieth time since we'd rented it.

"Oh Jasper, come on, it's a new Corvette convertible, it's not that bad!" I cried, rolling my eyes.

Jasper disdainfully ran a hand over the car's snow covered surface, revealing its shiny, gunmetal exterior. "It isn't, but it's just so… American. I just wished they'd had something European," he said, wrinkling his nose.

"Given their expressions, I don't think the fine people of the Cedar Rapids Airport Hertz Rental Center had ever had 'a high end European roadster' on their lot," I said in a mocking tone as I quoted him.

"Don't under-estimate the people of Iowa, Bella. Everyone wants to drive a good looking, fast car every now and then. We can't all be content with beat up trucks from the late sixties," he smirked.

"Hey! My truck was amazing!" I cried with a note of indignation.

"Amazingly simple to sabotage beyond repair," he replied with a smirk.

"I KNEW IT!" I shouted, outraged. "CULLENS! I knew you people had something to do with my truck dying!"

"Bella, it was all too easy. It was me and Emmett's engagement present to Edward," he said with a shrug and a wicked smile.

In one fluid motion I reached forward and gathered handfuls of snow, and began to pelt Jasper hand over hand with snowballs. "You ass!"

Jasper laughed and ducked behind the car, and quickly stood up, returning fire with several snowballs of his own.

I dodged three, but the last one caught me square in the face.

Jasper crowed as he jumped into the car before I could retaliate further.

Despite the fact that someone had finally admitted to killing my beloved, beat up truck, it was too hard not to grin, what with a face of slushy snow dripping down my face. I shook my head, and wiped it away and got in the car.

Jasper grinned back at me and turned the key, the luxury car's engine purring to life.

"See, that is so much easier to do than having to fiddle with wires," he said with a satisfied smile as we began to drive.

"Yes, but it's far less bad ass," I replied as we sped onto the open road.

"Well yes, it's certainly less bad ass," he agreed. "But I think the tinted windows make up for the loss."

"True," I said, glancing out the window.

The city fell away from us as we pulled onto the highway. While most cars crept along slowly in the heavily falling snow, Jasper drove along at a decent clip.

Jasper glanced over at me and did a double take before he reached over and brushed a few snowflakes from my hair. "You look like you have dandruff," he said with a chuckle.

"A nice benefit of being a vampire," I pointed out. "No dandruff."

Jasper flicked on the heat, and the remaining snowflakes in my hair melted, sending trickles of water dripping down my scalp, neck, and chest.

After a few minutes I turned the heat off and shook my hair, sending a small shower of water out and onto Jasper, who looked mildly scandalized.

"Sorry," I said with a sheepish smile.

"Sure you are," he said, rolling his eyes.

We drove in silence for the next three hours, our minds in their respective places. I could only guess where his had gone, but as for me, I found myself plunged into the same memory over and over again as we passed signs for the upcoming exits for Chicago.

The sun shone faintly from behind us as it set, its golden, orange light reflecting off the windows of the rows of brownstones that lined the narrow street we were slowly making our way down. They were turn of the century, the houses. Though they'd clearly been renovated and altered over the course of time, one could almost ignore the modern cars that were parked alongside the curb and imagine what these houses had looked like in the early 20th century.

Edward slowed the car and edged it as close as he could to the curb and came to a stop in front of a particular house. "And there it is," he said quietly, staring up at the house affectionately.

I looked up at it in awe.

Edward leaned across the seat to get a better look at the three story house to our right. "See that window on the third floor?" he said pointing.

I nodded.

"That was my bedroom," he said with a smile. "And there's the ledge my mother caught me sitting on when I was three. On the second floor was my parents' bedroom, which was located just below mine, so they always knew when I tried to sneak out of bed to go to the library, which was located on the first floor," he recalled, his voice with the slightest tone of melancholy.

"You snuck out of bed to go to the library?" I repeated with a smile. "You stayed up all night reading back then too."

"Some habits are never broken," Edward replied sheepishly. "There used to be a wrought iron fence that ran between the houses and along the front," he said, pointing to the right of the house, "My mother planted irises. She used to have me chase away the squirrels to keep them from digging up the bulbs."

I giggled at the thought of little Edward Masen chasing after squirrels, a stark contrast to Edward Cullen running down mountain lions.

"And over there, behind the house on the left, my parents kept a little garden. That would be the site of one of my first punishments, immediately followed by my second," he said thoughtfully. "The first is only memorable because of the second. I broke something, something of my father's," he said, struggling to remember the details.

I nodded appreciatively.

"And I was sent out to weed the garden. I was really young; I guess maybe four or five? I don't exactly recall. But I do remember that I was instructed not to disturb the vegetables, as they weren't ripe yet. Still, I was a very little boy, and not exactly pleased to be punished, so it shouldn't have been surprising when I started pulling the carrots. My mother was so angry when she found me and the pile of newly picked carrots by my side," Edward leaned back in the seat and laughed. "It was the one and only time she ever spanked me."

"How do you remember so much?" I asked in amazement.

"Journals," he said simply. "Every time I remembered something, I'd write it down, and think about it as hard as I possibly could, dredging up every possible detail, and then writing it all down."

I regarded him as he eyed me carefully, as if he were waiting for me to catch onto some inside joke I was supposed to know about. When I didn't, he smiled and lovingly reached over and took my hand.

"Carlisle gave me a journal when I was still a newborn and instructed me to write down everything I could remember. He said it would help me retain some of my humanity."

"To retain your humanity…" I said, searching my memory for where I'd seen that written before. After a moment it dawned on me. "My journal," I said, smiling brightly as I recalled the leather bound book Edward had given me on our wedding night. It was something I would diligently write in for the next two years until that fateful night when a stranger approached our home.

I refocused my eyes and found the snow had been replaced by an icy rain, and the highway by a dreary, flat countryside. A dull ache lingered as I realized that the vampire at my side had also been replaced.

The daylight had faded. It was probably early in evening. A glance at the clock confirmed this—eight. And Jasper was probably searching for a good place to hunt.

"Morning darling," Jasper teased, without taking his eyes off the road.

"Morning dear," I replied, rolling my eyes and straightening up in the seat.

"Where were you?" he asked casually.

"Chicago," I replied. "You?"

There was a long pause before he finally answered. "For a little while Drexel, the first time around, Philadelphia, at the Senior Class Ring Dance," he said with a small smile.

I nodded.

"But mostly I was here," he said, giving me a half smile.

"Oh," I said, feeling selfish for having ignored him for so long.

"Don't feel guilty," he responded. "It's when you're happiest, and I like seeing and _feeling_ you happy," he said awkwardly, running a hand through his hair and glancing over at me sheepishly. "And it's interesting too, the stream of emotions, as you go through the memories. It's almost like you're dreaming," he said quickly.

"Before the fire, I used to miss being able to dream, but since then, I'm very grateful I can't. I can only imagine the nightmares I'd have."

"Yes, but when you were human you used to have some pretty good dreams as well, if I recall correctly."

I smiled in embarrassment. "Yeah, yeah, I did."

"Course you did have a few whoppers when it came to nightmares. I remember one night when you stayed over while Edward was hunting you had me feeling completely terrified, just absolutely frightened beyond belief—and I was on the front porch too! It had to be intense for me to be feeling it three floors down _and_ outside."

"What happened?" I asked curiously.

"I sent Alice upstairs to wake you up. It didn't seem proper for me to climb into bed with you and calm you down from a nightmare."

"Right," I chuckled, imagining the idea. My cheeks ached with the echo of blush at the idea.

"You had good ones though that made you happy. I'd know before you had even woken up that you'd have a good day just because of how happy the dream had made you."

I smiled, recalling images of different dreams that had stuck with me: Laying in the meadow and watching stars with Edward, the often repeated dream of riding horse (one I'd had since childhood,) a particularly interesting dream in which Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy asked me dance.

"But then of course there were the other dreams that chased me out of the house—especially if Alice wasn't around," he said with a shudder.

"Other dreams, what do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Oh Bella, don't make me spell it out," he said, giving me a sidelong glance.

My brow furrowed and I shook my head, not understanding.

"The um, more amorous dreams," he said delicately.

"Oh!" I said, exhaling sharply.

"Yeah," he said, tightening his grip on the wheel. "You were not the only one grateful for your wedding night," he said coyly.

I shook my head, recalling all the nights of kisses ended too soon, legs hitched up and around Edward's waist, only to be pushed to other side of the bed, of declarations of the need to maintain our virtue. It wasn't hard to believe my dreams had been affected by all of that. I briefly recalled a few choice dreams and squeezed my eyes shut, realizing my habit of dreaming so intensely, it wasn't outside the realm of possibility that they'd driven Jasper from the house. Again, my cheeks ached.

There was a long pause, and awkward could not adequately describe it. I sighed, frustrated. "Sorry," I mumbled.

Ice and rain pelted the car as the silence was finally broken. "So I was thinking about our trip," he began, sounding hesitant.

"Yeah?" I said, raising an eyebrow. I pulled my legs up beside me and leaned on the cushioned armrest.

"Yeah. I know it's going a bit out of the way, but what do you think about making a stop in Philadelphia on the way to Niagara Falls?" He watched me out the corner of his eye.

Philadelphia. I wondered what the thought process was behind that idea. Wouldn't that be painful? Being in Forks had been bad enough. I worried about Jasper, and I wondered how he could possibly be so strong.

I sighed. As long as we were together, it didn't really matter where we went, or how we got there, whether we took the long way or short way. "Sure, we can definitely visit Philadelphia," I said, trying to sound neutral, but supportive.

"That doesn't really answer my question. Why do you think about it?"

"How do I feel?" I asked, looking up at him. I folded my arms over the center console and lay my head on them.

Jasper sighed and put an arm around me. "Worried, concerned, anxious, supportive, and caring," he replied. He paused, answering the unasked questions. "I know," he said, squeezing my shoulder. "I can handle it," he said quietly.

"You're stronger than I am."

"I think you're wrong about that," he said, chuckling darkly.

"Why?"

"Bella, I ran away, but you," he paused, "You stayed in the town where you two first met and fell in love. Hell, you stayed in the very house where you were married. I don't think I could've handled that, not at first. Now though, now I want to go back."

I eyed him suspiciously.

"I can handle it," he said simply.

I nodded and we fell silent again.

The sleet changed to a steady rain. A wave of contentment washed over me, and I felt myself relax more as I listened to the patter of the rain. Jasper rubbed my shoulder with his thumb.

A few minutes later the car slowed and coasted onto the shoulder.

Jasper reached up and turned off the car and looked down at me.

"It's pouring," he said, the rain plunk-plunking on the roof of the car.

"Yeah," I said, giving a half-hearted smile. I wasn't particularly looking forward to running around in the rain.

"You could stay here. I'll only be a little bit," he suggested.

I stretched and wriggled my toes inside my dry, warm socks. It was a nice feeling, one I didn't care to part with at the moment. I thought it over. There hadn't been so much as a chicken coop for the last five miles. I somehow doubted there'd be a lone human running around in the woods during a miserably cold, wet, night like tonight.

I looked up at him and nodded.

He grinned at me. "I'll be fast!" he said, before jumping out of the car and shutting the door.

I turned onto my back across the center console, my head on the driver's seat armrest, and listened to the noises around me. I separated out the sounds of rain falling on the ground, trees and rocks, and let my ears take me where my eyes could not. I was staring at the ceiling of the car, but I was seeing far beyond. The rain, it fell on Jasper. I could hear it pat against the top of his head, and splat against his boots. Further, not too far off though, I could hear the rain hitting other things, small, cautious little creatures, nothing worth hunting, but the tiny impressions of their tracks filled up with water, and soon I could hear the rain splashing in the mini-puddles that had been created. Beyond more trees, more mini-puddles, and even large puddles, there was a bigger animal than the others, but not by so much. I couldn't decide what it was. I frowned at the ceiling, straining to hear the smallest sound.

Jasper could probably smell it. I couldn't at all, so the scent couldn't help me. Whatever it was hadn't escaped Jasper, as he took off after it. He was almost on top of it before it realized it was being hunted and began to run. Padded feet. Padded feet! I smiled. It sounded as though Jasper might just get a carnivore tonight, instead of just another lousy deer.

Jasper caught it. He caught a few lousy deer as well, I could pick out the sounds of their hooves anywhere, but they still served their purpose. I listened appreciatively as he snarled into the necks of his prey and drained them.

I sighed contently, and began to think about the possibilities for our upcoming trip. With the world at our feet, where would we go? My mind wandered for a few minutes from continent to continent.

I heard the crunching of dirty and gravel, and a moment later the door opened behind my head.

Jasper climbed into the front seat and shut the door, escaping the rain. "Have fun?"

I rolled my eyes. "Plenty. It sounded like you did well."

Jasper leaned over me, water dripping down onto my face. "How about a shower?"

"Ew! No thanks," I said quickly, squirming away and sitting up. I wiped away the raindrops from my face as he laughed.

"Lynx," he said, answering my thoughts from earlier.

"Oh, I wondered."

"Yeah, I could tell. So how do my eyes look?" he asked, leaning forward.

I leaned forward and pushed a few strands of dark blond hair out of his face and peered into his eyes. "Caramel," I said with a soft smile.

"Not bad," he said in a satisfied tone.

"You're doing better than I did," I commented.

"You were a newborn. Of course it took you a little while to get some normal coloring. Then again you were still exceptional. It only took you a couple months, usually it takes almost three or four for everyone else. Besides, I'm practically on detox. Hunting every other day, it's going to have a fairly rapid effect on me," he said with a shrug.

I chuckled and leaned back against the window.

Jasper's eyes lingered on mine. "Your eyes are getting a lot darker," he said quietly. "I won't push you this time, but you're going to have to hunt eventually. I miss your eyes."

We both looked down at the same time. When I looked back up Jasper was staring down at his shirt in disgust.

"Excuse me," he said, giving an apologetic smile, then tugging his dripping wet, black t-shirt over his head, and tossing it behind him into the backseat.

"Want me to grab you a shirt?" I asked, glancing behind me into the small backseat.

"No, it's easier if I grab it, the bag's behind your seat," he said, hitching up in the seat and leaning across the center console, reaching for the duffle bag.

Jasper grunted and leaned further forward, bracing himself on my armrest. I gathered he was having trouble reaching into the bag. His hair dripped onto the sleeve of my shirt and trickled down my bare arm, tickling me.

I shivered, and took a deep breath.

Jasper's proximity and wet hair afforded me a concentrated breath of his scent. I glanced down and became very self conscious of how close he was to me, nearly touching me with his muscular shoulder and chest. Suddenly embarrassed for noticing any of this, I stared forward.

With a final stretch, he sighed in satisfaction as he looked up into my face. "My last shirt, the rest are in the trunk," he said, grinning and leaning back slowly, holding out a grey t-shirt.

"I'm glad someone went shopping, otherwise you'd have to drive around in a wet t-shirt," I said sarcastically.

"Or half naked," he said with a smirk.

"Well it's not like you'll catch your death of cold."

"Yes, but you might just die of embarrassment."

I huffed and stuck my nose up in the air. "I'm sorry, but I spent quite a bit of time on the rez surrounded by shirtless werewolves. The male physique from the navel up has very little effect on me anymore," I said, crossing my arms.

Jasper quirked an eyebrow incredulously at me before pulling this shirt over his head, "Well Bella, on that note," he said in tone that indicated that he didn't believe me for a moment, then he turned the keys in the ignition.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back across the center console. After a few minutes, Jasper put his arm around me again. This time I would try not to go to Chicago, or Forks, or the Isle of Esme, or anywhere else but here.


	20. Chapter 20: Grief

Chapter 20

It was early in the morning, just dawn when we reached Philadelphia. Jasper repeatedly cursed the toll road system as we made our way through Indiana, Ohio, and into Pennsylvania.

He seemed to become increasingly antsy as we got closer to our destination, but once we came in sight of the river he let out the breath he'd apparently been holding. Our speed dropped to a crawl by our standards as he looked around eagerly at the city's skyline.

We crossed the bridge and into the heart of the city. Large pieces of modern art, coupled with old world architecture dotted the streets. Very few cars were on the road, though street cleaners were out in force. Jasper didn't even complain when we dropped below twenty miles per hour as one slowly made its way down the street in front of us.

I wanted to ask if he knew where we were going, but he seemed to have it all very well in hand, so I contented myself with looking through the window at the sights. There was a large fountain in a park, several points of historical interest dotting the street, and a huge iron sculpture—not made of iron but literally an iron, bigger than the car, which stood in a sculpture garden. It certainly sparked my interest as I leaned forward to look down the side streets we were passing.

I hadn't asked, but I had a sneaking suspicion that we weren't going to be doing any sightseeing before we got the obvious destination out of the way. So it was of no surprise to me when we came to a stop, parking alongside the curb, a few buildings away from a brightly lit restaurant.

Jasper gave a sigh of satisfaction, and leaned back in the seat after turning off the car.

I looked expectantly at him as he stared out through the windshield.

"I had it in my head that using the seemingly unlimited amount of time I had on my hands to see things like the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall would be a good use of it, that somehow it justified my aimless lifestyle. Having a destination made me feel as if I had some sort of temporary purpose in my otherwise pointless life. My whole existence was founded on a purpose, and with my leaving Maria, I lost my purpose. Moreover, I lost that feeling of being a part of a larger group. Being alone had begun to get to me. The novelty of being a lone vampire had long since worn off. With a newly adopted lifestyle of tenuous self discipline, I found myself taking the risk of traveling amongst humans just for the company, despite the enticement."

There was a long pause, and Jasper looked over at me and gave me a sad smile before opening the door and stepping out of the car. Without a word, I got out as well.

Jasper shoved his hands into his pockets as he stared straight ahead.

A red sign buzzed "The Coral Diner" across the front of the red brick building. It was small, squat building, only a single story, sandwiched between a barbershop and locksmith's shop. It had a single, wide window that faced out to the street, with another neon sign hanging by door proclaiming the place to be "OPEN!" It didn't look like an old train car, nor was it decked out with metallic silver accents. It looked quite simply like the type of place one would go if one were looking for the best pancakes in town.

"It was four in the afternoon, and it was raining," Jasper said quietly, breaking the silence. "It had been a week and a half since my last hunt, but I had a handle on my thirst for the moment. The thirst gave me dark enough eyes for me to move amongst them, but I still had trouble blending in with the humans entirely. The rain turned into a storm, with strong winds and hail. I realized, looking up and down this street that everyone was taking cover. Standing in a torrent of hail didn't exactly spell out 'normal.' That's when I caught sight of this sign," he said, pointing up. "I decided what the hell, I'd go in and wait out the storm, as needless as it was." His smile broadened. "I opened the door and the brass bell over the door rang out. A few people looked up as I walked in, including the woman who would change my life in a matter of seconds. She was smiling expectantly at me. Expectantly! I remember thinking it was so strange, alarming really, for another vampire to seemingly be waiting for me. I was worried she wanted to fight."

Jasper pushed the door open for me. Above our heads a door bell sounded, "Ding-dong!" as we stepped through. Jasper looked up at the speaker where the noise had come from, and his forehead creased, but without a word, he followed me inside.

"Sit where you want," the waitress called over her shoulder as she carried a tray heavy with plates of food to a table.

There were only a few tables with customers, by no means was there a rush of the breakfast crowd.

"Thanks," I called. I raised my eyebrows at Jasper, waiting.

Jasper looked around, a frown playing at the edges of his mouth. "The counter went all the way around," he said, his hand sweeping the room where booths now sat, "And she had been sitting right there," he said, pointing to where a booth stood.

I looked at him and then at the booth, feeling terribly awkward. "Would… would you like to sit there?" I asked, uncertain.

I wasn't really sure what to do or say. It was all very confusing. Was this reminiscing or closure? Was this sentimental or cathartic? What was the right thing to do or say? The thought occurred to me that perhaps this was what the others had felt for the last five years back at home. I made a note to find some way to express my appreciation for their patience, especially Rosalie, who wasn't known for that in particular.

"Yeah," he said, forced casualness in his voice. He continued to look around, taking everything in.

The walls were painted pale green and decorated with local artwork, some of which resembled nothing more than a collection of random pieces of trash, pasted and painted onto canvas. There were a few reviews from the newspaper framed and lining the walls beside the register, along with several old black and white photographs of the diner as it had evolved over the years.

The booths were covered in a glittery, smooth, dark green vinyl, and they squeaked as we slid in.

"Obviously she wasn't trying to attack me. She just put a hand on her hip, smirked, and said matter-of-factly I'd kept her waiting for a very long time. She looked at me with such acceptance and love that I didn't hesitate when I took her hand in mine. It was the first time in almost a century that I felt an overwhelming sense of hope and—"

"Morning, what can I get you to drink," the waitress said abruptly as she came up from behind Jasper. The waitress stared down at us through her thickly framed glasses, looking a little bored. She absentmindedly fidgeted with her lip piercing as she waited, her pen poised.

"Coffee," Jasper said automatically, looking slightly affronted at being interrupted mid-reminiscence.

"Coffee," I repeated uneasily.

"Cream?" she asked, as she took note.

"No," Jasper clipped.

"Do you guys know what you want, or do you—"

"The coffee will be sufficient," Jasper said dismissively.

The waitress frowned, clearly not caring for Jasper's tone. "Right, so I'm Tor, I'll be waiting on you this morning. I'll be right back with your coffee," she said in a cool tone and flipping her ponytail over her shoulder before walking away.

"We're lucky we're not actually going to drink that. You know she's probably going to spit in it or something," I said, raising my eyebrows.

He looked around at the walls, not really registering what I'd said. "This place has changed a lot. The booths used to be red. And the walls used to be covered with all kinds of historical pictures and memorabilia," he said, wrinkling his nose at some of the artwork.

"It's been a long time, things change," I said gently.

"Mmm," he murmured, clasping his hands beneath his chin, "A long time."

"There are still some pictures up by register," I said without much hope that this would improve his mood.

He turned around briefly to look in the direction of the register, then turned back around and nodded.

The waitress returned with our coffee.

Jasper looked up at her and gave her a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "This place is really different from how I remember it."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, sounding a little hesitant. I couldn't really blame her.

"Yeah, you guys must have done a lot of remodeling. There used to be a huge mural back there with the Constitution, an eagle, and Benjamin Franklin. The walls used to be orangey-pink, coral really, like the name of this place. And you've changed the floor layout completely," he said, sounding a little insulted.

"Right, but I think they changed that like, back in the seventies or something, way before you were around," she said, sounding confused as she raised a hand to tuck a strand of brown hair behind her ear. As she did, a large tattoo of a goldfish on her forearm peeked out from under the sleeve of her long sleeved t-shirt.

Jasper fixed his eyes on it and then looked down, frowning. "Oh, I thought I remembered it being that way."

"I could be wrong," she hedged. "I mean, I've only worked here for like a year and some change." She looked down at him with an expression mixed with interest and nervousness.

Did she just check him out?

I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly.

She looked over at me and then pulled out her notepad. "So would you like another minute with the menu or are you good for now?"

We all glanced over at the untouched menus sitting at the end of the table next to the sugar, salt, pepper, and ketchup.

"I think we're just going to stick with coffee," I said, glancing over at Jasper who was now shaking his head, although I suspected the gesture wasn't limited to declining to order food.

"Kay, well, if you need anything…" she said, trailing off.

"Thanks Tor," I said, giving a nod.

There was another long pause. The doorbell rang out, and Jasper looked up at the speaker, his eyebrows knit together in a pained expression.

"This was a mistake," he said, staring down at his hands for a moment, and then stood up.

I fumbled in my pocket and pulled out a ten and threw it onto the table, and hurried after Jasper.

He was hardly being discreet as he made it across the restaurant in three strides. He wrenched the door open with such force I was worried he might pop it off its hinges. I ran after him without a look behind us, the doorbell ringing out loudly behind me.

The cool damp morning air caught me off guard, piquing my senses. The sky had begun to turn peachy-pink at the horizon as it broke through the dark purple clouds. It'd be daybreak shortly, and a sunny one at that.

Jasper briskly walked away from the restaurant, and while I could have easily caught up to him, I trailed about five feet behind him. He abruptly stopped and slowly turned around to face me. His expression caused me to pull up short.

His face was tortured and his eyes were profoundly pained.

"Jasper…" I whispered.

He took in a ragged breath and expelled a tearless sob. "Bella, she's not here."

I stood, rooted to the place, and stared dumbly at him.

"She's gone," he sobbed, crumpling to his knees.

I looked down for a moment, staring at him. Jasper had never been the type to express his emotions so openly. He'd always more comfortable with just being a part of the climate and effecting it through his will, not as an active participant, almost as if he were too proud, too reserved, to show his own emotions. I debated on whether to give him his space, perhaps even his privacy.

After a moment I shook my head and sank down into a crouch at his side.

Jasper let out another sob. "I just thought that maybe if, if I came back here, it'd just make everything feel like she wasn't really gone for-forever," he choked. "I just wanted her to feel real for a moment instead of like a memory."

"Jasper," I whispered again, and I leaned over him and put my arms around him.

After a moment his hands reached up and clutched the arm I had wrapped around his chest as he continued to cry.

I dropped my head pressing my cheek against the back of his neck. I rocked him back and forth rubbing his shoulder trying to hold him together, even as he was coming apart at the seams.

We stayed like that for a while, until the sun began to peek through the clouds, casting its first rays of sunshine onto us.

"We need to go," I whispered, giving him a squeeze.

He nodded and took in a gulp of air.

"I'll drive," I said, standing up and holding out my hand.

Without looking, he stood up, laid the keys in my hand and walked back to the car.

I stared after him for a moment, and then unlocked the car by the remote.

He opened the door and slid the front seat forward.

I wondered what he was doing as I walked to the driver's side and opened the door.

He was climbing into the back.

I sighed and steadied myself before getting in and turning on the car, hazarding a glance into the backseat before putting the car in gear.

We drove for hours, heading north. Every now and then I'd peer into the rearview mirror at Jasper, who had managed to fit his long frame into the cramped backseat of the convertible. His head was propped on his hand, which was raked through his hair. His eyes never stopped staring down into his other hand. A ray of sunshine, though dampened by the dark tint on the windows, caught what he was looking at, and a small flash of gold told me what his eyes were fixed on.

It was a fight to resist the feelings that were assaulting me from the backseat. The agony of it was enough to drive me back to happier memories. I didn't go anywhere this time. Instead I allowed myself to disappear into the road. With every white line came a release and with every mile marker a feeling of escape, as if I were outrunning our past, our demons, and our pain.

Escaping. I realized that was what we'd been doing all along. How long could we continue like this before having to face what was always there? Running. We couldn't run forever. And really, it didn't seem we'd successfully managed to outrun what we'd been hiding from in the first place. Edward would always be there in the back of my mind, just as Alice would always be there for Jasper. The realization wasn't exactly comforting. It tugged at the walls I put up, the numbing haze that protected me. The idea of being without that protection was frightening. I had faced the memories, embraced the second world I often occupied in my head. But I wasn't ready to face moving on yet. I wasn't ready to face myself.

The road went steeply upwards as we wound through the twisting roads of the Adirondack Mountains. I realized that it was extremely unlikely that we were anywhere near Niagara Falls, and while the idea of driving all the way to Canada wasn't entirely unappealing, the idea of running out of gas in the middle of nowhere was. A sign indicated a scenic overlook at the next summit, and I pulled off the road at the entrance. I parked in the empty parking lot, leaving very little space between the car and the guardrail, the only barrier between us and the drop off.

Jasper didn't look up as I put the car in park and turned off the engine.

I exhaled slowly, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment, before getting out.

The air was beautiful. After the snow and rain, and especially given the mood, the sunshine was a needed change of pace.

I sighed and pushed myself onto the hood of the car and leaning my back against the windshield, not caring if I got any dead bug goo on my shirt.

Clarity is easier to find when you're high up. It's something about the perspective. Maybe that's why I was always climbing up things, like the trees and my shelf. In front of me was the countryside, little farms and communities laid out before me like a patchwork quilt.

The car door opened behind me. Jasper stepped out and stood next to the car, staring ahead. After a moment he met my eyes. With a nod, he sat on the edge of hood and stared down at the valley.

I smiled at the back of his head. I wanted him to know I was here, but no amount of words felt right or appropriate. Instead I slid down the front of the car towards him and slipped a leg on either side of him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

Jasper stiffened for a moment.

"I'm here. I'm here. I'm here," kept running through my head over again and again. I willed every shred of my being to feel the love and care I possessed for Edward, for Alice, and for Jasper, trying to show him a sort of emotional embrace.

Jasper tilted his head, then relaxed against me and laid his head back against my shoulder.

A breeze rushed up the side of the mountain, tousling our hair and bringing with it a welcome breath of fresh air to my lungs, kicking up the scent of pine, dirt, fresh water, animals, and Jasper.

Clarity. It's always easier to find when you're high up.

* * *

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I'd like to take the time now to thank my amazing betas who have helped me sort out my brain many a time! niceiceedward, bublichka, and ktbass! I'd also like to thank everyone who has left feedback, it is definitely appreciated!


	21. Chapter 21: Lust

Chapter 21

We stayed in the Adirondacks for nearly four weeks. These were wordless days, filled with exploring the surrounding forest and mountains, tramping through the brooks that wound their way down to the foothills, and discovering hidden dells and fields. Without the presence of humans, we were not bound by the night or cloudy days. We could sprint down sunlit trails, climb the tallest trees and cliff faces, and watch the rise and fall of the sun. Our nights were spent beneath the stars, observing the gradual phases of the moon. The quiet between one another did not extend to the woods however. The forest was filled with the music of the oncoming spring as the first frogs chirped early in the evening, insects buzzed with anticipation in the grass, and birds began to return from their sojourns south. We watched the last frost dissolve into budding branches, and the tips of wildflowers began to poke up through the earth.

There was never a need to speak. Somehow one always understood what the other wanted or needed. And eventually we fell into a routine entirely our own. It became clear that Jasper was beginning to feel better. His expressions became less pained, and even the residual emotions I often felt coming off of him were beginning to feel less and less sad. I knew he was by no means relieved entirely of his grief, but it did seem he was beginning to feel a little bit better. As for myself, I was less and less tempted to retreat into the memories, and felt myself pulled to remain in the present, if only for Jasper's sake.

It seemed as though this routine might go on forever, when on one cloudy day Jasper looked up from his spot on the ground and with a nod, stood up and held out his hand.

I nodded back, stood, and after brushing myself off, handed him the keys.

The time spent on the road was very short. With the needle already nearing dangerously close to 'E,' we were very quickly in need of fuel. Just south was a small town set just off the two lane highway. The town reminded me a little of Forks, except less green. As we made our way through town, the houses intermingling with storefronts. There was a post office and a modest town hall with a police station adjoined to it. Everything seemed perfectly appointed and humble. And quiet for that matter, the most noticeable sign of life was coming from within the two churches we passed, the parking lots were crowded.

"Must be Sunday," I murmured. I'd stopped keeping track of the days a while back. For all I knew it was nearly April. When did spring arrive in the northeast anyway?

Jasper nodded in agreement.

I half expected the gas station to be closed, much like the rest of the town, but was pleasantly surprised to see an 'open' sign hanging in the window.

Jasper pulled the car next to the gas pump and turned off the engine. He glanced over at me and gave me a tentative half smile. "I'll get it," he said.

I nodded and leaned back in the seat with a sigh as he got out to pump the gas.

I stared out through the windshield at the street adjacent to us where houses lined the street. In a passing thought I wondered how much it bothered people to live across from a gas station.

From the nearest house I could hear someone talking back to a television that was blaring an energetic sermon. "Can I get an 'amen?'" the preacher solicited.

"Hell yes you can! Ay-men!" an old man replied.

The next house over didn't seem to have any activity within it. I supposed that maybe they were at a one of the churches down the street.

From the house on the corner I could hear moderate activity. They too must have skipped church this week.

Pots and pans clanged around from the front of the house, downstairs. "Kids, whose turn is it to take out the trash?" a woman called out.

"Jenn's!" a boy replied loudly from one side of the second floor of the house.

"Nuh-uh! It's Richie's!" Jenn cried from the other side of the second floor, probably her bedroom.

"Yes-huh! I took it out yesterday morning!" Richie retorted.

"But I--"

"Jennifer Kimberly Night, come down here and take out the trash!" the woman interrupted.

"But Mom--"

"Don't 'but Mom' me. I don't want to hear it. The trash bag is full, I need you to take it out, and I need you to do it now," her mother replied.

There were some angry grumbles from Jenn, followed by snickering on Richie's part, as Jenn stomped downstairs. There was a clanking and clattering sound from the first floor, a noise which continued to the front door.

I stole a look at Jasper.

He had his eyes on the gas pump, but his hands were shoved into his pockets, and his jaw was clenched. He was worried.

Even if he had his doubts about encountering a human for the first time in a month, I knew he could handle it.

I got out of the car and walked around to the end of the car.

"You have no idea how annoying it is to not be completely positive you can control yourself," he murmured.

"You'll get there," I said, giving a reassuring smile as I leaned against the trunk.

The front door of the house behind us opened and a pair of feet trooped across the front porch.

Jasper's eyes shifted over my head, towards the house.

I looked over my shoulder and saw a short, skinny girl of possibly eight, with coffee-and-cream colored skin, her reddish brown hair in atop her head in a messy ponytail. Her face was set in a pout as she carried a large bag of trash down the steps.

She stalked across the yard to the trashcans and opened the lid, flinging the bag towards the can. The bag opened midair, scattering several articles of trash across the driveway.

She groaned and bent over and began to pick _them up_. A low-hanging tree branch got caught in her hair, pulling a few strands free. "Stupid tree!" she loudly declared as she ducked away and seized another piece of trash.

I chuckled and looked over at Jasper who had visibly relaxed.

Jasper shook his head and relaxed as he squeezed off the gas and removed the nozzle.

I shook my head and smiled. "Ready?" I asked.

"Only if you are," he said, smiling and twisting the gas cap on with a few satisfying clicks.

"Yep," I said, turning and walking around the end of the car.

"You know, I think as long as I stay away from fresh blood I'll be okay," he said, opening his car door. "I didn't feel any kind of temptation."

I smiled over the car at him as I opened my door. "That's great! I knew you'd get there."

The wind shifted, a gust sent my hair billowing past my shoulders.

The smell of garbage hit my lungs, causing me to wrinkle my nose.

And then suddenly everything stopped. Everything around me disappeared, all except for a scent and the single steadily thudding heartbeat.

I turned slowly and faced the hypnotic noise to see the girl had taken down her ponytail and was now shaking out her hair. Her scent crashed over me for a second time, this time more powerful.

My breath caught, and my mouth filled with venom. My body tingled with anticipation. My thirst, having lain dormant for months, was now suddenly making itself known. I knew in this moment that this creature's only purpose in life was to serve as my prey, her blood was my property. I could see it pooling in her flushed cheeks, her veins pulsing in her neck. The thin membrane would be easily broken, it couldn't protect her from my bite.

I watched as this stupid, fragile little human made her way across the yard towards her front steps. It would only take a few strides to close the gap between us.

She tripped up the last step, but caught herself.

I sneered. Clumsy. This would be all too easy.

I sprang forward, but instead of feeling the rush of air as my surroundings flew past me, I felt two hands clap onto my shoulders and my body colliding with the ground.

I roared as I looked up and saw Jasper above me, pinning me to the ground with his body.

"NO!" I screeched as he held down my thrashing arm.

"Bella!" his voice boomed.

A snarl escaped my lips as I kicked my legs forward and knocked him off of me.

I smiled darkly as I met eyes with Jenn, who had turned around to see where the noise had come from and had an alarmed expression on her face.

I started towards her again, but a hand seized my ankle, pulling me to the ground again. I shot a look down at Jasper who was clinging to my ankle, and hand over hand pulling me towards him by my leg. "Let go of me, NOW!" I ordered.

"Bella, she's just a child!" Jasper groaned desperately, straining to maintain his grip on me.

"Yes, and she is mine!" I snarled.

His hands slipped and tore my pant leg, losing grip on me entirely.

I looked up just in time to see the child running into the house. I heard the lock turning in the door.

"Moooom!" she cried.

"Oh, like that'll stop me!" I laughed, scrambling forward.

Jasper dove forward and caught me at my knees, both of us crashing to the ground again.

I roared in protest.

"Bella, I'm telling you, I will tear your legs off before I allow you to have that girl's blood," he said, dragging me backwards.

"I've had enough of this!" I growled. I yanked a leg away from his hold. I reared back my leg and kicked him squarely in the face, knocking him back.

He maintained his grip on my other leg, and I kicked again. This time he caught my foot. He towed me towards him.

I dug my hand into the pavement, my fingers going through the asphalt as though it were sand.

Jasper flipped me over and held me fast against the ground. "Bella, I won't allow you to have the human!"

I began to panic. What if she somehow managed to escape?! How could I be content without having had her blood warm and soothe me? Another part of my brain attempted to calm me. No, I'd still be able to track her. Somehow I knew that I could follow her scent across an ocean if I had to. Still, in this moment, I craved her. I needed her. Every part of my body longed for her.

"Jasper, so help me, you let me go, or I'll--" I stopped. I suddenly felt all my senses dull as a haze of calm settled over me. He was doing this.

"Fight it Bella, fight it! You've got to, or all is lost!" my brain screamed.

But it was no good, I could feel him move off of me, and I was aware that I was being made to sit up. Jasper's form was looming over me.

"Bella, Bella, stop this! He's going to take you away from her! FIGHT!" I thought desperately.

I searched deep within myself. Through the haze I suddenly recalled Jenn's scent. Seawater, citrus, and a sweetness that could not be defined.

The scent moved me, brought me back, and I felt my vision flash as a dark red haze settled over my eyes, the blood lust seizing me once again.

"NO!" I shouted. I dug my hand into the pavement and pulled away a large chunk of cement. Before even considering the action, and before it had completely registered with Jasper that I'd overridden his effect on me, I swung back my arm and struck Jasper just below the ear.

Then something unexpected happened. Instead of the cement bursting into powder and crumbling in my hand, the rock maintained its shape, tearing Jasper's marble skin.

Jasper cried out in pain, immediately releasing me, and instinctively grabbing his neck.

The seawater, the citrus, the sweetness, and the girl were all forgotten as I stared at Jasper wide eyed.

What did I just do?

I sat up and reached towards him with my empty hand.

He flinched away from me, not meeting my eyes. Venom was streaming from beneath his hand.

I looked down at the rock in my right hand. There seemed to be nothing remarkable about it, other than the venom Jasper had, for lack of a better term, bled onto it. I examined it carefully for a moment before I closed my fist around it and crushed it into powder effortlessly.

I looked up and he finally met my eyes, and it didn't take an empath to know what was behind the look he was giving me: Fear.

I could hear movement in several of the nearby houses. People had seen our display. A phone was dialing. Anxious voices were speaking to one another.

We needed to get moving before we were part of another police chase.

Jasper's gaze shifted. "Car. Now." he said, standing up, his hand still pressed against his neck. He reached down and pulled me up by my wrist.

"I can drive," I said quietly as he opened the passenger side door.

"You can ride," he replied.

I nodded and slid into the seat.

I was still in a state of shock as he led me to the car and I got in. What had I just done? I stared down at my hands in shock. I looked up and saw the town falling away quickly as we barreled down the road. The rural landscape passed by in a blur, not because our speed, but because I couldn't see it. I was seeing my hands, the chunk of cement, my arm swinging back, connecting with Jasper's neck. I could see it, his torn flesh exposed for the briefest moment.

Jasper's gasp of pain brought me back to the present and I turned in my seat.

Jasper was still clutching at his neck, silvery-white venom dripped from between his fingers and down his wrist, his face contorted in pain.

"Jasper what happened back there?" I asked in a frightened voice.

"You tried to take off my God damn head, that's what happened back there!" he spat, before letting out another groan.

The car jerked to the right, skirting the edge of the road as his body shuddered.

"Why don't you let me drive," I offered.

"No, I've got it."

We were flying down, or more appropriately up the road. We wound our way up steep inclines and around sharp turns. A thick, dark forest seemed to close in on us more and more as drove on.

I threw worried glances at Jasper every time the car veered out of the lane momentarily.

Jasper gasped again and winced, and suddenly we decelerated. Dirt kicked up behind us as we coasted onto the shoulder and into the grass, and a cloud wafted continued past us when we came to a stop.

With a short exhaling of breath, Jasper pulled his hand away, revealing the 2 1/2 inch long gash that ran from his jaw line to just behind his ear.

I gasped as I saw venom seep from it and down his neck.

Jasper turned in the seat, trying to get a better look at it in the rear view mirror, but it was in too awkward a spot for him to see it properly.

"Want me to do it?"

"Bella, don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather you didn't touch me at the moment."

My face fell and I nodded.

He licked his finger and felt around blindly, trying to seal the wound, but only succeeded in hurting himself further by sticking a finger directly into the wound.

He roared in pain. "Damn it!" he shouted.

He met my eyes with an angry glare.

"Fine," he said flatly, turning his head so I could reach him more easily.

I bit my lip and knelt in the seat. There was so much venom. I reached up and tore the left sleeve from my shirt and used it to dab away the venom surrounding the cut.

The cut was ragged, more open in some places than others. The closer it got to his jaw, the deeper it became. I really had tried to take his head off.

"Jasper, this is going to hurt--a lot."

Jasper replied with a, "Mmmhmmm," and steeled himself.

I licked a finger, coating it in my own venom and grimaced as I pressed it to the top of the wound.

Jasper cursed loudly, his face twisting in pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I stammered.

"Just do it," he growled through his clenched teeth.

I re-wet my finger, held my breath, and sealed the rest of it in two strokes, pressing the skin together tightly as I let the venom seal the wound together.

The sealed wound was still very white, paler than the rest of his skin.

I shook my head. "You might have to take it easy on that area, it's pretty deep."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said without any emotion. He stared through the windshield, his hands balled into fists.

"Does it feel any better?"

"Marginally, but given that I haven't felt that amount of pain since I was changed, that's not saying much."

"Oh," I said, staring down at my hands. "Sorry," I mumbled.

I had so many questions, but as afraid as I was of myself and what I'd just done, I was even more terrified that Jasper was going to decide it was too dangerous to continue being in my presence.

"Alright, let's go," he said, opening the car door.

"What are we doing?" I asked, confused.

"_We_ are stopping so _you_ can hunt," he said with a glare.

I thought back to the little human. She was only maybe twenty miles away, a distance I could easily close in a matter of minutes. I felt my vision darken at the thought of my teeth tearing into my flesh.

"_Not_ her," Jasper said, opening my door.

"Then I'm not hunting," I said petulantly.

"Yes, you are," he said insistently.

"No."

"Bella, we can either do this easy way or the hard way, you take your pick," he said, staring down at me.

I crossed my arms and stared out at the road.

"Fine," he said.

In a flash Jasper seized me around my waist and slung me over his shoulder, a hand clasped over the back of my knees.

I snarled and tried kicking my legs, but he maintained his vice grip as he walked into the woods.

"Jasper, put me down now!" I screamed. I clawed at his back, shredding his shirt.

"If you keep screaming you're going to scare off the game," he said, walking deliberately through the woods, "and then we'll have to stay out here until nightfall."

"I'm not hunting game, I'm not thirsty."

"I think your little display at the gas station proves otherwise."

"Oh bite me, Jasper!" I growled.

"Been there, done that," he said with a shrug.

"This is bullshit, it's just one little human, what difference would one make?"

"One makes all the difference, and that human, that child was all of eight years old, maybe younger. Do you really want that on your conscience?" he asked, jumping over a creek and jostling me as he landed.

"I don't care if she's young," I said darkly. It was the truth, her age was of no concern to me.

Jasper's steps faltered, and he stopped. "You would later," he said quietly.

His grip seemed to weaken momentarily.

I took advantage of this, and yanked a leg free. I kneed him in the face several times before he caught my leg and pinned it down again.

"Why are you doing this?" I demanded.

"For the same reason you stopped me in Hannibal."

I struggled to recall why I'd stopped him. For some reason those memories felt unimportant, and therefore hard to recall. All I could focus on at the moment was the present.

He sighed deeply and resumed his fast-paced steps. "Because it was the right thing to do, and because you cared enough to stop me."

I stopped flailing my body and quietly thought this over. After a few minutes, I sighed and nodded into his shoulder blade. I took a few deep, cleansing breaths.

He continued to walk along as I dangled limply of his shoulder.

"Sorry," I said finally.

"It's alright," he said.

"I'm sorry about your shirt too," I added, looking at the shreds of fabric that dangled from his shoulders.

"It's okay, you'll just buy me another one," he said with a shrug.

A few minutes later he came to a stop.

I could smell them as well. Deer. The smell made my stomach turn.

"I know," he whispered. "Do you need me to do it?"

I shook my head.

Jasper set me on the ground and eyed me warily.

"Do I really have to do this? We can just go back to the car," I implored, even though I knew it was useless.

He gave me a look that told me the matter was not up for debate.

I sighed and nodded. It felt like Forks all over again, except I'd never fought Carlisle this hard. I rolled my eyes and closed them at this thought. Forks, both literally and figuratively, was thousands of miles away from here.

I heard Jasper take a few steps away from me, giving me the space to allow me to hunt.

I had often been told that my method of hunting relied heavier on my sense of hearing more so than any other sense. It didn't make me weird; it was just another way of doing the same thing as everyone else. For me, the scent was just the marker of where to start looking. My ears became my eyes, and as I listened, my ears took me through the trees, past streams, over trails made by smaller animals, down little hills, and to the river. It was all there in my mind, as if I'd seen it with my own eyes. And there, on a rocky path that met the river, running alongside a line of tall sycamores and pines, were five deer making their way slowly across the rocks.

I opened my eyes and spun around, taking off towards the river.

No matter how many times I commanded myself to give over to instinct, I remained resistant. Oh I was able to track the deer, and took it down without incident. But when I sunk my teeth into its neck, I stopped trying to force something that just wasn't there. The blood tasted more bitter than usual. There was no out of body experience or even a moment of brief satisfaction. This was foreign, repulsive, and agonizing.

"Damn it!" I shouted, spitting out the blood I'd pulled into my mouth and spraying the rocks and grass with red. "I hate this!" I shouted, kicking a rock with such force that it embedded itself in the trunk of a nearby tree. "I don't want to do this Jasper!" I said in a defeated voice, sensing him somewhere behind me.

"You can't keep avoiding your thirst," Jasper said quietly.

I looked over my shoulder and saw him leaning against a tall pine.

"It's not about avoidance," I said bitterly, crouching down and holding my head. "It's about keeping my promise without having to keep it entirely," I whispered.

"I don't understand," he admitted.

"If I hunt, it's like I'm going on with my life, as if everything's normal, like how it used to be, but nothing is how it used to be. Nothing is normal," I said in a sad voice.

There was a long pause, and Jasper cleared his throat. "Is life really so bad right now?"

I shot him a look of disbelief.

He walked forward, his hands raised. "No, I know what you mean, but don't you understand what I'm saying as well?"

I watched him for a moment before nodding.

"As much as I wish things were how they used to be, and I do wish it, so very, very much, we both know they can't," he said quietly. "And to deny oneself of the wonderful, good, and especially the necessary things in this life is hardly honoring the lives of whom we've lost."

We both fell silent as I took in his words.

A moment later the wind carried up the scent of the deer's freshly spilled blood.

"Try again?" he suggested.

I nodded and crouched over the deer and bit into it again, but quickly spat out the now cooled, thickened blood. "It's cold," I complained.

The flavor on my tongue was foul and muddy. I squeezed my eyes shut and massaged my temples. Why was this so hard? The deer's appeal was nothing compared to the... exquisite scent I'd encountered not an hour beforehand.

I resisted the impulse to dash through the trees in the direction of the town. What good would it do? I was hands down a faster runner than Jasper, but the advantage was gone even when I so much as thought about her scent. That scent had the ability to make me so irrational and impulsive; it evoked a desire which I had never known. Losing control, both physically and mentally, that seemed to be where Jasper had the advantage. Perhaps that was the key, maintaining control.

I opened my eyes and slowly turned around to face him. "Jasper," I purred.

"Yes?" he replied in a guarded voice. He watched me suspiciously.

"Jasper, this is so stupid," I said, walking slowly over to him. "You're right, you are absolutely right about... everything," I said. I was only a foot away from him now. "We shouldn't be denying ourselves of the wonderful and the good," I said with a smirk.

Jasper seemed to catch on to where I was going with the conversation.

"In this case however, it is not necessary. You can function perfectly well without it," he said with a glare.

"But I do need to fulfill this desire. It's nearly overpowering," I said, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

"You're d-deliberately mis-misinterpreting my words," Jasper said, backing away.

"Jasper," I whispered, giving a wounded look and biting my lip. "I need it. I need to feel it inside me, to fill me up and quench a thirst I never knew I was capable of feeling. Every part of me tingles, cries out to be satiated." I said, stretching out my hand and placing it on his chest.

He looked down at my hand, startled by my touch.

I quirked an eyebrow then lightly shoved him against the tree that was only a few inches behind him.

"Don't leave me unsatisfied," I said in a growl.

He met my eyes, and I could see the command and control he usually possessed was barely present. It would take little more than a push to convince him now.

I kept my eyes locked on his, and with a small, innocent smile I leaned my body against his. I felt his breath catch as our bodies touched. I got on my tiptoes and brought my lips to his right ear. "It's our nature," I whispered, my breath tickling him.

He shivered beneath me. "Bella, I can't--"

"Shhh..." I shushed him, bringing a finger to his lips. "I promise if you let this happen it'll be worth your while."

"Worth my while?" he said curiously against my fingers.

"Uh-huh," I said with a nod. I nuzzled against his ear.

"How?" he asked in a husky voice.

I grinned to myself, knowing I had him. "We can share them," I said in a sweet, sing-song voice. I began to trace my fingers over his lips. "You can have the woman, even the boy if you like," I cooed. "Just imagine," I whispered against his jaw as I sank down and brought my lips down to his neck, "how good it will feel to bring you teeth down to their throats, letting your teeth ever so gently pop their soft flesh." I opened my mouth and let my teeth graze his skin, stopping at the collar of his shirt, "And then the sweet, red liquid passing through your lips and down your throat." I felt his lips part and his warm, ragged breath against my fingers.

A hand, which he had pressed against the tree now slid down my hip, gripping me firmly. A growl was rumbling in his chest.

"Bella, we shouldn't..." he murmured in a last ditch effort, but I already knew he'd surrendered.

"Don't fight this," I whispered into the crook of his neck. "I know you want to," I exhaling against his skin.

He let out a small groan through his parted lips.

I let my finger trail just inside his mouth, grazing his teeth.

As if it were his answer, he nipped at my finger playfully.

I smiled wickedly and pulled my head away so I could see his eyes. They were dark, probably as dark as mine. I reached up and pushed a strand of blond hair out of his eyes. "Ready?"

His cast his eyes downward. He was still trying to resist.

I put my hand through his hair and stretched up on my toes, bring my face inches away from his.

His eyes lingered on my mouth. I could feel the hand on my hip pulling me into him. His other hand came up to my face. Our breathing was sharp and uneven.

"Jasper," I said firmly. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," he whispered in defeat.

He tilted his face towards me, moving his mouth towards mine.

He leaned in, and instinctively I brought my hands to either side of his head and held him away from me.

Before I understood what I'd done, I felt myself go flying to the ground.

He was doubled over cursing loudly, cradling his neck.

"Oh my God, your neck, Jasper, I'm sorry. I completely forget, I didn't think--" I stammered.

He raised a hand to signal me to stop. After a few labored breaths, he dropped his head back against the tree and stared upwards, his mouth pressed in a firm line.

"I'm--I'm so sorry Jasper," I said, apologizing for more than just aggravating his newly mended wound--the wound I had given him.

He wouldn't look at me.

Humiliated and embarrassed, I launched myself up the nearest tree. As I neared the top, I threw myself into the next tree over and climbed to the top of it. I crouched on the highest branch sheltering myself against its trunk, and burying my face in my hands. I was experiencing blood lust like I had never felt before. I had just tried to seduce Jasper into hunting humans. And on top of everything I was somehow able to pierce the impenetrable skin of a vampire with a rock. What was happening to me? Everything was such a mess.


	22. Chapter 22: Swim

Chapter 22

Sigh, step, step, jump. Land. Step, step, step, jump. Land. Step, step, sigh, jump.

I waited for the slightest shudder of the tree as he landed.

I felt it, but I didn't look up.

He sighed again and walked away from me, towards the end of the branch I was sitting on.

I felt it sway slightly and I looked up to see Jasper was sitting on the end of it, staring at me. I stared back, unsure of where to start.

"I'm really sor--"

"Bella, don't," Jasper said quietly, looking down at his clasped hands.

"I don't know what else to say then."

He shook his head, looking disappointed.

I buried my face in my knees and squeezed my eyes shut, my eyes stinging with the lack of tears. A soft sob reverberated in my chest and came out through my nose in a deep exhale.

"Bella?" he called.

I slowly looked up at him.

His face was filled with guarded concern.

"Why are you crying?"

I looked around incredulously. "Are you serious?"

He quirked an eyebrow up in response.

"The human, the cut, and...you." I shook my head furiously, "I'm just, I'm just so..." I looked up at him and was at a complete loss for words.

"Frightened, confused, shocked, guilty?" Jasper supplied.

"Ashamed, you forgot ashamed," I said, my voice catching. I lowered my eyes again.

"Bella, I'm not going to help you beat yourself up," he said matteroffactly.

I looked up and met his eyes, all sympathy absent from them.

"I forgive you Bella," he said, his eyes locked with my own.

"You do?" I didn't question what exactly he was forgiving me of, it seemed like a blanket statement.

"Yes, but you have to promise me you won't intentionally try to manipulate me like that again," he said in a stern voice.

I nodded, "I won't do it again. I don't know what came over me."

"Well singer or no singer, I can't fight my own blood lust and yours," he said nonchalantly.

I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. "What did you just say?"

"I said I can't fight my own blood lust and yours."

"No I mean, you called her--are you saying that she--that I--" I stammered.

"That the girl is your singer? Absolutely."

"You mean you don't feel that, that uncontrollable need," I said, shuddering, "when you smell a human's blood?" I asked, staring at him in astonishment.

"Not to that degree. What you felt back there was not run of the mill thirst. Thirst is simply a passing need that can be ignored. 'La Tua Cantante' is something else entirely. That's the bad thing about it, it's damn near painful to deny it."

I scoffed. "Tell me about it." I shook my head and stared into my hands. "Was that what it was like for Edward?"

Jasper tilted his head as he looked at me, an amused smile playing at his mouth. "Actually it was worse."

"Worse?" I asked in surprise.

Jasper nodded and walked across the branch towards me. "Denying vampiric instincts on top of human ones proved to be almost intolerable for Edward."

"Huh," I chuckled once and shook my head.

Jasper settled himself onto the branch in front of me, his legs dangling on either side. "Of course back then I didn't try to stop him," he said, raising his eyebrows.

I nodded in understanding. "What was different this time?"

"Back then I was very angry at how supervised I was. If I felt even slightly compelled to drink human blood, the whole family was all over me. Seeing another person, a member of this apparently perfect family, grow weak at the scent of a human, it made me feel justified and maybe a little less alone."

"So why stop me now?"

Jasper sighed and leaned forward on the branch. He reached over and tucked the hair that hung in my face behind my left ear. "I guess stopping you was my way of honoring my brother's memory." He gave me a sad, half smile.

I returned it for a moment before my thoughts turned back to what had happened that day. I frowned slightly as I recalled the rock as it cut into Jasper's neck. I winced away from Jasper and stared down at my hands again.

"I know," Jasper said, nodding.

"How did I do that?" I asked, holding out my empty hands and staring at them as if they weren't a part of my body.  
"I'm not sure, but I think it's safe to say that clumsiness isn't your only gift," Jasper said with a smirk.

"Have you ever seen that before?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"No, I haven't," he admitted.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

"But that doesn't mean anything," Jasper said, taking my hands in his. "What you have is obviously special, and just because I haven't heard of it before doesn't mean you're some kind of freak."

I opened my eyes and looked down at our hands. "But if you haven't heard of it..." I said trailing off as I frowned.

"I hate to ruin my standing in your eyes Bella, but I'm hardly the final word on the enhancements vampires can possess."

I smiled a little and Jasper squeezed my hands.

He reached up and put a hand under my chin. "We'll figure this out, whatever this is, together. Don't worry, I'm not going to disappear on you," he said, tilting my face towards his. "Okay?"

"Okay," I said, my smile broadening.

"That's my girl," he said with a grin. "Now what about hunting?" he suggested, raising his eyebrows.

"Ugh God, not this again!" I groaned.

"Bella, I know you've got some sort of aversion to hunting in general, and this whole singer thing has only added to your resistance, but really, you've got to hunt. It's been months now. Months. Did they let you go this long without hunting back in Forks?"

I looked away, but didn't say anything. Like clock work, once a month someone had been sent upstairs to coax me off the shelf for a hunting trip.

"I didn't think so," Jasper said. "Don't fight me on this again," he said, his voice filled with concern.

"You're not going to let up on this, are you?" I asked, frowning.

"When was the last time you looked in the mirror?"

I shrugged. I honestly couldn't remember.

"When was the last time you saw your eyes?" he pressed.

I met his eyes, and he gave me a sad smile.

"They're almost completely black. The parts that aren't are almost as brown as your eyes were when you were human." He shifted on the branch and leaned towards me. "I miss your eyes," he said softly and peering down at me.

My smile faded.

He missed my human eyes, something I could never get back.

I turned away from him and let my legs sway back and forth off the side of the branch.

His brow creased as he took in the change in my emotions. "What? What did I say?" he asked.

"You miss my brown eyes."

Jasper's eyebrows arched in surprise. "What? No. No, _your_ eyes, the kind you used to have. Gold ones, healthy ones, ones that aren't drained of their joy and vibrance," he said in a frustrated voice as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Are you sure you're just talking about _my_ eyes?" I said pointedly, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, maybe I'm not. I miss mine too," he said turning and mirroring my position, "But even so, isn't it worth a try?"

"Do you really believe all of that will change with one hunt?"

He sighed deeply and gave a wry smile. "No, but it couldn't hurt."

I bit my lip and nodded.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice stirred, his voice. Edward's voice.

_"Your eyes are pale gold!" Edward said in astonishment as he stared into my eyes._

_I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Did you expect them to be purple or something?"_

_"No," he said, raking a hand through his hair and frowning. He turned and walked away a few paces._

_"What?" I asked, confused. I closed the space between us in a split second._

_He looked up startled. "I'm still not used to you being able to do that."_

_"It's nice to be able to catch you off guard," I said with a smirk. "Now what's bothering you?"_

_"You're just..." he trailed off, his brow creasing as he searched for the right words, "Exceptional," he finished._

_"Um, thank you?" I said, unsure._

_"No, what I mean is that you're not, I mean I wasn't, I mean--" he stumbled. "It's just that most vampires eyes don't change as quickly as yours have."_

_"Oh," I said, trying to hide my amusement. "Well that's what you get for having me hunt so often."_

_"Huh," he chuckled, cocking his head to the side and studying my face. "You're beautiful."_

Maybe in my own twisted way, my life was wherever Edward was, and ever since it stopped including Edward, I hadn't been living. For so long I had allowed myself to be, just be. Maybe it was time I rejoined the living.

My eyes slid into focus and I looked over at Jasper.

He pursed his lips in expectation.

"Okay," I said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I said, looking up and smiling faintly.

"Well...alright then," he said, nodding.

I slid off the branch and dropped a couple hundred feet to the ground below.

A moment later Jasper landed beside me.

I nodded and closed my eyes and began to listen.

Almost immediately Jasper cleared his throat.

I looked at him curiously.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I don't mean to interrupt, but um, I'm curious why you do that."

"Do what?"

"You close your eyes when you go to hunt. You seem to rely heavily on your sense of hearing. Why is that?"

I thought for a moment, frowning slightly. "I guess it's just easier to hone in on what's around me, and it's just what I'm used to," I said, shrugging. "For the past few years I wasn't allowed to use my sense of smell very much back in Forks."

Jasper opened his mouth to ask the question, but I put my hand up.

"I hunted once a month," I admitted. "They didn't think I would be able to control myself if a human happened to be in the vicinity, so they always had to clear the area before I could let the first breath of air into my lungs. Without the ability to take in scents while running, I began to rely more heavily on what I could hear."

"They made you run blind?" he asked in shock.

"Basically," I said, shrugging again.

"And you did that for years?"

"Yep," I nodded.

"Wow," he said, giving an admiring smile.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just impressed. I don't think I could have managed that."

"So um, do you want me to..." I said gesturing over my shoulder.

"Oh right, yes, hunt," he said with a single nod.

I gave a smug smile and turned around again. I closed my eyes and listened carefully to my surroundings. The woods were beginning to awake with the noises of creatures who preferred the night. Little heartbeats, claws, paws, and hooves made themselves known. And then I heard something not so little. My eyes were drawn upward as I opened them; it was hidden through the trees, out of my sight.

Sitting in a tree lining the riverbank was something marginally more appetizing than a deer.

Jasper's eyes followed mine.

I glanced at him before taking in a deep breath of it. I rolled back my head and let the scent envelop me. The hunt had begun. I agilely climbed up the trunk of a tree. Soundlessly jumping from tree to tree, I soon found myself a branch above what I had been smelling. A large, male mountain lion.

It had been hunting as well. It was washing itself, licking away blood that still matted the fur on its paws and chin. Deer blood, I noted.

I shifted in my crouch and dove down on top of it. The mountain lion yowled loudly as we tumbled out of the tree, falling to the stony ground beneath us, the animal landing on top of me. It clawed at me, tearing the fabric of my clothes, but not my skin. Its teeth knocked uselessly against my face as it snapped at me. It roared again angrily as it tried to escape.

I reached up and snapped its neck with one sickening crunch and it went limp on my chest immediately. I flipped it onto the ground and lay across it, sinking my teeth into its neck and pulling its hot blood into my mouth.

It felt strange to be feeding again, but this was not nearly as repulsive as the deer had been. As I continued to lazily pull the blood into my mouth I began to feel a warmth run through me. The warmth became a flame, and the blame became a roaring fire. Suddenly I couldn't consume the liquid fast enough. I began gulping every bit I could drag through my lips. When the flow began to ebb, I clenched my hands against the animal's body, squeezing it, trying to force every last drop into my mouth. When it had stopped entirely, the frenzy slowed, but the warmth remained. I lay on top of the animal, panting as I felt calm return to me.

A few minutes later I rolled off of the animal and onto my back, laying beside the now drained carcass. I stared up at the partial canopy the tree provided as it obscured the darkening sky. It felt almost cliché to note it was twilight. I resisted the urge to slip back into a memory about that particular time of day, and of a conversation held in the front seat of a silver Volvo.

Jasper cleared his throat, and a moment later was standing over me.

I raised an eyebrow and stared up at him.

"There's another one not too far off," he said, licking his lips and nodded towards the trees.

I gave a half smile, and awkwardly wagged my head in the direction of the other mountain lion.

"I'll be back," he said, flashing his teeth, then taking off through the trees.

I sat up and stared towards the river. The evening light cast the water in a deep, muddy looking purple. The shoreline of the river was scattered with large, flat boulders. The river lightly lapped up at the shore; the soft grating of dirt, pebbles, and debris brushing against the rocks only audible to a vampire's ears. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear Jasper tackling a mountain lion of his own.

I stood up and brushed myself off. My shirt was caked in mud and I noticed it was torn, four holes on each shoulder corresponding to the mountain lion's claws. My ponytail drooped awkwardly at the nape of my neck. I tugged my shirt over my head and let it fall to the ground beside me. Luckily my tank top hadn't been torn as badly as my shirt had been. I let my shirt flutter to the ground as I walked forward towards the river. I reached up and let my hair down, shaking out the dirt and bits of leaves and twigs that had gotten mussed into it during the tussle.

A few boulders were piled upon one another, forming a large mound that grew higher and higher. I climbed up it and stared down at the water a dozen or so feet below me before sitting down and allowing my legs to dangle over the side.

I felt tired. Not physically, just mentally drained from everything that had transpired today. It felt like a dream, but I knew I wasn't fortunate enough for that to be possible. How could my life change so much in such a short amount of time? I snorted at that thought. I of all people should have learned by now that everything in one's life could change in a matter of seconds, let alone in the span of a single day.

I fiddled with the side of the boulder and tore off a hunk of it effortlessly. I crushed it up, bit by bit between my fingers as I watched the bits of falling rock attract tiny fish to the surface of the water beneath me.

A breeze blew into my face and sent a welcome, cleansing breath of fresh air across my body. Everything was so different. The corners of my mouth turned up slightly. Part of me was glad that Jasper had gotten himself into trouble, otherwise I might still be sitting atop my bookshelf, and he would still be roaming the streets of Texas cities; both of us alone.

I heard his rapid footsteps coming through the woods and I turned to see him emerge from the trees a moment later.

He smiled tentatively as he met my eyes.

I returned his smile, but furrowed my brow, forming the question, 'what?'.

He bounded over to the boulder and climbed up next to me. "Having fun?" he inquired.

"Sure," I said with a shrug.

"It's nice not having to snap you out of it," he commented.

I nodded as I brushed away the powdery remains of the rock I had crushed.

"So?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"So?" I replied, pushing my fingers through the surface of the rock as if it were butter.

"How do my eyes look?" he asked hopefully.

I looked up and met his eyes. They were the rich shade of honey, their depth catching me off guard. I narrowed my eyes for a moment as I stared into them.

"So?" he asked again.

"Perfect," I said, looking back down at my lap.

"Perfect, huh?" he chuckled, nudging me with his shoulder.

"Healthy," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Healthy," he repeated with a sense of pride. "I'll take that."

I smiled and flicked a chunk of rock towards his head.

Casually, he caught it and immediately pelted it back towards me.

I twisted out of the way, and the pebble plunked into the water below.

"You want to know about yours?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure?" I said, making it sound more like a question.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Sure."

"Are you sure you're sure? Because you sure didn't sound too sure just now, so I'm just making sure you're definitely sure," he said earnestly.

"Say the word sure one more time," I said in mock aggravation.

"I'm not so sure I--"

The movement was so rapid, Jasper had no time to react. There was a loud splash below me, and a white ring of bubbles began to spread along the surface of the water and lapped against the rocks.

Jasper came sputtering up to the surface and made an enraged choking noise that sounded very much like my name.

I smirked down at him. "So what color are my eyes?"

Jasper gave me a withering look and splashed water up at me.

I squealed and cowered away from the water.

He stood in the waist deep water, arms folded across his chest, and hair hanging in his eyes, glowering at me. "Caramel. They're caramel colored," he said through gritted teeth.

I bit my lips, trying hard to hold back the giggle that was beginning to build inside of me.

When Jasper jumped as a frog chirped and jumped into the water, I lost it and began to positively howl with laughter. I laid back on the boulder and held my ribs as I kept laughing harder, feeling as though my sides were going to burst at any moment.

"Hey! HEY!" Jasper called.

I gasped several times before I could regain my composure. I sat up gingerly and looked down at him. Another giggle slipped past my lips and I clapped a hand over my mouth.

Jasper rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Are you getting in or what?"

"Are you joking?"

He gave me a look that clearly indicated he was not joking.

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Oh come on Bella," he said, sloshing through the water up to the gravelly bank.

"I'm not exactly dressed for swimming," I said. I slid across the rock and began to climb down.

"And I am?" he asked. "Does that matter?"

"Yes," I replied, as I accidentally wedged my foot between two rocks.

"Why?"

"Because," I grunted, trying to pull my foot out without ripping my shoe. "It just d--" I had wrenched my foot back, only to lose my balance.

Instead of meeting the rocky ground below, I felt the wet arms of Jasper catch me.

"Graceful, as always," Jasper said with a snort.

"Thank you," I said meekly.

"It was my pleasure ma'am," he said in an exaggerated Southern accent, as he pulled me tightly into his chest.

"Ew, Jasper, stop it, you're getting me wet," I complained.

"Really? You don't say! I wonder how on earth that could possibly happen," he said shaking his hair around wildly and sprinkling droplets of water onto me.

"Jasper!"

"You'd think someone knocked me in the river!" he went on, squeezing me tighter, his wet clothes soaking through mine. "I ought to drop you in there too, but I'm too much of a gentleman," he said, grinning before he finally set me down on my feet.

I looked down at myself in disgust. "I'm all wet," I said, wrinkling my nose.

"Then I guess you're out of excuses. Let's swim," he chuckled.

"Fine," I relented.

Jasper reached up and began unbuckling his belt.

"Wait, what are you doing?" I asked quickly.

"Well I'm not going to swim in my jeans," Jasper said matteroffactly. "I hate wet denim," he said as he continued to unfasten his pants.

I gaped at him.

He stopped and turned to me, the front his pants now undone, his hands hovering at the waistband. "Hey, this way you'll find out which underwear I went with, you won't have to keep buying every style," he said mischeviously.

"Which--Ja--No!" I stuttered, my hands flying over my eyes.

"Jesus Bella, it's not like I'm asking you to go skinny dipping. You can swim fully dressed if you like, it makes no difference to me."

I sighed and pulled my hands away from my face, but kept my eyes on my shoes as I crouched down and began to unlace them. I could hear Jasper continue to shed his clothes, and I shook my head in disbelief. "How is he so... not self conscious about himself?" I wondered.

A small, flat rock caught my attention. It looked like it might skip across the water pretty well. I picked it up and slipped my shoes off.

"Ready?" Jasper called.

I glanced up at him, the rock I was holding made a popping noise as it exploded into powder in my hand.

At least I knew what to get him the next time I went shopping. Boxer briefs.

I looked back down at my hand and tossed away the powder and dusted my hands off on my jeans. I could hear him wading into the water. When I looked up again, he was standing knee-deep in the water with his back to me.

I inhaled sharply as I took in his broad shoulders and muscular arms. Each muscle in his perfectly toned back stood out. The pale, pearly, faded scars that criss-crossed his shoulders and back created a beautifully painful pattern, and his skin glowed in the faint moonlight that shown from behind a cluster of clouds, bathing us in a milky, lavender glow. I felt the echo of a blush engulf my cheeks, and then my whole body. I looked down at the water in embarrassment.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper cock his head to side, glancing in my direction.

I shook my head at my bashfulness and walked stiffly into the shallows, staring straight ahead.

My pant legs billowed around my calves in the water and I frowned at them in disgust. I looked up at met his bemused expression.

"Like I said, I hate wet denim."

I gave a simpering smile.

"I won't look," he said quietly. "Promise," he added.

"Alright," I said, nodding.

I sloshed my way back to the water's edge and gingerly kicked off my half-soaked jeans and threw them onto one of the flat rocks lining the river.

I thanked my stars for having chosen darkly colored underwear this morning. In this situation, white underwear and water, combined, would have amounted to whole new level of embarrassment.

I exhaled slowly through my nose and turned around.

Jasper had swum across the river and was making his way up the opposite bank.

I watched him scramble up the trunk of a tree as I walked back into the shallows and eased down into the water and sat down on the soft, muddy ground. The tepid water came up to the middle of my chest and felt comforting.

The clouds overhead shifted, and what had been a faint glow became the bright light of an ascending crescent moon.

Jasper climbed to the topmost branch that leaned out over the river. His face was filled with concentration, when suddenly he reared back and flung himself off the branch, twisting into a somersault and hitting the water head tucked, hands out, and straight down in a dive.

I gave a small laugh as the ripples lapped against my arms. I waited for him resurface so I could compliment him on his form, but a minute later he still hadn't.

Was he leaving me alone entirely out of respect? Or maybe he had swum with the current. I wasn't particularly worried, just curious.

I craned my neck and looked downstream, no sign of him.

He was probably just underwater.

I stood up, made my way out to the deeper water and dove under.

The water was a little murky. No longer the varying shades of purple and lavender, beneath the surface the moonlight cast the water in a yellow-green light.

I looked around me, upriver, downriver, below me along the riverbed. No sign of Jasper. I wondered if he had climbed out and was getting ready to dive in again, and I hazarded a glance above me before swimming deeper, just in case.

The riverbed dropped off significantly in the middle, and I could see it was carpeted in scattered debris. Branches, leaves, small rocks, more of those huge slabs of rocks and boulders, a network of tree roots, a graveyard of dead trees, even a few old tires lined the bottom of the river. All of this was covered in a thin film of brown-green slime and mud.

A flash of metal caught my eye, and I swam closer to inspect what turned out to be an old car door, not the whole car, just a door. On my own personal scavengerhunt, I swam further upstream, looking for other random, interesting things, and also of course for Jasper.

I was just inspecting what used to be a tricycle when suddenly something grabbed my ankle and yanked me downwards.

I yelped, pulling water into my mouth and down my throat.

I looked down and saw Jasper doubled over in the water, laughing silently, a hand clamped over his mouth and nose.

I glowered at him before I kicked away from him and swam upwards and towards the shore. I sputtered and coughed as soon as I broke the surface. I could feel the water inside me. Disgusting! I coughed and belched up the little bit of water I had swallowed.

"That's sexy," Jasper said from behind me.

I spun around, which took some effort since I was treading water. "You're an ass!" I cried, splashing him in the face.

"Sticks and stones, Bella, sticks and stones!" he said, grinning.

"Hmph," I grunted and turned away and started to swim away.

"Are you actually treading water?" he asked smugly.

"Yes!" I said indignantly.

He laughed loudly. "I keep forgetting how short you are," he said, proudly displaying his ability to walk without any paddling required.

"I am _not_ short!" I protested furiously, faltering for a moment and dipping beneath the water's surface.

Two hands wrapped around my elbows and pulled me up. "Whoopsidaisy!" he said, chuckling. "How about petite then?"

I leaned away from him and stared up into his face, frowning slightly.

"What?" he asked, sounding guarded.

"Did you really just say 'whoopsidaisy,'?"

"I, er, well," he stuttered.

"God, you're old!" I crowed.

Jasper gave me a grim look and raised his eyebrows. "And down you go!" he said, clenching my elbows and dunking me underwater.

I struggled against him, trying to push away from him. I braced my feet against his chest and pushed off. I swam away from him, trying to see through my hair that had gotten in my face.

I instantly regretted taking my hair out of the ponytail as it got caught in my eyes and mouth.

I felt him seize me by my foot, stopping me. I tried to kick him off, but he grabbed my other foot and dragged me down towards him.

He pinned an arm behind me.

With my free arm I elbowed him away from me, and I scrambled away, though I didn't get far.

Jasper was by far a faster swimmer, and seconds later he was swimming six or so feet above me.

I didn't take my eyes off him as I faltered, considering how quickly I could turn over and head in the opposite direction. But before I could, he darted towards me.

I dodged him, spun around and swam backwards for a few feet.

Jasper had nearly hit the floor, he was reversing himself--he was vulnerable.

I tackled him, sending us both tumbling downstream.

We turned over and over again in the water. Every time I was able to wrestle myself upright, he would twist us around so that we were constantly twisting and turning with the current, along the bottom of the river.

Suddenly I felt a surge of aggression, an overwhelming wave of heat enveloping me. I clenched his shoulders and slammed his back into the riverbed, pinning him. A cloud of dirt and leaves rose up around us as I stared down at him triumphantly.

Jasper gave me an appraising look, then reached up and put a hand behind my head, and with surprising force, pulled my face to his and pressed his lips to mine.

My eyes slid shut as I felt the warmth from his lips against mine. A tingling sensation washed over my body, and I couldn't tell if the sensation was entirely mine, or another unguarded emotion of Jasper's. The kiss deepened, and my grip on his shoulders relaxed, and I felt Jasper run his hand down my side, sending a shiver through me. I was disappearing into his arms.

"Such strong hands. Hands. Jasper's hands. On me. ME. Him. JASPER!" My thoughts were abrupt, stuttering, but finally made sense.

My eyes snapped open, I jerked away from him and kicked off the floor towards the surface.

How?! How could I have done that?! Jasper, Edward's brother, Alice's husband, and my friend. I let him kiss me, and I had kissed him back!

I was in a panic as I swam back to the shore, completely overwrought with guilt. I felt dizzy as I clamored my way out of the water, my mind was racing. The chain that still hung around my neck suddenly felt incredibly heavy.

"Bella!" Jasper called as my feet hit the gravelly riverbank.

"Jasper, I don't really want to talk about it right now! It was a mistake," I called back, my chest aching with grief.

"Bella do not run away," he called urgently.

I didn't turn around, but I knew he was swimming towards me.

I gasped a tearless sob as I looked around frantically for my clothes. Of course I couldn't just grab them, that would be too convenient. There wasn't any boulder here, just long slabs of rocks along the river. Upriver I could see the boulder where we had left our clothes. I shook my head in frustration.

"Bella, don't act like you didn't want that," Jasper called back antagonistically.

I spun around. "Excuse me?"

Jasper got out of the water and strode swiftly towards me. "I know you wanted that just as much as I did."

"I think you're confused then," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

His eyes flashed with anger. "So I was confused at the motel when you got anxious when I stopped holding your hand?"

"Well--"

"I was confused when your interest piqued at the idea of me knowing your _frustrations_ before you got married?" he continued heatedly, cutting me off.

"But--"

"And I was confused when you felt desire when you caught a glimpse me of after I stripped down back there?" he said, pointing upriver.

"I--"

"Maybe I was confused all those other times, but I was not confused down there," he said in a loud voice as he gestured towards the river. "You felt it, and I felt it. So don't you dare insult me by second guessing what I felt, because if it's one thing I know it's emotions."

I turned away from him, my chest heaving as I took in gulps of cool air. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to calm the panic that was rising inside of me.

"And despite your fear, you still want me, Bella," Jasper said in a gentler voice.

I didn't know what to say. How could that even be true?

I heard him walk around me and I opened my eyes to see his face peering into mine.

"And the thing is despite my own fear, I want you too," he said in a shaking voice.

"You're afraid?"

"I'm terrified," he said in a voice higher than his normal tone. He chuckled at the sound of it.

"Why?" I asked.

He chuckled nervously and raked a hand through his hair. "Because you're the first bright thing to enter my life in years. You make me want to be a better man than I've ever been, to go out there and seek out the good that's still left in this world, and to make sense out of this life." He laughed bitterly. "And I don't know how to reconcile that with the love I still feel for Alice," he said, raising his hand to his chest and touching the ring that hung from his neck.

"I know," I said thickly, looking down at my hands. "I don't know how to even begin to understand what it is I feel towards you. I just know I still love my mate," I said sadly.

"We call them mates for a reason, Bella. It means being a part of something stronger, more lasting. Edward will always be your mate, as Alice will always be mine," he said with a small, sad smile.

"So where does that leave us?" I asked, my eyes darting to the ground.

"It leaves us..." he said trailing off. "I don't know," he said finally.

"Here," I supplied with a chuckle.

"Here," he repeated.

We met each others eyes and in that moment I felt my fears quiet, and a stronger emotion well up within me, the warmth and caring and maybe more for my best friend.

"Are you doing that?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"Bella, with the exception of today at the gas station, I haven't intentionally used my ability on you since San Antonio," he said quietly.

"But all those times..." I said, confused. "When you hugged me at the gas station back in Texas, and when we were being chased by the police I felt so calm and reassured, and even at the motel, there were moments when I felt, I don't know, better about everything, " I said, recalling even the most insignificant moments when I had felt anxiety and fears lifted by waves of comfort, and the dullest moments injected with happiness and humor.

"No," he a single shake of the head and a smirk. "Apparently I just have that affect on you."

My jaw went a little slack as I processed that information.

"And truth be told, you have the same affect on me as well," he smiled faintly.

I looked up and met his gaze.

A cool, light breath of wind blew, giving me a chill as I felt parts of my skin begin to dry. A few dry wisps of Jasper's hair blew into his eyes, and his scent became stronger as it wafted into my face. Honey, apples, rain, oak, and a hint of pine.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to truly feel the warmth and comfort in it, and recognize the joy that it inspired in me.

_"Bella," Edward whispered urgently. "If anything happens to me, you have to promise me you won't surrender, you'll live."_

_"Edward..." I whispered in terrified protest._

_"Promise me," he begged._

_"I promise, I love you," I said. "I love you both."_

_"I love you too, Bella," Alice replied just as urgently._

_"More than you could ever know," Edward said, reaching back and squeezing my hand._

I could almost see his beautiful golden eyes, hear his velvety voice, see his perfectly crooked smile, and feel the love of my mate as if he were standing beside me, there on the shore of the river.

"I love you too, Edward," I repeated in my heart.

I opened my eyes and met Jasper's perplexed, searching gaze.

I gave a soft smile and strode over to him and put my arms around his neck, hugging him.

He tensed for a moment, then relaxed and put his arms around my waist and hugged me back, swaying us back and forth.

I leaned away and stared up into his face. I wanted to tell him all the things that were running through my mind at that moment: How grateful I was for finding him on a rooftop in San Antonio; how much I needed him in my life because in a few short months he'd become my bridge to the world, and how important he was to me for that very reason; how even though there were moments of beauty and joy that we shared, and even though I knew I cared for him in ways I couldn't begin to put into words, I was still hurting, and might always carry that pain with me. But I couldn't say anything. Somehow the words stopped just short of being spoken. I stared up into his eyes and he smiled.

"I know," he said gently, his smile fading slightly and cupping my cheek. Without a word, he understood.

He stroked my cheek with his thumb and we regarded one another for a moment.

It's funny how life can change in a matter of seconds.

I stood up on my tip toes, letting my nose trail up his chin, lips, and nuzzled against his nose.

He held his breath as my lips ghosted his, and as I pressed mine against his there was a moment of doubt.

After everything that happened tonight, what if he didn't want me to do this?

The doubts melted away when he exhaled and returned the kiss with such gentle pressure. It was soft, sweet, and simple, his bottom lip between mine, my top lip between his. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, our bodies pressed together. His lips parted and he deepened the kiss. I felt a surge of warmth as I felt me giving myself over to this feeling that I hadn't experienced in years. The intimacy of a kiss. His fingers traced patterns of my lower back and I shivered closer into him. In a moment of clumsiness our knees bumped each other and as I tried to adjust my stance, I almost tripped over his ankles. We both smiled as we kissed, and I was grateful he didn't make a quip about my grace this time. Instead he just held me tighter. A moment later Jasper suddenly slowed, closing his mouth, and we shared a few small, short pecks before we broke away for a second as he tilted his head down towards me and pressed his forehead against mine. After a moment of quietly staring into each others eyes he chuckled.

I looked at him curiously. "What?" I asked, slightly breathless.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he said, grinning. He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, watching his hand as he did so.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said, chuckling once.

"If you knew all along how I felt, why didn't you say something."

He smirked and then gave a very superior look. "I would hardly call informing a woman that she becomes happy, self conscious, and titillated each time I touch her, gentlemanly conduct."

"Excuse me?" I said as I backed away from him and put my hands on my hips.

"Exactly," he said, gesturing towards me with an open hand.

I quirked an eyebrow at him and let my hands fall down to my sides. "I see your point."

"I'm glad," he said, chuckling and shaking his head.

We watched each other for a few moments. I wondered if my eyes showed the same things I saw in his: Joy, curiosity, excitement, and confusion...

Even something that felt strange and new felt natural, and I wanted to feel his hands on me again; until that moment I didn't realize how much I had missed the simple pleasure of being held. I wanted to feel his kiss again, and I realized that as much as I missed being held, I missed passion as well.

He began to grin bashfully and looked away and raked a hand through his hair.

I grinned, and with a single jump, I closed the space between us as I leapt into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist.

He caught me, and pulled my face to his, kissing me eagerly. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss, and I felt the rush of desire warm me through. I knotted my fingers in his still damp hair, desperate to maintain this moment. He reached up and gently pulled my face away by the hair at the base of my neck. Before I could be disappointed, he leaned forward and placed a trail of kisses down my throat and across my collar bones, and a small moan rumbled in my chest.

Jasper carried me towards the river and laid me down on one of the flat rocks that made up the shore. He stared down at me as he ran a hand over my cheek, down my throat, and came to rest on the center of my chest.

I sat up to meet him with my lips, kissing along his jaw line and down his throat, stopping at his Adam's apple. He put his arms around me and guided me back down to the rock again. He grinned and leaned in to kiss again, when there was a clinking of metal. He pulled away and we looked down.

Our necklaces had become tangled with one another.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Perfect, a well timed, cliché metaphor," he said as he reached down and untangled them. Once he had extracted them from one another, he held them in his palm, side by side.

After a moment of staring at our rings, he met my eyes again. He gazed at me as if he were debating about something.

"What?" I asked uncertainly.

"Bella, I..." he said, hesitantly. "I'm not Edward."

I put my hand over his, our rings pressing into our palms. "And I will never be Alice."

He stared down at me for a long moment, searching my emotions. Something in his eyes changed as he seemed to find what he was looking for. He nodded, slid his hand out from under mine.

His lips ran along my jaw, his nose tickling my cheek.

I stroked his hair and pressed my lips to his temple.

There wasn't any guard up, and I could feel his emotions radiating off of him, and feeding mine.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. When I opened them, all I could see above us was a sea of stars above, watching over us.

* * *

Sorry for the huge delay in an update. I just got a new job, which is great, but it really ate up my time for a bit there, so I didn't have much time to devote to this nearly 7500 word chapter. It's actually the longest chapter I've written thus far, and I'm hoping somehow it makes up for the month plus since the last update. I'd like to thank wuthers, ktbass, jennyfly, jennday11182, and readthebooknow for their help as I worked through this chapter. I'd like to especially thank readthebooknow and twi_ction for the mad betaing skills.

**Some cool news, Afterlife has made it into the finals for the Indie Twific awards!** It's nominated for Best Non-ExB WIP. I am so honored and pleased that people have enjoyed this story thus far, and I hope you continue to do so!

I promise that the next update won't take nearly as long. Thank you for all the recs, reviews, notes, and kind words! I love y'all so much for all the support you give me, it's inspiring and leaves me grinning!


	23. Chapter 23: Life

Chapter 23: Life

"Prague, Florence, Dublin, London, Amsterdam, or Paris..." I repeated over in my head. I couldn't decide. "Are you sure you don't have a preference?" I asked for the fourth time.

"First trip is lady's choice," Jasper replied, a smirk playing at his lips.

"But, but you have to be leaning in the direction of at least one," I stammered, my brow creasing.

He made a show of leaning over on one foot, and jostling my shoulder. "Only direction I'm leaning in is yours."

"Thanks, very helpful," I said, playfully shoving him and resuming my internal debate as I stared up at a list of possible flights.

Each had their appeal. Prague had beautiful architecture, Florence had art, Dublin had music, London had literary history, Amsterdam offered some pretty wild times, even for vampires, and Paris... Paris was Paris. Of course I was oversimpflying the possibilities, but when it came down to it, just the thought of Paris took my breath away.

I ran my eyes over the shapes and curves of the name 'Paris.' It just felt right.

I sighed and looked over at Jasper, who gave me a small smile. "You've decided," he stated.

I nodded. "Paris," I said softly.

"Perfect, just where I wanted to go!" he said enthusiastically.

"Yeah?" I grinned.

"Yeah," he said, slipping his hand in mine and walking us towards the Air France counter.

"Good evening, are we checking in?" asked the woman behind the counter. The plastic name tag pinned to her navy blue blazer read, 'Jessica L.'

"Actually we are purchasing tickets. We would like be on the 12:30am flight to Charles de Gaulle, first class if it's available," Jasper said in a pleasant voice.

I leaned against the counter and toyed with the strap of my messenger bag that hung over my shoulder.

"The one that leaves tonight?" the woman asked, looking concerned.

"Are there seats still available?" he asked.

"Well yes, it's just that that particular flight leaves in only two hours. A purchase so close to the departure will be notably more expensive. There is a flight tomorrow morning at ten, you would save several hundred dollars," she said with a friendly, helpful looking smile.

I opened my mouth to suggest to Jasper that perhaps we could wait until the morning, but he glanced at me and shook his head.

"No, we would prefer to travel in the evening. The 12:30 should be fine," he said, shaking his head. "But thank you," he added.

Jessica tapped away on the keyboard and then looked up, "I'll need your passports."

Jasper dug into the breast pocket of the grey jacket he was wearing and retrieved our passports Carlisle had overnighted to us and handed them to Jessica.

"Will you be traveling with anyone?" she asked, her eyes moving appreciatively over Jasper.

"Just the other person whose passport I just handed you," he said, sliding his hand over mine as it rested on the counter.

Her eyes flicked to our hands and narrowed slightly as she returned them to her computer screen. "Yes, Isabella."

I cringed slightly to the sound of my full name.

After a few moments she handed back our passports to us and looked expectantly down at our feet. "Luggage?" she asked.

"None," he said with a shrug.

"Seriously?" she asked, looking perplexed.

"Seriously. We're traveling light. Just her bag, and my backpack, and we'll be carrying those on with us," he said, turning slightly to show the backpack on his shoulders.

We had opted to leave our clothes at a Salvation Army, figuring we would buy new clothes wherever we ended up. Jasper had insisted we stop at a Best Buy on the way to the airport. He instructed me to wander around the music section while he did some shopping of his own. When we left, he had a new backpack slung over his shoulder, but besides that, I didn't know what else he had bought.

"Right," Jessica said, as she typed in the remaining information into the computer. "So, um, your carryon bags then, did you pack them yourself?"

I let my eyes wander over to Jasper's face and watched his eyes as he answered the remaining standard questions about whether we had kept them in our possession at all times, if we had been asked to carry any packages, or if we had anything flammable in our possession.

His eyes were gold now. They were warm, without a hint of the red that had tainted them for so long. He knew I was staring at him, but it was almost as if he were purposely not meeting my eyes, allowing me to appreciate him instead.

"Here you are," she said brightly.

I tore my eyes away from Jasper's and returned my attention to the woman behind the desk.

"Two tickets for La Première to Charles de Gaulle. The La Première lounge is located adjacent to your gate, which opens 11:45." A moment later our tickets were being printed. "Thank you for choosing to fly with Air France, and au revoir," she said with an edge of boredom as she passed the tickets over the counter into Jasper's outstretched hand.

We thanked her and began to make our way through the quiet airport. Two security checkpoints, several closed shops and kiosks, a half dozen motorized sidewalks (which we rode, just for fun,) one check-in counter and a half an hour later we arrived at the international terminal.

We paused in front of the only remaining shop open on the concourse. The open storefront boasted a collection of overpriced snacks and drinks. Beyond that were a row of refrigerators offering more overpriced food, several shelves of basic travel needs, and a several racks of magazines and books.

Jasper looked at it with interest and turned to me. "I'm going to run in here," he said, wagging his head in the direction of the store.

"Alright," I said, raising an eyebrow.

His tone seemed to imply that he wanted to go alone.

"Maybe..." he said hesitantly.

"Maybe?" I asked.

"Maybe you ought to call your Mom again," he said gently.

I sighed and dropped my head to my chest. I left my phone off for the most part, except when I was trying to call someone. That meant my phone had been on exactly five times since Jasper and I had left San Antonio. Once to call Carlisle and Charlie from the motel, once to call Carlisle and ask him to send our passports, and three times to call Renee. I hadn't been able to get in touch with her. Each time her phone had been off, probably dead, given how often she lost her charger. I always left a voice mail letting her know I was fine, just traveling, but asked her to not worry, and that I would call her soon. Secretly, well, maybe not so secretly, Jasper could read my emotions after all, I was always relieved whenever I called Renee and immediately heard her babbled voice mail greeting. I didn't want to listen what I already knew had filled up my inbox. When I turned on my phone to call Carlisle about our passports, it nearly exploded from all the beeps and vibrations it made to alert me to the thirty two new _urgent_ voice mails waiting for me. She was going to want some answers, answers I wasn't even sure I had. But Jasper had a point, even if had said it out loud: I couldn't leave the country without talking to my mother first.

"I know," I said, sounding already beaten down.

"You can do this," Jasper said, reaching up and squeezing my arms. "She's your mother."

"And she'll probably flip out," I said sullenly.

"Probably," he said with a nod. "But from what I know of your mother, she'll get over the initial anger rather quickly."

"You're right," I said unenthusiastically.

"If you need me, I'm just inside," he said, releasing my arms.

"Thanks," I said, giving a half smile.

I watched him walk into the store before I turned and faced the wall of TV screens that hung just over my shoulder. This was not going to be fun. She was going to be livid. Not only had I ignored all of her voice mails, but she went so far as to learn how to text message, and had sent dozens of them, all of which I'd also ignored. Plus I'd spoken with Charlie. It was dumb luck that I got in touch with him in the first place, what with calling him when he was still in bed at home. No, Renee would resent the fact that I had spoken with him. She would have called him by now, probably as many times as she had called me. I wondered what he told her. She might have even called the Cullen household. I hoped that Carlisle hadn't told her about the passports.

I pulled my phone out of my bag and turned it on. A merry song played away as it powered on, then almost immediately it buzzed and beeped loudly, alerting to my filled inboxes. I winced and pressed the phone to the side of my leg as it finished its now muffled beeping.

"What the hell am I going to say..." I murmured to myself.

I absentmindedly stared up at the list of departures. I was supposed to be contemplating a likely uncomfortable conversation with my mother, but I found myself more than anything distracted by the sounds around me. It was the first time in months Jasper and I had been in public, amongst a large group of people. But I didn't hear anyone being whisked away to be eaten, or any cries for help. The quiet, travel-worn murmur was pretty standard for eleven o'clock at night in an airport.

"Why does the food court close? The food court should never close, there are always people here!" a man grumbled.

"I don't know dear," his wife replied without looking up from her romance novel.

"Hey! Check out the hottie under the arrival/departure screen. I hope she's on our flight," a college age guy said to his buddy.

"Trying to join the mile high club?" his friend asked.

"I would definitely want get my membership card with her," the first replied, and fist bumped his friend.

"Honey please just try to sleep, please. I'm not sure I can take another flight with you screaming the entire time," a mother begged the toddler sitting at her feet.

He screeched happily in reply as his mother winced.

"I swear to Christ, if the airline loses my luggage again, I am never flying again. I mean it this time," a harried looking older woman growled into her cell phone as she glowered from her seat at the crew as they loaded luggage into the cargo hold.

"Oh wow. Christina, look at this guy," a girl whispered.

"Where?" her friend, presumably Christina, asked loudly as she looked around with interest.

"Shut the eff up, he'll hear you," the first said sharply, slapping Christina's arm.

"Ouch, what the hell Kate?" she said, rubbing her arm.

"Sorry," she said breathlessly. "Him—the guy over by the magazines, the tall one with the blond hair? He's wearing the grey jacket and cowboy boots? He's gorgeous!" she said in a hushed voice.

That caught my attention. I turned around and watched through the archway of the store.

"Oh. I guess he's alright," she said, sounding not particularly impressed.

"'Alright?' Do you have eyes?" Kate replied, peeking over a rack of snack foods at Jasper, who was pretending not to notice as he stared at the wall of books and magazines.

Christina shrugged in reply. "I mean he's good looking, but I like my men to have darker hair."

"You're so damn picky," Kate said with a roll of her eyes.

Jasper made his way over to the counter with an armful of things. He shot me a grin and wagged his eyebrows at me.

I grinned back and shook my head and returned my attention to what I was supposed to be doing.

Renee, I had to call Renee.

I ran the potential conversation through my head. "Hi Mom, I know I haven't called in a few months, and you're probably wondering about my sudden change in demeanor, but I'm going to Europe with my brother-in-law, with whom I made out with all night two nights ago until the sun came up, which was of course before he and I took on a herd of deer and drank their blood. Did I mention we're vampires?" That seemed to be a bit too much information. With her, less was more, especially since she wasn't like Charlie, she'd ask questions.

I sighed deeply and felt my cell phone weighing down my pocket as if it were made of granite. "Fine," I said aloud to myself. The sound of my voice made me jump. I pulled out my phone and dialed my mother's number.

The phone rang three times. I nearly hung up, but she picked up after the fourth ring.

"Bella?" she said tentatively.

"Mom," I said, resigning myself to the inevitable.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" she shouted, "Cullen!" she added quickly. "Do you know how long it's been since I've heard from you?"

"A while?" I suggested hopelessly.

"A while?! Bella, it's been almost three months! How could you do this to me?!"

I frowned and sighed deeply. "Mom, I left you those voice messages--"

"Voice mail does not qualify as contacting me. Any time I tried to call you back your phone was always off," she said angrily.

"Well I'm--"

"Did you even bother listening to the thirty or so voice mails I left before your inbox filled up?" she demanded.

"I mean I started to, but--"

"You had the courtesy to call your father," she added, cutting me off, "To actually speak to him!"

"I know, but--"

"And you had the courtesy of talking to Carlisle."

"Well, I only called Charlie the one time, and then twice for Carlisle, but that's only because--"

"That's hardly responsible either. Jesus Bella! You dropped off the face of the earth!"

"Mom, I--"

"I'm not done yet. Where in the hell are you?"

"Well for now I'm in New York—"

"New York?!" she said loudly. Something fell in the background to the floor in the background, but I didn't hear anything break.

I held the phone away from my ear and grimaced.

"And how did you end up there?"

"Car?" I said weakly.

"You drove from Forks to New York, and it took you almost three months," she said incredulously.

"Well actually we flew from Forks to San Antonio, then we drove from there, but we stopped a few times on the way and did this big hiking trip," I said quickly.

There was a pause before she finally spoke. "We?"

I took a deep breath. The question was bound to come up. "Jasper and I have been taking some time on our own," I said carefully.

"I see," Renee said suspiciously.

"I just... Mom, he couldn't keep living like he was, and neither could I. This trip has been really," I looked up at the ceiling, steadying my breathing, "Really good for us. Therapeutic even," I added.

"Us," she said, as if she saw through everything, including time and space. I could feel her penetrating stare through the phone.

"Yeah," I said, shrugging.

"You said 'for now,'" she noted, continuing on with the questioning.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You said you're in New York 'for now.' Are you coming home?"

"No Mom, I'm not. We're um, we're going to keep going. You know I didn't get to see much when I traveled with uh, with Alice, that one time, so, Jasper and I thought it might be fun to go to Europe," I said, stumbling slightly with my words. It was true enough. The whirlwind trip to Italy was the first and only time I had been to Europe. There were so many places there I wanted to see. In fact we had been planning a trip to Europe before everything happened.

My mind flickered back briefly to the Cullen house that night, and I shook away the thought.

I felt a hand touch the small of my back. I jumped and spun around to see Jasper, who backed away slightly, holding up his hands, palms facing out. He mouthed "Sorry," to me and gave me an encouraging smile.

"Are you going to be gone long?"

"I don't think we've thought that far ahead," I said honestly.

"Mmm," my mother murmured. I could almost see her forehead furrowed in a frown.

I waited, knowing she needed to process.

"So where are you going first?" she asked finally, sounded guarded.

"Paris," I said, letting out the breath I had been holding and smiled.

"Paris?" her voice went up an octave, sounding excited.

"Yep," I said, as Jasper returned my smile.

"Oh my—I, well you know I always wanted to go to Paris," she said eagerly. She seemed to have forgotten that she was supposed to be playing the role of the angry mother.

"I know Mom, I'm so excited!" I said, grinning as Renee began to list off all the places I ought to take the time to see, mentioning a few I hadn't even thought of yet.

"But honey," she said finally, taking a deep breath, "You can't just disappear on me like that. I was so worried about you," she said softly, sounding a little choked up.

"Oh Mom, I'm so sorry," I said, dropping my chin to my chest out of guilt.

"I understand that you're all grown up now—you're not my baby anymore, and I know you had to make a change—and I'm so glad you did, you had to get out that, that funk," she said with a tone that left me suddenly wanting to be sitting at her feet, letting her brush my hair, or maybe even just hugging her. "But Bella, baby, I'm going to lose my mind if you go off into the world and don't call me," she said with a chuckle. "And the same goes for Charlie, and Carlisle and Esme."

"I know, I'm sorry, I've been..." I said, trailing off.

"You've been living again, and I couldn't be happier," Renee said earnestly. "You went through all this time as if you'd died with Edward and Alice. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to lose them, but there comes a time when you've got to rejoin the rest of the world. Life is waiting for you baby."

My eyes stung and throat tightened. I nodded and choked out a, 'Yeah.'

I concentrated on the pattern of the tiled floor while Renee gave a few more instructions about long flights—I was to make sure I stood up and stretched every few hours, go to the bathroom often even though it's an airplane bathroom because I could get an kidney infection if I didn't. I should also bring food with me because the plane food is disgusting, even in First Class; until finally she said, "You have to take a million pictures and send me a million postcards!"

"I will Mom," I said, smiling, hoping that she could hear it through the phone. And even though all her advice no longer applied to me, I thanked her all the same.

"Say hello to Jasper for me. I love you," she said. "Oh, and be careful!"

"You know I try," I chuckled. (I could hear Jasper snickering.) "I love you too. Bye Mom."

I snapped the phone shut and stared at it for a moment.

"She's going to be fine. So will everyone else," Jasper said.

I looked up and sighed. "I know."

He watched me for a moment, and then gave me a sympathetic smile.

I sighed and turned off my phone. "Get everything you need?"

"I think so," he said, grinning and pulling his backpack higher up on his shoulder. "The gate opens in fifteen minutes. Would you like to grab a seat?" he suggested, pointing towards a row of empty seats. The seats looked out over a circuit of darkened runways, lined with red and blue lights that dotted the night.

"Sure," I said, following him. I slid into the worn imitation leather seat next to him.

There was a moment of comfortable silence as we watched a small jet take off.

"Are you disappointed we didn't go to Niagara Falls?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Niagara Falls or Paris?" he murmured, motioning his hands back and forth as he weighed the two destinations. "Niagara Falls or Paris? Hmm, I don't know, I might have to really think about this one," he said seriously, his left hand sinking below the right.

"Really," I said, shoving his arm.

"Really, Bella, it was a destination, and now we have a new one. A better one I'd wager, but I'll have to wait and see how you enjoy the trip."

"Don't pull that selflessness crap with me, this is your trip too," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Selflessness crap?" he said with a chuckle.

"Well, what you want to do is just as important as what I want to do," I said slowly.

"I see," Jasper said, putting his arm around me. "So it's kind of like a partnership."

"It's kind of like a friendship," I corrected him. "Partnership makes it like we're going to open up a chain of convenience stores or something."

"Speaking of which," Jasper said, reaching down and pulling his backpack into his lap. "I'm surprised you haven't even tried to ask me about what's in here," he said, patting his bag.

"I guess assumed you would tell me when you're ready," I said with a shrug.

"So you're not the least bit interested. I see," he said, feigning a hurt expression.

I smirked at him, and he knew what a lie the statement was.

"Fine," he said, breaking into a grin. He pulled his arm from around me and unzipped the bag. "I thought you might get bored on the plane, so I packed us a survival kit."

"First thing's first," he said, pulling out a pair of boxes. "In an effort to help you keep the promise I knew you were going to make to your mother, I got you one of these," he said, pulling out a clear plastic box with a silver rectangular card in it. "Just pop it into your phone and you can call your mother any time, night or day, regardless of the country."

"And vice versa?" I asked weakly.

"And vice versa," he said with a smirk. "And if that's not exciting enough for you, I bought both of us a Nintendo DS Lite, and a couple of games I thought we could play together," he said, passing me the light cardboard box with a picture of a game console on the front.

"This is great! I guess this was what you were getting at Best Buy?" I asked, staring down at the games as he passed them over to me.

"Yep," he said, smiling with pride. "Of course we'll have to turn them off at some point because God knows a little piece of electronic equipment like that can force a technologically superior, 450 ton plane out of the sky. With that in mind, and also just in case you hated the games, I got this for you," he said, pulling out a fresh copy of the collected works of Jane Austen.

I took the book into my hands greedily, running my eyes over the cover and reading the titles. "I have missed reading so much," I said softly, running my hands over the cover. I looked up and met Jasper's gaze. "Thank you, it's all perfect."

He let out a sigh of relief and smiled sheepishly. "I'm glad you like everything. I got these as a backup plan," he said, pulling out a stack of magazines.

"Oh cool," I said, looking over the glossy cover of National Geographic featuring a small girl clutching several blossoms in her hands. I glanced at the month on the cover and my jaw dropped slightly. "Wow," I breathed. "We've been gone for a while."

"You didn't get that from your mother's reaction?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Well yeah, I did. I guess it's just hard to believe," I said, giving a wistful, half smile. "It feels like we just jumped off that rooftop in San Antonio last night."

Jasper sighed and slid the magazines back into the bag and turned to me. "Yeah, I know. What happened?" he asked, sliding his hand over my knee and taking my hand.

I stared down at our hands, memorizing the feel of his longer, thicker fingers intertwined with my own smaller, delicate ones. What had happened? "Well we escaped certain peril in San Antonio, rode a horse, saw Mark Twain's home, we were involved in a high speed chase, we felt the last of winter, the first of spring, saw a bit of your past, found out a few trails and made a few of our own in upstate New York, experienced bloodlust on multiple occasions, discovered things about ourselves we didn't know, spent a night under the stars..." I said trailing off. "And had a few good laughs and cries in between," I chuckled once, looked up, and met his thoughtful gaze. "Life happened," I concluded.

"Life," he repeated. "Huh," he chuckled, "What do you know," he said with a shrug.

"I know. Us. Who'd have thought?" I said, shaking my head.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, Flight 3664, Air France with service from New York, JFK to Paris, Charles de Gaulle will begin loading in five minutes. Will all La Première passengers holding a blue boarding pass please come forward at this time," a woman's voice said over the intercom, echoing through the terminal.

"That's us," he said, pulling his hand from mine and rearranging everything back into his backpack.

We stood up together and walked towards the growing line in front of us. After a few minutes, a woman in a smart looking navy blazer and ascot strode forward and began to collect boarding passes from those at the head of the line.

With only a few people left in front of us, I suddenly felt myself go cold and nervous. My stomach clenched and my feet felt as if they were made of lead.

"What? What is it?" Jasper asked in a concerned voice, his brow creasing as he took in my emotions.

"I... Are you sure you can handle this?" I asked in earnest.

He gave me an appraising look and reached down and took my hand, which was balled up into a fist. "Bella, I can handle this. We both can," he said, as he gently straightened out my fingers and massaging the top of my hand. "This is just one more adventure."

"What if you're wrong? What if something happens?" I asked, squeezing my eyes shut, images of all the things that could possibly go wrong flashing through my head.

I felt a warm hand pressed to my cheek and I opened my eyes and met Jasper's affectionate gaze as he stared into my eyes.

"Whatever happens, Bella, we'll get through it," he said, cupping my cheek, "Together."

Our eyes locked, and suddenly everything fell away. The anxiety, nervousness, even the fears disappeared, replaced with the warmth and love I saw in Jasper's eyes. The walls came down, and it seemed almost as if his thoughts and feelings were no more secret than my own. I could see and feel everything in that moment. It was more intimate than any kiss I had ever experienced in my life, and that realization should have startled me. Instead it simply pulled me in deeper as I felt myself become more and more connected to Jasper.

"Boarding passes?" a woman chirped.

We both jumped and looked up as the woman held out her hand expectantly.

Jasper passed them to her, not taking his eyes off of me.

A few short breaths escaped my lips as I tried to recover from the start the woman had given us.

"Thank you," the woman said, handing back two slips of paper. "Enjoy your flight."

Without a second look behind us, we made our way down the jet way. A blast of cool, spring air rustled our hair as we neared the plane.

I slowed and then came to a stop.

Jasper turned and furrowed his brow at me.

I grinned and shook my head. "We're going to Paris," I said incredulously, my eyes widening.

He chuckled and pulled me into his arms. Taking my face in his hands and sliding his thumbs over my cheekbones, he gently touched his lips to mine. I tilted my head and felt his tongue brush against mine. I sighed happily and deepened the kiss, leaning into him, entirely content to let this feeling last as long as possible. I felt his mouth form a smile and he pulled away.

"Come on Bella," Jasper said with a wag of his head towards the plane. "Let's go."

"Let's go," I repeated with a content smile.

* * *

Summary of long ass author's note: THANK YOU!

Now commencing with long ass author's note:

Dearest Readers,

I am so very pleased to have presented you with the final chapter of Afterlife. That's right, what you've just read is the last chapter of this story. While this feels abrupt (I know it does for me!) I felt the story would be best presented if I broke it into two parts. Afterlife's sequel, Vie will have a sneak peek out this week, and hopefully the first chapter will be posted next week.

I am so grateful that you all have come along with me on this ride, especially my diehard ExB readers who trusted me enough to read it, even when your inner fangirl protested profusely! I have received numerous reviews, comments, and notes; every word has been inspiring and so very much loved and appreciated! I'd also like to mention how much I've appreciated your patience with me as I've become acclimated to my new job—thank you to everyone who sent me well wishes on this wonderful new change in my life.

I wanted to share my story with you in regards to Afterlife. Afterlife is deeply personal for me on many levels. On my twenty first birthday (four years ago,) a very dear friend of mine, and a former boyfriend was killed in the line of duty in Iraq. My life stopped for four months. When I say life stopped, I mean I did not exist. I did not speak to anyone, I did not see anyone, I ate little, and slept less. I existed in a very literal sense. I did not live. I spent most of my waking hours grieving, convinced that I had not been good enough to him in life. The guilt was crippling. During this time I became increasingly close with my guy friends, dependent on their strength to fuel my own. It took a very long time, but eventually I reached the point where I was ready to face the life and the world again for all the good and bad things they hold. I learned through the experience that life is not a given, that everything can change in a matter of seconds. I gained a new appreciation for life itself through the death of another.

When I sat down and began writing this story, I realized how much of myself I was putting into it. I held back on revealing this information until the conclusion of Afterlife, as I wanted people to take in the story on their own terms, not mine, hence the lack of author's notes. Not all of it is me, but there are definitely pieces there, and by writing this story, I feel in some small way I am continuing through the grieving process, even though it's been years.

Losing him has taught me many lessons, among them as I've mentioned is to not take our time on this Earth for granted. But it's also taught me that those you love are never really gone, and in time the pain gets easier to live with. I hope these lessons may be of some benefit to someone out there, though honestly I have to say that one has to live through it in order to truly understand the real meaning of the words.

I would like to thank my lovely betas who have been there along the way, especially as I've hemmed and hawed over particularly difficult passages. NiceIceEdward, Twi-ction, KTBass, Bublichka, and ReadTheBookNow. I'd also like to thank my long suffering, hardcore ExB friends who helped me in the wee hours of the morning, especially Jennday11182, and dearest (and highly scandalized) Wuthers. Torsstupidmouth also needs a shout out, as she suffers possibly more than anyone else in her desire to know what happens in the story.

Most especially I'd like to thank you, the reader. For all the comments, reviews, recs, and nominations, I owe each of you a huge hug and box of chocolate (Cadbury, of course!) You've been incredibly supportive, cheering Jasper and Bella on as they learned to live again. You've been put through the ringer. So many times I've had to hold out the box of tissues to a reader. I commend you for soldiering on! I hope you'll continue on with Jasper and Bella as they enter the next chapter of their lives. I promise it only gets better!

Be on the lookout for an outtake from Emmett's POV, along with Vie.

There is no higher compliment for a writer than knowing what they've written has touched you, thank you for the numerous compliments!

Jess


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